Rebirth
by Kavi Leighanna
Summary: Jean adjusts to life after death... literally. Sequel to Home LJ
1. Cheer

**Rebirth**

_Sequel to Home_

**Summary**: Jean deals with being at Xavier's Institute after her death at Alkali Lake with some help from the one person who understands what it's like to be considered an outcast in a place you're supposed to feel safe... and some help from a few fuzzy friends!

**Pairing**: Jean/Logan

**Author's Note**: I've wanted to write a story based on the Care Bears. Don't worry, it isn't completely and totally based on them but one makes an appearance in every chapter. Technically, it makes _a character OOC_ (you'll figure it out way quick, not to worry) but suspend your disbelief for a while.

**Also**: I promise this won't be utterly and complete fluff. There will be some, not to worry, but it won't be go-brush-your-teeth-after-reading-this fluffy. Remember, we still have to solve everything with the others...

**Dedication**: N4PCE for reviewing the prequel and telling me it was hard to tell it was my first.

* * *

**Cheer**

Jean was sure they were just being cruel. She'd been back at the Institute for almost a month an a half now and still people were afraid or nervous around her. In general, it wouldn't have affected her, but because she was having problems sorting through the jumbled emotions in her brain, it just frustrated her.

Except Logan.

It was one of the things she just couldn't figure out. Logan had stood beside her since he'd come back a week ago and had checked up on her at regular intervals. In fact, she looked forward to the five minutes they had every two hours or so, just for some sort of normal human contact, even if she could feel the worry rolling off of him in waves.

Now he'd gone off for the day.

She didn't hold him responsible. The professor had asked him to chaperone a trip into the city with Ororo and he couldn't fault Logan for doing as the professor asked. Still, part of her wished he was going to be around all day, especially since it hadn't started out so well.

She'd woken up in her room – with Scott's misgivings about her sanity and side she'd moved back to the old one she used to occupy – to a cloudy day. Normally she would have sighed, pouted slightly and moved on, but something about the clouds that day made her feel especially saddened.

Logan hadn't sat with her at breakfast. Again, she'd berated herself at the new necessity to see him. She chalked it up to the fact that he didn't avoid her and checked on her every once in a while, just to make sure she wasn't letting everyone's treatment of her dictate how she ran her life. Therefore, the meal had been eaten largely on her own.

She made her way sullenly down to the medlab, not realizing she'd glanced into the hangar where the Institute's transportation vehicles would be on a regular day. Now, two of the larger vehicles were missing, a physical representation of the fact that there were people missing from the Institute.

Jean sighed as the doors to the lab slid open, then closed behind her, making her way absently to her desk. In her time back she'd changed the lab somewhat, installing shelves for the books she absorbed herself in and a computer for her research. She finally looked up from the floor an her eyes locked on a surprising object in front of her screen.

The bear was pink. It took her a few minutes to recognize the object for what is was, and then place the concept. It was a Care Bear. She picked it up tentatively, her heartbeat racing when she noticed the folded page under the bear. She unfolded the page, her gaze darting back and forth from the quickly scrawled note to the bear in her hand.

_Cheer Bear, I'm told, is to cheer you up. She's in charge of watching over you today while I'm 'chaperoning'._

_-- Logan_

Jean couldn't stop the smile that spread over her face as she hugged the bear to her chest. For a few moments she felt like the world wasn't coming to an end and she could breathe again. Even if Logan wasn't physically there, he was there through the bear, to help her through the day.

Then she got analyzing.

Sure, Logan had indicated his feelings for her before she'd 'died' but she wasn't sure if they'd carried over. He'd come back at the urging of the professor, had he not? Maybe he'd been holding out hope that she wasn't really dead…

Jean dropped her head into her hands in confusion. The bear still sat on her lap and she couldn't stop the small satisfied smile from creeping across her face as she looked closely at it. Instead, she happily settled the bear in front of her, just to the left of her screen and settled in for a day of work.

**

* * *

**

She tentatively knocked on his door late that night, when she was sure everyone else was in bed. Logan didn't give tokens like the bear and she wanted to thank him. However, since she was watched like a hawk when with a group of people, she'd decided it was a better thing to do in private. He opened the door groggy and shirtless. She breathed deep.

"Thank you," she said softly, her eyes finally, tentatively, meeting his.

"For what?" She couldn't stop the smirk from creeping over her face. Something about Logan had her acting less depressed and more like the Jean that wouldn't mind bantering back and forth with him.

"Kids wear you out today?" she asked as he stood back to allow her entrance to his room. He nodded with a yawn.

"Went a'runnin' all about. Couldn't keep tabs all the time," he mumbled out sinking down onto his bed. She smiled, slightly embarrassed.

"Then I'll let you get back to sleep. I just wanted to thank you for the bear," she told him, childishly hugging the pink animal to her chest. Logan smiled.

"Rogue told me about them one day when I was sitting watching TV with some of the kids. I figured she could watch you better than I could," he answered with a wink. Suddenly she got serious.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this?" Logan sighed. He really wasn't ready for this in depth conversation, but he knew she needed it.

"Because people do care, Jeannie. Plus, with the down and depressin' mood you've been paradin' about in, I figured you needed her." This time Jean gave him a smile that was full and genuine, the first one since she'd found herself breathing again.

"Thank you, Logan," she said sincerely. "Good night." She left.

"Good night, Jean."


	2. Bedtime

**Bedtime**

A week passed and Jean's life slipped into a more regular routine. She woke early, just at the start of classes, and allowed herself to wander out into the garden for an early morning walk. She ate breakfast alone – the odd time, Logan or the professor would wander in and join her – and was again off to her lab.

The only problem was the exhaustion she was starting to feel because of the nightmares.

She fell asleep in spurts, never for long, then wake up sharply, eyes wide and mouth open to scream. The nightmares took numerous forms. Sometimes she relived her own death, sometimes someone else's.

She took to wandering the halls, making her way to the kitchen for warm milk or tea, anything to help her settle her mind and ease the stress that was racing through her system. She met Logan there one night, already drinking.

"Why are you up?" she asked him softly, not wanting to disturb his thoughts.

"Couldn't sleep," he replied, not taking his eyes from his beer bottle. "You?"

"Same." Then she scoffed. "What else is new?"

"Since you've been back?" She thought about his question for a moment. How long _had_ she been having nightmares?

"Since I woke up," she answered finally, her eyes focused on a spot over his shoulder.

"Always the same?"

"No." Part of her couldn't understand why she was sharing any of this with him. She'd tried since she'd met him to push him away. Then she'd come back and he was one of the only ones who didn't look at her with fear and had no problem holding her gaze. The part of her that had pushed Logan away – to keep her comfortable relationship with Scott – now wanted his attention.

She wasn't sure how long she'd lost herself in her thoughts before a mug was in front of her, the steam and smell wafting up into her nose. Logan was re-seating himself at one of the island stools.

"It's not—"

"Earl Grey or Chamomile," he finished for her. She must have looked stunned because he was suddenly defending himself.

"The professor won't drink chamomile or coffee because of his telepathy and—" Jean had zoned out, bringing the steaming mug to her lips and taking a tentative sip.

"You remembered," she stated in soft awe. She'd always had tea, even years ago, but she never thought he'd remembered, or even noticed, how she took her tea. He shrugged.

"Thank you," she said.

"You seem to be sayin' that a lot lately," he pointed out. She gave him a mock chastising look over the rim of her cup.

"I was always taught to mind my manners," she replied. He chuckled.

"You implyin' somethin'?" She smiled into her mug but kept generally silent. Conversation flowed from there and Jean realized it felt good to have a regular conversation where she was treated equal. By the time she'd finished her tea and glanced at the clock, it was well into the early morning. Jean was awed at the way the time flew by.

"Look'it the time," Logan drawled, following her gaze. She gave him a small, sad smile as she stood, putting her mug back in the sink.

"You didn't have to stay up," she whispered. "You need the sleep."

"You'll be teaching soon," he promised her, moving to rest his hand on her back, between her shoulder blades. He felt the muscles tense, then relax with an expelled breath.

"Talk to me," he urged, allowing his hand to drift up and down her spine. She was quiet for a few moments, considering how much to say.

"You're the only person who's so much as brushed me since…" She didn't finish the sentence. Her head dropped forward, red hair – she hadn't cut it since coming back – concealing her face.

"And had a conversation with." What surprised her was the lack of pity she felt from him. Either he was excellent at hiding or he truly didn't pity her.

"Come on. I'll walk you upstairs."

**

* * *

**

She woke later than usual… way later. It was always early morning, the sun just peaking over the horizon, when she first opened her eyes. When she rolled over to look at her clock, it was creeping up on noon. She all but threw herself out of bed and tossed on a comfortable pair of pants and all but raced down for breakfast, already frazzled because of her thrown-off schedule.

She literally ran into Rogue on the way down to the lab. Both stumbled, Rogue into Bobby and Jean just plain backwards. They exchanged nervous greetings before Jean was off again, tears of frustration blurring her vision. She passed Scott, Ororo and the professor on the way down and when no one reached out she only ran faster, only stopping when she reached the safety of her sanctuary.

Thus, it was with a heavy heart and a troubled brain she took the back halls to her room. Her heart leapt into her throat at the blue bear at the head of the bed, leaning against her pillows, a piece of paper sitting on her stomach.

_For you. Bedtime Bear is supposed to help with sleep._

_Come and get me when you get in. I know you haven't eaten – Logan_

Her heart jumped, pumping in excitement. She found herself already moving through the halls, Bedtime Bear clutched in her arms.

**

* * *

**

"I wondered how long you were gonna sequester yourself," he told her, opening the door wide enough to let her in. Jean smiled sheepishly and stepped inside, allowing Logan to fine a shirt, having answered the door without one.

"It's safe down there," she defended. Logan nodded sagely.

"Reality's up here," he told her gently, returning to the main bedroom. They made their way to the kitchen where they'd spent the previous night. Once she had a plate of half decent food in front of her, a thought raced through her head.

"How did you know I'd lock myself in the lab?" Sure, it was where she worked every day, but she was out by dinner.

"I talked to Bobby and Rogue." He was watching her carefully enough to see the tension in her body and silently congratulated himself for his brilliance in figuring out the catalyst to her apparent bad day.

"Well, they came to talk to me," he amended. "She was pretty upset."

"_She _was upset?" Jean asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Felt pretty guilty for makin' you cry," he replied. Jean relaxed slightly and shrugged.

"It wasn't her fault," she admitted finally. "I was a little over-emotional today." Logan watched her absently play with the ear of the bear she was still holding.

"You think Bedtime'll help tonight," he inquired, meaning to change the subject. She didn't answer, nor did she acknowledge the change.

"They ignored me," she said softly. Though Logan had a pretty good idea of whom she was talking about, he asked for clarification.

"They all saw my tears… the students, Ororo… even Scott and the professor and no one did anything." Her voice cracked at the end as her throat clogged in remembrance.

"I can partially understand the fear behind the student, but the others?" Her voice dropped to a pained whisper. "I grew up with them."

Logan didn't know what to do. Most of what she was talking about there wasn't a magic cure for. It was going to be a healing process, one that every one else seemed intent on dragging out slowly and painfully.

For the second night in a row, Logan watched Jean dissolve into tears and for the second night in a row locked up his anger – regardless of the fact that he was pretty sure she'd already felt it – and pulled her into his embrace. She sagged against him easily, Bedtime clutched in her hands. After a while her sobs calmed down. When Logan decided she'd finally stopped crying, her breathing had evened out. Jean was asleep.

As carefully as he could, Logan shifted her so one arm was under her knees, the other under her shoulders and carried her to her bed. When he settled her under her covers, he noticed the blue bear fall to the floor from where it had been crushed between his body and hers. With a small tender smile, he placed the bear next to her and left, softly closing the door behind him.


	3. Friend

**Friend**

Jean woke at her regular time the next morning, feeling rested and refreshed. Looking at the clock in awe she realized she'd slept through the night. Glancing down at the bear she had wrapped in her arms, she smiled and got up to start her day.

**

* * *

**

For the first time in a long while, Jean hummed to herself while she worked, moving more fluidly and seamlessly around the lab than usual. She chalked it up to her beautiful night's sleep.

"Dr Grey?" The voice that called into the lab was soft and tentative, but the idea that some one – a female someone, from the voice, and thus, not Logan – was calling to her startled her. She turned around and spotted Rogue.

"Does the professor want something?" Jean asked, snapping off the gloves she was wearing.

"Um… no." The teenager shook her head. "I… I tried asking Logan and Mr. Summers, but they couldn't help me…" Jean couldn't keep the sheepish smile, extremely tentative, from creeping over her face.

"Rogue, it's okay. What can I help with?" Jean hoped she sounded more confident than she was feeling. The younger woman sighed.

"My biology. I can't understand this cellular respiration," Rogue admitted. Jean could feel the tension rolling off of the brunette in waves.

"Sure," Jean replied, pulling up a spare chair at her desk. "Let's take a look at it."

**

* * *

**

It turned out that Rogue was having problems understanding a variety of her chemistry and biology topics so she and Jean sat together almost every day after classes ended. One day, Rogue came in a little late, bringing Bobby and John behind her.

"Show them the coloured fire, Dr Grey! And the thing… boiling stone…"

"Magnesium?" Jean inquired, spinning on her chair from her microscope. Rogue's face lit up.

"Please?" Jean chuckled softly, valiantly ignoring the blatant fear rolling off the boys.

"Rogue, you're crazy."

"No you're chickens. She's the same as she was before Alkali Lake." Jean could hear the exasperation in Rogue's voice, as if she'd had this conversation before.

"You have no proof," John hissed.

"Neither do you. Plus, any of my proof would come from experience," Rogue shot back. "Who did you think was helping me with chem and bio?" Jean stepped in before the boys could reply. She smiled softly at them as she filled a petri dish with water.

"We'll save the fire for another day," Jean promised as she brought the equipment to an empty lab bench. Regardless of their misgivings, all three teens gathered around. Jean held the magnesium over the water.

"What are some of the properties of magnesium?" she asked, unwittingly slipping into 'teacher mode'.

"It's unstable," Rogue offered immediately. Jean beamed with pride.

"Exactly. So when I put it in water?"

"It'll react," Bobby responded, his brain slipping into that of a student. Jean performed the experiment, and they all watched as the solid bubbled and fizzed on the water's surface.

"That was awesome," Bobby stated once the reaction had gone to completion. Jean shot him a puzzled look.

"You've never seen that before?" When she taught the science course – with the exception of physics because the professor loved it too much – they were always doing experiments and lab work. In fact, the magnesium reaction was done like clockwork, a permanent addition to the curriculum.

"Not since…" John let the sentence trail off.

"We got someone new, a temp, in after Alkali Lake, but Mr Summers and the professor teach now. We don't do in-class experiments," Rogue explained.

"But the practical application is half of the learning process," Jean protested. The students in front of her shrugged. It was soon after that Bobby and John left, but Rogue stayed behind.

"You should come back to teaching," the young woman suggested quietly.

"Rogue –"

"Come on, Dr. Grey! You saw the look on their faces and you can't tell me their wariness didn't fade over time!" Gently, Jean settled her hands on Rogue's shoulders.

"You're three people and I'm a telepath," she said softly with a sad smile. "Even with your support it wouldn't be a far stretch for them to assume I'm controlling you." Rogue scoffed, but Jean knew the younger woman heard the truth in her words.

"You used to be an optimist," Rogue said softly, not allowing her eyes to meet Jean's.

"Used to be?" Jean questioned. If this was going where she thought, it was about to be the first ever conversation she was having with another person about Alkali Lake and her death.

"Before Alkali Lake." Rogue's voice was almost a whisper, as if even to her it was a touchy subject. Jean rolled her eyes as she moved things about.

"I haven't really had anything to be optimistic about," she countered scathingly.

"You died, Dr. Grey! Some of us watched the water crash over you! Then we dealt with it, moved on almost. _Then you came back_. We had no idea of what to make of any of it."

"Except Logan," Jean pointed out matter-of-factly. Rogue smiled tightly.

"The moment he got word from the professor, he was rounding us up to head back," Rogue remembered.

"He never believed I was mentally unstable."

"He wouldn't believe you were dead." Both women were silent after Rogue's statement.

"You think dying… messed that much with my head?"

"_We don't know_," Rogue stressed. "That's the problem."

"There isn't a test, Rogue, and I told everyone I was perfectly fine. That's what hurts." Jean vaguely wondered why she was explaining all of this to a sixteen-year-old, but it felt good to admit they were hurting her.

Rogue wasn't exactly sure what Jean was referring to. Subconsciously, she was aware there wasn't a test that could judge a telekinetic/telepathic person's mental stability, but to hear it from a doctor's mouth did a fairly good job of solidifying it. That, however, wasn't what confused her. 'That's what hurts' Jean had said, pain more than evident. It took a few seconds for Rogue to puzzle through the phrase.

"No one believed you?" Rogue whispered finally. "No one listened." Jean wouldn't meet Rogue's eyes. Suddenly, the younger woman felt horrible for the way Jean had been treated since she'd been back.

"God, Dr Grey, I'm so sorry." Before Jean could process, Rogue had wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug. Tentatively, Jean returned the hug. Rogue eventually stepped back.

"Guess that was kind of mean of us." Jean shrugged and sighed.

"That's a conversation for another day," she said, all but shooing Rogue out of the lab.

**

* * *

**

Half an hour later, too distracted to do any more work, Jean made her way upstairs. She wasn't paying attention when she opened her bedroom door, so when her eyes fell on Logan, sleeping on her bed with a bear in his grasp, she jumped.

"Damnit Logan," she cursed under her breath. Mumbling something, he rolled over with the peach-coloured bear. Jean sat delicately on the edge of the bed, hoping upon hope he didn't wake and attack her like he had Rogue almost four years ago.

When he didn't move an inch, Jean allowed herself a little more freedom, delicately withdrawing the peach bear from his grasp and noticing the pen and blank piece of paper on the bedside table. Inwardly, she frowned. Who was this bear? Did Logan usually sleep with stuffed animals? The second endeared her to him more than she really would have lived.

Then her mind started wandering. Why was Logan asleep? It was the first time se'd left the lab early… Did he always take a nap here while she was downstairs? Was it a habit he'd picked up before her return – a question made plausible by the idea that Jean had discovered everything had been left the way she'd left it when she moved in with Scott years ago and thus, technically the room was still hers – or since she'd moved out of Scott's? She jumped when her alarm clock went off and moved to cut the sound. When she turned back, Logan was looking at her blearily. She smiled shyly, squeezing the bear in her hands.

"Hey," she said softly, taking careful steps to the foot of her bed.

"Hey," he answered, voice made husky by sleep.

"Tired?" she asked with an amused smile.

"You're up early," he replied, ignoring her question. Jean couldn't stop the blush creeping up her neck.

"I got distracted," she replied honestly, not meeting his eyes. "I couldn't focus."

"Dr. Jean Grey? Distracted?" Logan sounded awed, but the smile on his face when she did face him told her he'd always thought her concentration was admirable.

"Yeah," she smiled shyly. She picked at loose threads in her bedspread as a comfortable silence stretched between them.

"Do you always have an afternoon nap?" she asked carefully. Logan, though he didn't show it in his face or body, was oozing surprise at her question.

"Got tired," he said with a shrug. She couldn't stop the slightly satisfied, slightly predatory grin from stretching across her face.

"In my bed? With a bear? And why did you set the alarm?" she asked, barely masking amusement in her voice. Logan looked at the bear in her arms.

"Friend bear…? She's for you." Her face lit up brightly.

"You're spoiling me." Jean's 180 in attitude disturbed Logan a bit, and he had made a mental note to ask about what had distracted her in the first place, but a carefree Jean Grey was a sight to behold.

"What's this one for?" Her question startled him back to the conversation.

"Excuse me?"

"The bear, Friend Bear," she prompted. "Cheer was for happiness, Bedtime was to help me sleep and Friend Bear…?"

"Help be a good friend," Logan replied after a minute, having to wrack his brain to remember. Then he shrugged.

"You don't need to be shown how to be a good friend. I meant for him to be your friend."

"I'm a little short on those," she admitted softly. Her head bowed and hair from where she was constantly tucking it. Slowly, making sure she was aware of his movement, Logan reached out and brushed it back. Then, as if realizing the intimacy of the action, moved to leave.

"The ones you have will never abandon you," he told her fiercely, his back still to her. He closed the door on the way out.

* * *

_**If I'm not mistaken, at the beginning of the first movie Rogue's on her way to college, but for the story, she's 16. I had to make it fit with asking Jean for help... Rogue didn't strike me as the type of girl who would be studying science in college.**_


	4. Secret

**Secret**

There were things Jean was more than willing to share – if anyone had been willing to listen – but 85 percent of her life was safely locked away. As she sat on her bed one afternoon, her eyes passing over the bears in front of her, Jean's stomach flip-flopped and made a valiant jump into her throat.

She'd shared a lot with Logan.

Before Alkali Lake – as she most commonly referred to her death – she wouldn't have had an extensive problem with what she'd told Logan, how she'd opened her heart. However, she'd become much more guarded with the way the people whom she'd once called friends were shunning her. She'd admitted to him that it hurt, hell she'd admitted it to Rogue!

The more rational, logical part of her reasoned that it was because every one else had turned her away that she reached out with Logan, even if the reaching was subconscious on her part. The other part, more guarded and cautious, screamed at her for opening herself up to him and what he cold do with the knowledge he gained.

_But he's had the chance to hurt you, _her mind reasoned_, If he'd wanted to hurt you, he would have by now._

The knock at her door startled her and she glanced at the clock.

"It's open," she called, closing her eyes as the time that had passed.

"Jeannie? You okay?" Logan's voice floated through the still-closed door.

"Yeah. Come on in." He opened the door and poked his head in, checking to make sure everything was really okay. When he was positive she was still breathing, he entered fully.

"Rogue was looking for you," he told her.

"I've been helping her with her sciences," Jean answered. "After school every day." Without thinking twice about invading her personal space, he sat on her bed, shifting util he was beside her, looking at the three bears displayed in front of them.

"You aren't downstairs," he told her.

"Excellent observation," she said sarcastically. He shrugged, just absorbing her words.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I'm…" His eyebrow went up.

"I'm taking a day off," she said delicately. If it was possible, his eyebrow rose further to his hairline.

"A day off?" he asked, the tone incredulous. Jean rolled her eyes, moving to get off the bed.

"If you came here to tease me, I'm not in the mood," she told him, standing and moving to the window. She heard him sigh.

"I didn't come to tease, Jeannie," he promised. "Come sit." But Jean didn't move.

"Why didn't you believe I was dead?" she asked softly, her gaze out the window.

"What?"

"You didn't believe I was dead," she repeated. "Why?" Logan was stunned into silence.

"It doesn't matter," he finally said.

"It matters to me!" she exclaimed. "You were there Logan, you watched me…" She hadn't realized she was starting to cry until she choked on her tears.

"Jean…" The redhead shook her head strongly, folding her arms across her stomach.

"Tell me." He moved to get up.

"Damnit just tell me!" she yelled. "Everyone else thought I was dead!" Logan stayed silent out of shcok. She'd never been this angry in the time Logan had known her. Thoughts rushed through his head, lies to tell you so he wouldn't have to admit the truth.

"Don't even think aobut it," she said in a low voice. Anger bubbled up in his mind.

"If this is so important, find out for yourself," he said scathingly. "Tell me why I didn't believe you were gone." Her eyes widened in fear at the idea, a fear he could almost smell as the adrenaline started to leak into her bloodstream. She shook her head empathetically. In her emotional state, she wasn't sure she wanted to risk hurting him.

"If you want to know, look." He'd backed her against the wall. She shook her head again. It was only then that Logan was able to place the smell of fear. Immediately, he stepped back, his attitude changing completely.

"Jean…" But Jean had already fled.

**

* * *

**

She was immensely proud of herself. She hadn't run to the lab, hadn't run to any of her usual spots and managed to avoid public areas. Instead, she'd slipped off into the extensive estate garden, to a place few knew about and fewer visited.

It wasn't anything special, really, just an angelic statue that Jean had adored when she was a teen. The thing was she just didn't feel she had to visit it every day, more did she make it a favourite thinking spot. She liked how it looked at the edge of the sprawling estate, away from students, teachers and angry mutants. It was the closest she would allow herself to civilization, for a while anyway.

She'd been completely petrified and paranoid as she moved through the trees. Now, as she looked up at the statue she greatly hoped Logan wouldn't sniff her out. It had her on edge when she was meant to be calming down.

Why did she have to calm down in the first place?

Logan hadn't asked that much of her, really. All he'd asked was the at she look into his head… And all she'd wanted were some answers, maybe help to piece together life without her. If she was totally honest with herself, shed wanted him to give her a concrete statement about his feelings. Even Scott had believed her dead the man who loved her had thought she was gone… but Logan hadn't.

All she'd wanted were answers.

She'd gotten the wrong ones. Instead of getting answers from him she'd gotten answers about herself. The constant distrust in her and in her abilities had begun to override her own fait. It was difficult for her to trust that she wouldn't kill Logan without thought, well, conscious thought.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked rhetorically. "How am I supposed to get them to trust and believe in me if I don't believe in myself?" She looked down at the bottom of the statue, tears clouding her vision. Covering her face with her hands and dropping to her knees, she allowed herself to cry.

**

* * *

**

Really, she shouldn't have been surprised by the object on her pillow. The pink bear was innocent looking as it smile don her pillow. She picked it up carefully, turning it over and over in her hands. It had contrasted sharply with the dark blue of her bedspread, just like the white of the paper did now. She picked it up carefully, opening it with closed eyes and shaking hands.

_This is the last bear and he hates me, _she thought to herself. Thus, she had to take a deep breath before blinking her eyes open.

_Jean,_

_Meet Secret Bear. Secret Bear helps with trust between friends. I like to think of us as friends. Trust me. –Logan_

She hadn't realized she'd stopped breathing until she finished reading. It was then that the air wooshed out of her lungs. Impulsively she spun and left.

**

* * *

**

She found him in the library, occupying himself with a book. Still, she could feel all of his worry and knew he wasn't concentrating on the woods. He didn't look up when she dropped to the couch beside him, nor did he speak.

"I don't trust myself to use my power on people," she whispered, Leaving a finger in his page, he slowly closed the book. Then he turned to face her on the couch, telling her with his eyes to continue.

"I don't know why," she told him, playing with her hands. "You told me to look for myself and I… I couldn't do it." He was silent for a few minutes.

"Why did you want to know?" His voice was gentle when he asked the question.

'Rogue mentioned it," Jean said. "She… you were the only one that couldn't accept my 'death', didn't like the idea."

"I didn't want to believe you were gone," he affirmed. It was her turn to face him.

"Why? I don't understand." Her head was starting to pound overloading emotions and her walls were breaking down, allowing other thoughts to seep in. He sighed.

"Jeannie, I want to tell you…"

"Then tell me," she begged. "Just spit it out."

"It won't help you find closure on it, Jean. It will only serve to confuse you further." Her eyes pleaded with him to tell her, regardless. His arm wrapped around her shoulders as she learned against him. His fingers threaded through her hair, stroking her scalp.

"I promise to tell you, Jeannie," he told her, pressing a kiss to her hair. "I promise." She turned the bear over in her hands, allowing her body to relax against his.

"Trust me," he added, is free hand folding over hers and thus, the bear. She smiled softly.

"I do," she answered. "I trust you."


	5. Share

**Share**

Neither of them had realized they'd fallen asleep until Jean's eyes fluttered open with the early morning light that floated into the library. The light danced across her face for a few minutes, forcing her to close her eyes again. She groaned as she stretched, pushing against the soft cushions and another warm object. It was then she felt the weight on her head and shoulder. Her eyes shot opened and she felt the weight lift from her head. She looked up at her pillow and found Logan looking down at her.

"Morning," he said, voice husky with lack of use. Logan had been awake longer than Jean and had not only watched the sun rise, but had watched the rays skip over her face. Since she'd come back, he'd never seen her face as peaceful as he did that morning. He'd known she was beautiful, but he was pretty sure he'd seen nothing like her sleeping face.

"Morning," she answered finally. "I'm sorry for falling asleep on you."

"No need for apologies," he told her, looking down as she looked up.

_It would be so easy to kiss her_, the thought to himself. She looked sleep tussled and ridiculously tempting, but Logan fought valiantly. With all of the indecision she was suffering, he didn't want to confuse her any further.

"Thank you," she said, looking away.

"For what?"

"You've been fantastic," she said softly. "I've been a pain."

"You've been confused, Jeannie. You're allowed to overreact," he theorized.

"But it's not fair to…"

"You need to release it somehow."

"I just…" she trailed off with a shrug and sat up fully, his arm falling off of her shoulder. He didn't push her to tell him anything, but when she didn't answer he prompted her.

"You just…?"

"Never mind." Logan wasn't sure what to do. Part of him had hoped that with the bear, Jean would have opened up, trusted him enough to open up. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like it was going to happen. The other part of him seriously felt he needed to get it out of her. He sighed heavily, frustration evident in every muscle of his body. She was playing with her hands in her lap in nervousness. He stood.

"I'll see you around," he said, leaving her in shock on the couch.

**

* * *

**

She had been hurt when he requested to chaperone the latest town trip. It was another person who didn't want to spend time with her, who thought she wasn't worth the attention. Thus, she once again sequestered herself in the underground labs and rooms of the basement. She'd decided upon busy work, relying on the mundane tasks of recalibration of her equipment and updating all of the danger room software. That didn't even begin on the updates to the plane or within her lab's security system…

"Jean?" She was updating all of the medical files when Rogue walked in. She smiled tightly as she faced the young woman.

"Hello, Rogue." Rogue stepped up to her with a friendly smile.

"Have you talked to Logan?" the younger woman asked as she took a seat at their regular lab bench. Jean shook her head.

"Have you talked to anyone?" Rogue wasn't surprised when Jean shook her head again. Still, she acted appropriately.

"Not even the professor?" Jean looked at her, confused.

"Why would I…?"

"About coming back to teach?"

"Rogue…"

"You have to! None of us understand anything that Mr Summers is trying to teach us!" Rogue complained. "Anyone who wanted to go to med school is seriously reconsidering."

"Rogue, we've had this conversation. I'm not going back to teaching."

"Please, Dr Grey?"

"Rouge…"

"I'm teaching everyone off of what you teach me,' she said, leaning forward towards the doctor. Jean sighed and rested her head in her hands.

"I can't, Rogue," she said with new conviction.

"Why not?" Rogue returned passionately. "You're damned smart, Dr Grey, and you know you're the only one with enough knowledge to give any of us a chance!"

"I can't do it, Rogue!" Jean yelled, slamming her hands on the table. Rogue jumped, but didn't run.

"Why can't you do it?" Rogue's voice was a whisper. "I'll stop asking if you'll explain to me why you won't help us."

"There's no deal-making, Rogue. I won't go back." Rogue sighed and started picking up her books, facing Jean when she was finished.

"I'm not afraid of you, Dr Grey and I won't be. I trust you and I trust your knowledge. I just wish you'd trust and share with us." With that, Rogue left

**

* * *

**

Jean loved the roof, just to the right of the living room chimney to keep the regular wind that bombarded to house away. She came up here to think, like the statue, but without the care as to who could find her.

She was extremely glad that the night was crystal clear and mild enough that her sweatshirt was warm enough. The stars sparkled, calming frazzled nerves and chaotic thoughts. Her conversation with Rogue had surprised her; her anger had annoyed her; Logan's reaction that morning had confused her. She was still reeling from it all.

"Hey Logan," she said softly, having sensed more than seen or heard his approach.

"Hey back," he answered, taking a seat beside her. They stayed silent for a few moments, both too absorbed in the stars and thoughts to care.

Jean knew she had a decision to make. She had to choose between telling Logan about what Rogue had said, about her fears, or keeping it bottled up and allowing it to eat at her. As a newly private person, it was a hard decision to make.

He watched her struggled with the decision out of the corner of his eye. He was sure Rogue had seen and talked to Jean that afternoon and wondered what could have Jean so out of sorts that she was out on the roof.

"Rogue wants me to go back to teaching," Jean said softly, finally breaking the silence. He wasn't exactly sure how to respond and settled for watching her hands play with the edge of the blanket. When she glanced at him, he knew she expected a response.

"Do you want to?" It was really the only thing he could think of saying without feeling like he was prying. Jean shrugged.

"Partly." It was an honest answer. Jean knew Rogue had played on her inherent need to help people when the younger woman asked her to return to teaching. Jean wanted these kids to succeed outside of the Institute and she knew some of them adored sciences, enough to want to continue in the field.

"Then what's stopping you?" Logan always went for what he wanted and indecision wasn't normal for him.

"Trust," she whispered.

"Sorry?"

"Trust," Jean repeated, stronger this time.

"You don't trust people?" He was confused.

"They don't trust me," she said, a strong anger in her voice. But then her demeanour changed completely and she slouched in defeat.

"I don't trust myself." Logan turned indignant.

"Whoa! You don't what?"

"Trust myself," she repeated. Now that she'd started, her brain wouldn't let her stop. "With anything. I don't know the extent of my abilities, whether it's increased or decreased, whether its safe or dangerous. When you told me to look for myself… It terrified me Logan. What if I'd killed you? What if I kill a student?"

"You have control, Jean." She sighed in frustration.

"Do I really? I yelled at Rogue today and I knew my control slipped. What's stopping it from slipping when I'm…"

"Jeannie," Logan began, looking back up at the stars. However, he didn't continue after that.

"What?"

"I trust you, and I trust in the control you have."

"You're one person!" She was completely sick of the argument they were having. She'd talked to Rogue about it and was sure neither of them were ever going to see her side.

"You have to start somewhere," he responded. "Have you talked to Xavier?"

"Why would I talk to the professor?" Logan shrugged.

"About your fears. Maybe he could help you with your control." He stopped there and they lapsed into silence, both allowing themselves to once again get lost in thought.

"What if he can't?"

"You won't know until you try," Logan pointed out. Jean rolled her eyes, but patted the blanket she was sitting on. Immediately, he moved beside her and she curled up against him, drowning in the comfort he seemed more than willing to provide.

"I'm sorry for not spilling my heart," she said after a long, comfortable silence. "I know you want to know what I'm thinking, I know you want to help. I want you to know I appreciate it.

"Jean…"  
"You don't want to push," she continued, as if she hadn't heard him. "And I appreciate the time you've given me to straighten out where I'm going and who I trust."

"Jean," he started again, stronger this time.

"I want to tell you." That stopped his interruption, and most of his thought processes.

"I wish I could tell you my hopes and dreams, Logan, especially after everyone abandoned me. It's just hard for me to open up when no one has said more than two words to me since I've started to breathe again.

"Jeannie."

"I know I can trust you," she continued with a soft smile. "You've been nothing but spectacular and supportive, but my heart is afraid of being abandoned again.

"I wouldn't be able to," he told her honestly.

"I'm trying Logan. I'm trying really hard." He could hear the tears in her voice, even if her head was pillowed on his shoulder.

"You don't have to prove anything to me," he told her honestly. "I won't believe you've changed enough to hurt anyone."

"Why?" It was an honest question.

"For the same reason I couldn't believe you were dead."

"Which is?"

"Some other time. When you've settled your mind, I'll tell you," he promised.

"Why?"

"Why what Jeannie?"

"Why… You won't tell me anything."

"I don't want to have you dealing with the reasons before you've settled everything with everyone else," he explained calmly, his hand combing soothingly through her hair.

"How does everyone else factor into this?"

"Just trust me," he told her, leaving no room for discussion. Though frustrated, Jean let the subject drop. They sat starting at the starry night for a while before Logan spoke.

"Let's go inside. I want to give you something." She followed him willingly, back into the Institiute and through the corridors to his room.

"You can come in if you want," he told her as they reached the doors. Jean paused for a second, but followed him in. She sat on the bed while Logan dug for a minute in his drawers. Finally, he seemed to find what he was looking for and faced her. She recognized the object as he sat beside her. After a minute had passed he passed the purple bear to her. She trailed her fingers over the twin flower lollipops before meeting his gaze.

"Who is it?" she asked.

"Share bear," Logan answered lowly.

"For sharing?" Jean guessed.

"Partly. She comes with a promise."

"A promise?" Jean questioned tentatively.

"I promise to tell you why I wouldn't believe you were dead," he told her gravely.

"That's a big promise to make," she said, tracing her fingertips over the bear's face.

"I know."


	6. Grumpy

**Grumpy**

It had been a horrible day. Sure, she'd had bad days; speaking to frustrating men in the Senate, knowing Logan had left without saying goodbye, dying, but this had topped them all. It had started with her waking up to a horrible feeling that the day was going to be a bad one. Had it been a different day, she probably would have shrugged it off and moved on, but the way it churned her stomach – and the fact that it was her birthday – made her nauseous.

She soon realized why.

There wasn't a single soul left in the mansion. She knew the halls were too quiet and the grounds were unmoving, a quick mental scan confirmed that for her. Even Logan was gone, and without explanation.

And part of her was just plain grumpy.

Before Alkali Lake and its aftermath, Jean hadn't known the meaning of the word. She'd used the word to describe Scott, Ororo and at the rarest times, Xavier, but never herself. The fact that she felt rumpled and in a horrible mood was a testament to her stress.

By the time they got back, Jean was ready to actually injure someone.

Instead of actually physically injuring someone, she lashed out at the first person she saw. Rogue. The teenager had only wanted to apologize for not making their session and for not telling her she was going to miss it. She ended up with a harsh lecture about commitment and responsibility and left next to tears. Seconds later, Jean registered exactly what had happened and felt guilt creep up her spine.

Until Scott burst in.

She was pretty sure she'd never yelled at Scott in her life and it wasn't that he was in her lab so much as the angry reprimand that stemmed from his mouth. She waited out the tirade before launching into her own.

_You have a lot of nerve coming down her, especially after everything you've done. And to do what? Yell at me for lecturing a student. You don't say two words to me for eight months and then chastise me for explaining, angrily, I'll admit, to a student things about responsibility? We can't baby these kids forever and you sure as hell don't have the right to tell me what I can and can't do. Get out._

She'd never seen him try to get away from anyone as quickly as he'd fled from her. She took twisted satisfaction in that fact.

She'd almost thrown the bear and it's note across the hall when she almost tripped on it, but picked it up, the sight of it already warming her heart. The bear was blue, a rain cloud on its stomach.

_Grumpy bear. He believes being grumpy is silly._

_Don't go far, because I know you want to. Don't worry, I already chatted with Rogue and I'm pretty sure Tibet heard your fight with Golden Boy._

_Sit tight, I'll look for you when I get back._

_Logan_

Jean also hoped he had a damn good explanation as to his wordless absence.

**

* * *

**

Logan knocked tentatively on her door almost an hour later. She grunted out an enter and watched the handle turn slowly. Instead of Logan, a wrapped square, complete with a card and ribbon, poked through the crack.

"I promise not to bite hard," she teased, unable to stop the teary smile from stretching across her face. Logan's small smile put her heart at ease as he presented her with the object. Out of training, she opened the card first, withdrawing a colourful card screaming its message.

Happy Birthday.

Jean couldn't hold in her gasp of surprise a the gesture. Her newly happy eyes met his as he absentmindedly played with the curled ribbon.

"I'm sorry for not bein' here all day and not contactin' you," he said, letting his arm drape around her shoulder. Jean let him press a delicate kiss to her temple.

"I wanted to leave a note…" Jean wasn't listening. Her attention was focused on removing the ribbon and paper from the object. The paper fluttered from her grasp as she froze.

"Jeannie?" He'd been a little apprehensive about this gift and her reaction.

"Where did you get this?" she managed.

"You like it?"

"Are you kidding?" she shot back, flipping the square over in her hand. "Logan, this was published in the 1700s…"

"Yeah…" He really didn't know what to say. Instead, he watched her fingers trace over the embossed letters on the cover: _A Midsummer Night's Dream_. Jean adored that Shakespeare play for the whimsical beauty. The glee of having her own, next-to-original copy showed as clear as day on her face.

"I can't believe this." She launched herself at him, knocking him backwards on to her bed. He landed with a soft oomph, but hugged her back.

"You remembered."

"I couldn't forget."

"My birthday sucked," she said matter-of-factly, lifting her body off of his just enough to look him in the face. His hand began a soothing trail of her spine.

"I'm sorry."

"Where did you go?"

"Specifically?" She nodded.

"Golden Boy, Storm and I headed off to see Magneto. I think the prof is trying to convince him to come back to our side." She smiled.

"Fun, fun," she said sarcastically.

"Yeah, I was glad to hear you put him in his place."

"And everyone else?"

"Play day. I heard Rogue yammer somethin' 'bout _Stomp_." Jean nodded affectionately remembering her own trips to the theatre.

"I would have told you…" Jean shook her head, halting his explanation as she settled more comfortably on his chest.

Logan had never felt the need to explain himself before. He hadn't cared what others thought, and hadn't really apologized for missing anything or for doing anything that broke the rules. With Jean, he felt like he had to be different. He didn't mind apologizing or trying to explain himself.

The concern he felt for her was almost as foreign an emotion. Sure, he'd gotten attached to Rogue quickly after meeting her, but the girl had guts, something he couldn't deny. Jean hadn't done anything like that. Sure, she'd fought as hard as anyone else in the battles, if not harder, and had gained his respect when she didn't shy away from him after he almost strangled her. Still, he really hadn't meant to be concerned when he got back.

Apparently she was unforgettable.

"Read to me," she requested from his left shoulder.

"What?"

"Read to me?" He looked down at her comfortable head in absolute and utter confusion.

"Jean…"

"Please Logan? It's been a really bad day." When her voice took on that vulnerable tone and he could almost see her pout, he couldn't deny her anything.

"From this?" he asked, picking up her book where she'd dropped it, an arms length away from their bodies. She nodded and he flipped open the book and started to read. Half an hour later, Jean interrupted him.

"Logan?" she asked softly. "Why do you deal with me?" He knew she wasn't actually asking the question with the expectation of an answer.

"I've been nothing but a bitter, insecure pain. I don't know why you put up with me."

"Those that care don't leave you behind," he told her, his voice sounding much older than she'd ever heard it before.

"The hero is the one that stays," Jean quoted back, more in agreement than admonishment. He bounced her head gently against his shoulder to get her attention.

"Does that mean I'm your hero?" His tone told her he was teasing and she let herself grin and lightly slap his side where her head lay.

"Yeah… Maybe you are." They were silent for a few moments, his hand still stroking her back.

"Don't tell anyone, huh?" he requested finally. She giggled.

"Nah," she decided, stifling a yawn. "Couldn't have anyone doubting your bad boy persona " He chuckled, the sound vibrating through her body.

"You sleepin' okay?" he asked after that, having caught her yawn.

"Yeah," she answered. "It's been a trying day."

"That bad?" She nodded into her shoulder.

"I have to apologize to Rogue," she said, shifting the focus.

"She's okay," he assured her. "It can wait." She pushed herself up, resting her arms across his chest to support herself. She looked down at him from her vantage point.

"She's okay?"

"Yeah, she'll forgive you," he promised. "Talk to her tomorrow." She was really too comfortable to move and find Rogue anyway. She was pretty sure Logan could feel the tension seeping out of her muscles.

"Okay." She rested back against him. They settled like that an Jean had almost drifted off to sleep when Logan again nudged her awake.

"Dinner?" he offered, his own eyes bleary. She nodded settling against him again. He chuckled.

"You have to get off of me first," he pointed out teasingly. She groaned, but rolled off of him. Logan stood and offered his hand. She blindly groped at it, finally grasping the appendage.

"Feelin' better?" he asked with a smirk. She mirrored the expression.

"I'm just happy someone remembered it was my birthday." Through her voice was upbeat, her eyes showed the pain she was feeling. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder as they left the room, kissing her temple.

"Happy birthday," he whispered as they moved towards the kitchen.


	7. Good Luck

**_I remembered after I wrote this that John (Pyro) goes off with Magneto. For this, we're going to pretend it didn't happen. So, in a way, it's AU, but for the story it has to work. Sorry!_

* * *

**

**Good Luck**

"Logan!" Jean called. "Good."

"Hello to you too." She gave him a shy, nervous smile as she fell into step with him.

"What's up?" He noticed her biting her bottom lip in nervousness. Finally, she took a deep breath as if preparing herself for a huge revelation.

"I'm going to talk to the professor today about going back to teaching." He wasn't sure what to say. Less than a month ago, she'd flatly refused to even think about teaching. Her change had him confused. Her reasoning had been sound when she'd explained her lack of trust in her abilities. Sure, he believed in her, but he wasn't sure she could have mastered enough control in the span of a month. Her mental nudge told him otherwise.

"I've been practicing," she told him proudly. He chuckled softly.

"Really."

"Within the lab and a lot of small things."

"Teaching?"

"Yeah. Rogue brought a couple of her friends down to the lab again for some more experiment stuff and it hit me, how much I loved teaching," she said, suddenly animated and excited. He chuckled at her youthful exuberance as they continued to meander down the halls. A lot of changes in Jean had made him giddy these days.

Rogue had called him on his actions, the only one really paying enough attention to notice. Around Jean, nothing else mattered. Whenever Rogue wanted to find him, the first places she checked, besides his room, were the lab and Jean's room.

He was just glad he'd gotten a second chance.

Half of him wanted to severely injure Scott Summers for his treatment of the woman he was supposed to have loved. The stronger half thanked Scott for screwing up and letting go of what was probably the best part of the holier-than-thou bastard's life. Logan had been offered a second chance and it was the only thing he'd ever prayed for.

"When are you talking to Chuck?" he asked, breaking the comfortable silence. If he was completely honest with himself, they rarely had awkward silences any more. Jean looked at him sheepishly.

"When I find the guts. Just because I've been practicing doesn't mean I have complete trust in my control and doesn't mean he'll let me go back," she explained. He smirked.

"I think we both know he could never say no to you." She shook her head empathetically.

"That's half of the problem. I want him to let me back because I'm the best for it, not because I'm still his protégée," she said, sadness creeping into her voice. Not wanting that sadness sticking around, Logan elected to change the subject.

"What did you show the students?" he asked, knowing her inherent love of chemistry and biology would be a good distraction.

"Nothing overt. It was really only electrolytic solutions…"

"Whoa, Jeannie, dumb it down for us normal people." Her pursed lips and short glare spoke of her displeasure with the term.

"In laymen's terms then," she subtly corrected. "Some substances can conduct electricity." The rest of the explanation he zoned out, captivated by the melodical excitement in her voice.

"Were they the same kids?" Jean shook her head.

"New ones. I think she's just trying to prove a point."

"And?"

"Well she must have really made it, right? I'm going to talk to the professor," she shrugged.

"Set a date," he told her.

"What?"

"Set a date."

"For what?"

"Talking to the professor."

"Logan, that's not…" He stopped, pulling her to face him and meeting her gaze squarely.

"I trust you to go through with it Jean, but courage after what you went through, is going to be hard to find. The deadline…" he shrugged. Jean sighed. Once again he'd been able to see past her mask and figure her out. She suddenly really understood why he wanted her to set that date.

"A week," she finally decided, sounding much more confident than she felt. His look of shock had her butterflies attempting acrobatic tricks in her stomach.

"You can take your time."

"I know. But you're right. Its only going to get harder the longer I put it off." He looked at her strangely for a moment and she grinned.

"I'm not reading your mind," she promised, ducking around him to continue down the hall. "Its all over your face." With that, she sauntered off down the hall.

* * *

A week later, having made sure to keep her decision a secret, Jean awoke to the worst butterflies she'd ever had. She was going to talk to Xavier. 

It wasn't talking to Xavier that had her feeling uncomfortable but the potential result. She'd been a good teacher, absolutely in love with her curriculum, but her biggest fear was that the professor would tell her she was still untrusted with the students. Rogue had stealthily brought in an astounding number of students in the last three weeks and it had not only boosted her confidence in teaching, but her trust in the students and her value in the school.

Slowly, she pulled herself out of bed and absently went about her normal routine, showering and getting dressed. For the first time since she'd returned, she slipped into a business suit and heels, different than the slacks and sensible shoes she'd been wearing.

With a deep breath, she opened the door and almost tripped over the green bear in front of her door. She picked it up slowly, a small smile floating over her face.

_Good luck._

That was all the note aid that was taped to the green clover on the bear's stomach. Placing the bear on her bed, beside Bedtime, and, with calmer butterflies, headed towards the professor's office.

* * *

She'd hoped to catch him before classes and worried she'd missed him when sleepy teens made their way through the halls. Still, she knocked on the professor's door, poking her head in and smiling at her mentor. 

"Can I talk to you, professor?"

"Jean, what can I help you with?"

"I've been thinking about returning to teaching," she said carefully. She felt the surprise from the professor, something that shocked her. Physically, he hid it well.

"What changed your mind?" It didn't surprise her that he knew she'd opposed teaching. After all, he did have substantial power. Still, she knew her shields were strong enough that he hadn't entered her mind to find that she didn't want to teach.

"Rogue." That was all the information Xavier was going to get fro her, mentally or otherwise. She'd been building her shields as much as her control, after all.

"I need my life back, professor."

"And teaching is important to that?" She took a deep breath.

"These kids… they need more than what they're being given. I want to teach them, help them become…" Xavier held up his hand in understanding.

"Are you prepared to teach again?" She felt the now-familiar flare of anger that flooded her system when someone questioned her abilities and resolutely locked it into a corner of her mind. This was the professor, who would never mean anything against her.

"I've been working on my control professor…"

"Jean," he interrupted. "I believe you when you say you haven't changed. I trust you." Jean blushed, realizing her assumption.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

"It is understandable and no harm is done, though I am glad you have not been shying away from your abilities.:" He paused for a moment. "Is it a safe assumption that you would prefer to teach your beloved sciences?" Jean nodded shyly.

"I am sure Scott would be more tan willing to hand them over." Jean resisted the urge to flinch. The professor seemed to miss it.

"Shall we see where your students are?" he didn't give her much of a choice and so she followed him down the halls.

* * *

Scott Summers was indeed at the front of the room and she recognized her own teaching binder on the front table. She took comfort in the fact that he was teaching from her own notes. And he was trying. The students, however, weren't being very helpful. 

"Is the xylem alive Mr Summers?" Jean recognized John from where she stood and closed her eyes, preparing for the worst. When she opened them, Scott was bent over her notes. She knew that particular answer was not in her notes because she'd never needed it. She also knew John was looking for humiliation.

"Mr Summers, you mentioned CSF last week, what is that?" That came from another student, this one recognizable because she'd seen her around the school with Rogue. Jean's brain was in overdrive, the information flooding back to her.

"The medulla oblongata helps with memory, right?" Jean took a deep breath, trying to stop herself from interrupting. Scott looked slightly frazzled from the bombardment. Jean took a careful look around the room and realized that about 25 percent of the students had come to visit her at least once since Rogue had started.

"Anaemia is a form of cancer, right?" Jean had had enough. It wasn't fair to Scott and she was starting to feel slightly used.

"Enough," she ordered, oozing much more calm than she was feeling. John was the first person to react.

"Dr Grey."

"Explain to me how this is fair to Mr Summers?' she asked. The room was deathly silent and part of her wondered if it was in fear. She ruthlessly stomped it down.

"So I'll pose the same questions to you. I xylem alive?" She waited, crossing her arms across her chest. "Well?"

"Its not alive," John said finally. Jean nodded curtly.

"And CSF is?" Her eyes fell on the student who had originally posed the question.

"Cerebrospinal fluid," the student answered sheepishly.

"The medulla oblongata?"

"Helps with balance," they chorused.

"And anaemia?"

"A blood disorder unrelated to cancer."

"So explain to me why you're asking questions that you already know the answers to?" She raised an eyebrow. "Anyone?" John stood up.

"I'm sorry, Dr Grey. We… we figured if we were rally bratty Mr Summers would quit and you'd have to come back to teaching. Its not that we don't trust Mr Summers, but, Dr Grey! You know this stuff better than anyone and we want the best." Valiantly holding in her shock, Jean dropped her arms with a heavy sigh.

"As honoured as I am, there are better ways to go about doing this. You might want to think about that. I want 2 single spaced pages on respect for teachers from the four of you on Monday," she said,

"But Dr Grey, you're…"

"I can make it more," she threatened. John fell silent and Jean spun and left, not even waiting for Xavier.

* * *

She made it to the roof without issue. It gave her time to puzzle out exactly what had just happened in the classroom. 

The students wanted her back.

That threw her for a loop. Part of her was thankful they wanted her back, it would probably ease her transition, but that they wanted to go as far as to embarrass another teacher to get her back absolutely baffled her. She still didn't think it was fair to Scott for them to harass him like they had.

What made her feel worse was that they'd used her knowledge, what she'd taught them, it was like they were trying to turn her against him. She leaned back on the roof, letting the sun warm her skin.

_Jean?_ She hadn't realized her shields were down so low.

_I'm sorry about that, professor_.

_Mr Summers would like to speak with you, but Logan was on his way in when I was exiting_. Jean groaned out loud, not exactly hearing the second half of the conversation.

_I'm not sure that is a good idea, sir. _Jen had allowed her anger to take over when she left the room and really was not prepared to deal rationally with the consequenes of both the class and her outburst.

_Jean, Logan is here._ That caught her attention and she was outside the classroom as fast as he could, not really remembering how she even got there in the first place. She could hear what was going on inside through the door.

"She's been sabotaging the class!" Jean winced at Scott's voice.

"How?" She was lucky she could decipher Logan's low growl.

"Teaching behind my back! How do I know she didn't plan it?"

"So that's it? Jean dies and all of a sudden she can't be trusted?" The anger in the room almost suffocated her and she was on the other side of the door.

"You saw the power in her."

"You idiot." Jean slipped silently into the room. Logan's hands were clenched tightly at his sides. Jean knew Logan had picked up her scent as she raced down the hall. His restraint was because of her.

"I'm an idiot?"

"You're afraid of her. You're actually afraid that Dr Jean Grey could actually do some damage to any one?" Logan was almost laughing. Suddenly, he turned serious and angry again.

"She didn't want to teach," Logan ground out. " She yelled at Rogue when she suggested it."

"She looked ready to do it today." Logan out right growled and jean could almost see every muscle in his body tense, ready to pounce.

"Why am I explaining this to you?" he asked himself. "You know nothing about Jean."

"And you do? You…"

"Spend time with her, listen to her. You wanted to marry her." Jean flinched again. It was still really difficult for her to remember those moments. Scott was silent. Jean took this as the perfect opportunity to intervene.

"Logan," she spoke up. Both men turned to face her.

"Jean." That came from Scott, but Jean's focus was on Logan. She was going to have to deal with one issue at a time. Logan was the current threat.

"Logan," she said again, this time receiving a grunt of acknowledgement. "Stop." She wasn't exactly sure what she was asking him to stop doing. He hadn't attacked Scott and hadn't done anything that would normally warrant an admonishment.

"Logan!" her tone was sharp. He finally locked his eyes on hers and she caught a huge wave of protectiveness that almost had her losing her balance.

_It's not your fight_. She planted the thought in his head with a strength she had had to search for.

_It shouldn't be a fight_, his thoughts screamed. It almost made her smile. With more confidence that Logan was not going to injure anyone, she faced Scott.

"I had nothing to do with what happened in your class," she told him.

"The questions weren't in your notes," he accused.

"You've had my notes, so I couldn't have done anything," she pointed out. "You know this is insane." His face twisted in indigence.

"You're telepathic," he spat. Jean's jaw dropped.

"Excuse me?"

"How am I supposed to believe you…"

"You seriously believe I would influence them like that? What the hell happened to you?" She didn't give him time to respond. Hurt raced through her system as she fled.

_Jean?_ She shut the professor out of her head, having allowed him to monitor the issue through her mind. Doors flew open in frton of her as they had to. She threw herself on her bed and allowed the sobs and tears to overwhelm her.

Something had happened to Scott in the last little while. There was something completely and totally wrong with his reaction to her and his reaction to everything since she'd gotten back. It didn't begin the fact that she'd only recently discovered that she couldn't get into his mind, couldn't understand what he was thinking. Before she totally surrendered to the exhaustion she was feeling because of her tears, she made a mental note to check the mission logs for the results of the last couple of missions Scott had been on.

Then sleep claimed her.

* * *

_**Originally, half of this didn't make any sense, so hopefully when I rewrote it, it makes more sense now. I'm sorry if Scott was a pain. personally, I don't like Scott, but I realized he would probably never actually be that cruel to Jean. I'm sorry that he was most definitely OOC but if things go my way, there will be a reason for it.**_

_**Hope you enjoyed it anyway.**_


	8. Do Your Best

**Do Your Best**

Jean was extremely careful, avoiding absolutely everyone in the mansion. Her only communication was tentative and restricted to Xavier. Their telepathic conversations really revolved around her new teaching position.

She was walking through the halls the Sunday before the day she was to start when she overheard a conversation.

"Professor, are you sure?" Jean stopped dead in the halls.

"Scott, she has done nothing to make us worry about her abilities, in teaching or control." The professor's voice was calm.

"But the children…"

"The kids were the ones that convinced her to come back. They want her." What was Logan doing at this meeting? Was she the only one not involved?

"They're just children," Ororo tried again. Jean could feel Logan's annoyance and importance.

"They will be if we keep treatin' them that way. These kids know more than we give 'em credit for."

"Professor!"

"Jean will teach chemistry and biology as she has in the past," the professor said with finality. "The children are not afraid of her and as her oldest colleagues, you might due well to learn from them." Jean was shocked. The professor, she was pretty sure, had not meant to get involved.

"Professor… I really think…" Jean's concentration was cut off when the door opened and Logan stepped into the hall. She knew he was aware she was standing in the halls. He did, after all, have an impressive sense of smell.

"Jeannie?" he said softly, hoping no one in the office would hear. She hadn't realized tears had flooded her eyes until his thumbs gently brushed away the moisture.

"Walk with me?" she requested softly.

* * *

The grounds were bare and white in the frigid January air, but Jean didn't mind so much. The bite on her cheeks stung sharply and her eyes watered, disguising her tears. 

"Jeannie?" She took a deep breath.

"They really don't trust me, do they?" It was a statement and thus, didn't require an answer from Logan. She tried to scoff, but it got choked on the lump in her throat.

"Thank you for defending me in there," she said as they continued wandering down the snow-covered driveway.

"I shouldn't have to defend you to people who have known you years longer than I have," he pointed out. She shrugged.

"In a twisted, subconscious way, I knew it would happen," she responded. "I mean, it wasn't going to just go back to the way it was. Things were already changing."

"Changing." She rolled her eyes.

"Things began shifting the minute you stepped into the Institute, Logan," she told him candidly. "They had to shift again when you left, then when you came back… Everything shifts."

"So you expected 'em to turn on you?"

"I made my choice in Alberta. I've come to terms with it," she told him honestly. "That doesn't mean everyone understood, For a group of people with a steady routine, the constant changes uprooted most of us."

"Is that how you're justifyin' it, Red?" Jean shrugged.

"It's the only way I can. I can't think of another reason." Suddenly, Logan stopped, gripping her hand so she did the same.

"Jean, there's something you should probably know about your Golden Boy," he said.

"Logan…" It was still a poorly kept secret that Logan and Scott were civil at best.

"Chuck sent us out on a mission to Korea a month after Alkali Lake. We had to split up to be able to conquer the most ground. When Summers came back, something was off. At the time, I figured it was just the pressure but watchin' him avoid you and the way he didn't hesitate to slander you… I smell a rat."

"You think he switched sides?" At that particular moment she trusted Logan much more than she trusted Scott. Logan shrugged.

"We have no proof," he responded.

"And when has that ever stopped you?" Jean teased. They continued their stroll.

"Am I ready to teach?" she asked softly. She felt a flare of annoyance from him and winced.

"If you have to ask yourself all the time, maybe you're not." His brutal honesty was one of the things Jean loved about Logan, even if it hurt her.

"Am I not allowed to be insecure?"

"You chose to go back," he pointed out. "You must've thought you were ready."

"So then I'm not? I'm not allowed to worry that the first time I get angry I'm going to lose control and injure a student? Thanks a lot, Logan." She sped up, belatedly realizing this was their first major fight they'd had. She also realized that it was probably a stupid fight.

"Jean, stop." She did, with a deep breath.

"I don't want to fight with you, Logan," she said curtly. She didn't want to push him away, especially since he was her only real adult contact. He came up beside her, neither of them making eye contact and still looking forward.

"I start tomorrow," she said softly, tucking her hands in her pockets. She tilted her head to the overcast sky, eyes closed.

"First thing?" Both knew the issue hadn't been solved in the slightest.

"Yeah. John's class," she said. Suddenly her eyes shot open, a huge grin on her face.

"It's snowing," she breathed, watching the flakes flutter down over them both. Her face lit up and Logan watched the flakes contrast sharply with her flaming hair. She turned into a little girl as she watched them fall around them. He wasn't really paying attention and so wasn't looking when she grabbed a handful of snow. With a sly grin and quick hands, the snow was in his face and Jean was making a run towards the mansion.

"You are going to get it…"

* * *

The next day, Monday, Jean felt like her life was slipping back to normal. For the first time, she woke to bright sunlight, leaking into the bedroom as it peeked over the trees. 

"Jean?" The knock on the door made her horribly confused.

"Come in." Logan stepped through he door and Jean clamped her sheet to her chest as she sat up.

"Good morning," he said, sitting on the edge of Jean's bed.

"Morning," she responded. "What are you doing here this early?" He shrugged.

"Today's your first day. Thought I'd come, wish you luck." Her eyes lit up.

"Logan…"

"Not a word to anyone," he said gruffly. She chuckled.

"Promise."

"And I have to go away." Why that stung Jean she wasn't sure. The jolt ripped through her heart faster and tougher than she would have liked. She didn't meet his eyes and palyed with the edge of her sheet.

"Why?"

"Cyke and I are headed to pick up a mutant in Vancouver. We're hoping it won't take long." Jean nodded, feeling the jolt rip through her again.

"Try and play nice," she suggested with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"I'll make sure to come back in one piece."

"I can't say I'm all that worried about you," she groused. He tried to catch her gaze, but she wouldn't lift her head.

"Jean?" She took a deep breath.

"Its nothing," she told him. "Just an irrational thing."

"Come on, Red."

"You have a job to do, Logan," she said strongly.

"And…?"

"You have to go." He almost chuckled. Now he understood.

"Would you feel better if I told you I'd check in every day?"

"Don't tease me about it," she scolded. "Its irrational." He pulled her head forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I'll check in when I can," he told her, and she felt her emotions settle a bit. "Let's go to breakfast. We can't have the teacher late to her own class."

"I'm never late," she murmured, grabbing her robe as he dragged her out of the room.

* * *

When she stepped into her classroom, having split from Logan to shower and get ready, the light green bear caught her gaze and she grinned. Apparently, Logan had a bear for her first day of classes too. 

_You don't need him, really, but Do Your Best… doesn't need an explanation. Remember every moment for when I call._

_--Logan_

* * *

He did call. She was looking at the papers written by the 'disrespecting' students in the lab – the only thing resembling her office – when the phone rang. 

"Dr Grey," she answered absently.

"There's a private number for your play room?" Jean couldn't stop the smile from creeping over her face. She half hadn't expected him to call.

"My play room?" The happiness sounded heavy in her voice.

"You going to try and prove its not?" She giggled.

"It won't make a difference," she replied. "How was your flight?"

"Silent."

"No one's dead yet?"

"Yeah, but remember the last word."

"You promised to play nice," she reminded him, abandoning the papers to focus fully on the conversation.

"Tell me about teaching." She sighed wistfully.

"I didn't know I missed it so much," she answered. "It was a thrill to do it again."

"And everything went okay?" She wasn't going to lie to him.

"Most of it. Some of the students are still scared."

"No trouble?"

"Not today," she assured him.

"Good," he said. "Jeannie, I have to go I'll…"

"Thanks, Logan," she said, cutting him off. "Good night."

"Good night," he answered, a smile in his voice. Then she clicked off.

* * *

**_I'm sorry that it's probably ridiculously repetitive, but hey, life goes on. Plus, Logan's probably OOC, though I am justifying it by the X-3 movie SPOILER when he mentions he'd die for her. Hope you're all still there and don't hate me!_**


	9. Harmony

**Harmony**

"You know that this is getting ridiculous, right?" Rogue asked, storming into the lab one afternoon. Though Jean didn't tutor Rogue, they still considered each other friends.

"And 'this' is…?"

"The coldness with you, Ororo and Mr Summers," Rogue fired back promptly. "Even Professor Xavier's friend could feel it." The friend Rogue was referring to was Dr Henry McCoy, a researcher and diplomat that had visited a few weeks prior.

"I know," Jean said.

"You have to admit , Dr Grey, that it seems pretty insane for this to keep happening…" Rogue continued.

"I know, Rogue," Jean tried again.

"How are we supposed to fight like a unit if the role models aren't getting along?"

"Rogue," Jean exclaimed with a laugh, "I understand." Rogue stopped.

"Oh."

"However, its difficult when you don't know exactly why they're not talking to you," the elder pointed out.

"Its also difficult when you don't talk to them," Rogue answered. Jean smiled tiredly.

"I hear Ororo's coming around." Jean's eyes shot open wide.

"Pardon?"

"She asks about you, like she wants to make an effort."

"Rogue…"

"I'm not lying, Dr Grey. You can even ask Logan." Sometimes it was funny for Jean to see the students freak out on her when they got defensive.

"I never believed you were," she replied. "But, though I appreciate you looking out for me, I think it's about time you practiced being a teenager and stopped being such an adult." Rogue blushed and Jean smiled.

"I'm…" Rogue gestured vaguely towards the door before following and leaving.

* * *

Jean found the dark-skinned woman cleaning up after one of her classes. She knocked softly on the door. 

"Storm?" Part of her didn't feel comfortable referring to her as her given name, if only because Jean wasn't exactly sure where they stood.

"Jean." The other woman looked slightly surprised, but thankfully not afraid.

"Can I speak with you?"

"Sure." Jean closed the door behind her.

"Ororo… what happened?" The darker woman looked confused.

"I beg your pardon?"

"What happened to the X-men? I certainly wasn't the glue that held us together, so what made everything go so haywire?"

"This is haywire?"

"Ororo, I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I knew things would be different, but…" Jean shrugged helplessly, unsure of how to finish her sentence.

"A lot happened, Jean," Ororo said slowly, finally. "Xavier, Logan, Bobby, Kurt, Scott… we had a lot to deal with."

"And you all dealt differently, but it's been fourteen months that I've been here and your treatment of me is still chilly at best." She winced when she finished, realizing her tone had sounded much harsher than she's meant and much more accusatory. Ororo sat carefully in her chair behind the desk.

"I don't want something eloquent. I want to know what's going on and how to fix it," Jean said, cutting off the other woman's thoughts. Ororo didn't say anything still, and Jean's patience was wearing thin.

"You guys don't trust me, you don't believe me, you pretty much think I'm a spy and I shouldn't be interacting with anyone! I'm sick of being treated like a leper!" Ororo was shocked at the outburst, even if her face didn't give it away.

"I…" Ororo started, then stopped and sighed.

"Look, Ororo… at this point…"

"No," Ororo interrupted. "Stop." Jean's mouth snapped shut, unprepared for the words.

"You don't need to explain," she sighed. "I'm sorry Jean, I'm done making excuses for myself about the way I treated you. It was wrong." Jean hadn't thought it would be that easy. Apparently Rogue was very right.

"I guess… I guess I just figured that after a year, it was easier to continue believing you were dead than worry about where you'd been," Ororo tried to explain. Jean gently reached out with her mind and found genuine regret and strong truth.

"Too much change," the redhead agreed. "That's how I tried to explain it to Logan once." Jean sensed the shift in Ororo to what she'd always affectionately called 'gossip-mode' and braced herself.

"And how is that going?"

"'Ro, he was the first person to accept me for who I was, can't that be enough?" It surprised Jean how easily they slipped into the roles and relationship they'd developed long before the tension of the last two years. For the moment, she didn't question it. It was enough that Ororo had apologized, Jean was too excited to have another woman her own age to speak with.

"Of course not!" Ororo exclaimed.

"That's it," Jean insisted. "Leave it at that."

"Jean!" But Jean was already half way out the door.

* * *

She knew she still had to talk to Scott, a conversation she was _not_ looking forward to, and one that she was hoping she could still put off. She managed to stall further when she found Logan looking out over the still snow-covered grounds. 

"Hey," she said softly, sitting on the arm of his chair. He glanced up briefly before focusing again on the stark white landscape.

"Hey." She looked at him carefully, already sensing the sadness and dark emotions. The role reversal felt foreign to her, especially between them, but she didn't really mind.

"Are you alright?" she asked, her voice still soft. He grunted.

"Hey…" Her hand settled on his shoulder, hoping it was in comfort. His gaze continued to wander, not necessarily focusing on any one particular thing.

"Trust words both ways, Logan," she pointed out. He sighed.

"It's nothin' Jeannie," he said finally. She groaned loudly and turned away, standing from her seat to move away from him.

"Fine." She knew she sounded childish, but it was endlessly frustrating and slightly hypocritical of him.

"Jean…." She managed to keep herself facing away. She took a deep breath.

"It's been a bad day, that's all," he tried to explain.

"We all have bad days. Talk to me," she begged. She held off on facing him, knowing it would be difficult for her to stay mad at him when she looked at him.

"Its about many different things, darlin' and you're…"

"Stop trying to protect me! Goddamn it Logan!" she yelled, facing him, her hair whipping around with her head and body. "I almost have my life back." He gripped her shoulders.

"The last things I want to do is keep things from you, babe, especially in gettin' your life back, but this had nothin' to do with going back to the way things were."

"I want you to trust me," she whispered. His hands cupped her face delicately, making sure her eyes met and held his.

"I trust you, Jean. With so much more than you know." He left, not giving her time to answer. Jean dropped to the chair Logan had previously occupied. Sometimes she didn't even understand why she bothered.

"Jean?" She jolted and winced. She still had to discuss tings with Scott, but didn't want to do it now. Instead, she took a deep breath.

"What's up?"

"Professor Xavier wants to talk to us," he responded vaguely. She wondered why the professor hadn't contacted her directly until she realized her mental shields were up and fortified. At least, that was the best explanation she could come up with at this point.

"Okay."

* * *

The professor wanted one of them dead. It was the only currently logical explanation as to why he'd decided to put her and Scott on the same mission without a neutral third party. She was so upset, she slammed her bedroom door with enough force to shake her belongings around the room. 

The bear calmed her.

_Scooter told me the two of you were off to save the world. Harmony's supposed to teach how to overcome differences and get along. Maybe this is better suited to him, but you're the one with the increasing collection._

_I'll talk to you when you get home_

_-- Logan_

* * *

"We're going to have to talk at some point," Jean said irritably towards the end of their plane trip. It was amazing how foreign it felt to pilot the plane with him. In fact, now that she looked back, he just felt foreign. He didn't reply. 

"This is stupid," she breathed, turning her full attention back to the plane.

"What is there to say?" His ignorance full out pissed her off, but with control she'd mastered from too much practice, she ruthlessly stomped it down.

"I'm not a contagious disease," she pointed out. "And quite frankly, I'm sick of being treated like one."

"That's not fair."

"That's not fair?" Jean retorted coolly, realizing he was so lucky she was busy piloting the plane, else she would have wrung his neck by this point. "How you've treated me over the last year isn't fair.

"You died." She growled under her breath.

"As in past tense."

"How do we know?"

"I'm sitting here talking to you aren't I? What the hell has gotten into you? Haven't you heart of trust, faith?" Her tightly controlled anger was slipping through her fingers at his self-righteousness.

"These days you're never sure who to trust."

"It's me, Scott. The same Jean." He shook his head

"How do we know?"

"There isn't a test," she ground out, hoping her control could hold out for at least the twenty more minutes it was going to take before they landed.

She needed to talk to Logan.

The thought raced through her head before she could stop it. Sure, they'd had a quasi-fight before she left, but he was really the only person who she'd be able to talk this through with. Scott was being an asshole and she knew it. Logan had an uncanny way of calming her down anyway and with prickles creeping up the back of her neck, she worried about her control.

"Don't you think if I was going to kill someone or ruin something I would have done it by now? You knew my powers were developing before Alkali Lake. You know it wouldn't have been difficult for me to actually go through with a sinister plot." The sole thought of ever harming or attacking any of those at the Xavier Institute home caused goose bumps on her skin in fear and disgust. The idea that Scott thought she could do such a thing made her shiver.

"Did you believe everything would be the same when you came back?" She could hear the condescension in his voice.

"I didn't expect to be ignored, and no, before you say it, I didn't expect hero-worship either. I knew it would take some adjusting." Scott nodded.

"Consider this adjusting."

* * *

The phone number she dialled later that night, having taken a long bath in the hotel and allowing for the water to dissolve the Scott-induced tension, she hadn't dialled in too long. The student who answered thankfully didn't ask any questions. 

"Logan."

"I want to come home." She hadn't even said 'hello', something that tipped Logan to her tortured state of mind.

"You want to come home?" he repeated.

"I didn't think it would be as bad as it was," she protested, furiously wiping at her teary eyes. She'd promised herself she wouldn't cry on the phone.

"Why?" She knew he wanted her to talk it out, but part of her was still angry with him. Instead, she sighed.

"I'm sorry I called," she decided.

"Jean, don't do this," he said gruffly. "Don't let your anger get its claws in you." If there was one thing Logan remembered, it was the way Jean controlled her anger and frustration. She never yelled, never once spoke much louder than her regular speaking voice unless she absolutely had to. As someone who'd lived with anger his whole life, Logan knew the repercussions of its hold and the necessity of dealing with the emotions. He'd done it through Jean for years, until she'd gone.

She knew exactly what he meant. She was angry with him. He knew it. The anger, the overwhelming feeling to rip something to shreds was new in her and it scared her. She wasn't used to the need to be violent, the need to destroy. Her outburst at the mansion, she'd discovered, had shaken belongings throughout the entire hall and the floor above and below her. With a deep breath, she managed to push her anger back again.

"I'm scared," she whispered into the receiver.

"Yeah," he answered. "It's not easy." She smiled slightly into the phone. Sometimes she found herself wondering exactly which one of them was the telepath. His mind, she found, was churning just as violently as hers, though she couldn't get a clear read as to why.

"I had a lot of things to think through," he said finally. "I'm not trying to protect you, Jean. I'm well aware you can take care of yourself. I do trust you."

"Then share," Jean pushed.

"I will," he promised.

"Just not now?"

"Just not now."

"He ignored me for the better part of three hours before essentially picking a fight with me."

"I'm sorry," he responded, more for lack of a response than anything else.

"I shouldn't have come. I'm not ready to do this yet."

"You don't need reassurance," Logan said. "You know you're ready. And plus, Chuck must've needed _you _on this one."

"He's finding another mutant! Ororo could handle it!"

"Chuck knows more than you think."

"He's telepathic," she retorted, her anger starting to chew at the base of her skull again.

"Not the point, Jean," he groused.

"What does he want me to do?" she asked rhetorically. "Figure Scott out? I can't make this work on my own."

"You'll be home before you know it." Jean sighed.

"Thanks Logan.

"Goodnight Red."

* * *

_**Okay, if you all couldn't tell I totally used this chapter to set up what's going to happen in the next few. Don't worry about the Jean/Logan interaction, it's still coming and totally and completely, but there's going to be a few things that have only been touched on by some other stories.**_

_**NOTE:**_

_**There will be mini-X-3 spoilers, HOWEVER, if you're already familiar with the comics, the spoilers really won't affect you. And plus, these you could probably get from the summarization of the movie anyway.**_

_**Thanks!**_


	10. Wish

**Wish**

Winter turned into spring and flowers and plants livened up the mansion with colour. Jean had taken to wandering the grounds in the early morning, when the dew was still sliding off the blades of grass, fog brushing her knees.

Things with Scott had not improved, nor had she really believed they would. Things with Ororo, however, had improved dramatically and Jean was thankful to have the ability to speak to a woman from time to time. Nevertheless, Jean wasn't really prepared to discuss Scott and Logan, essentially her love life. Her non-existent love life.

Actually, if she was honest with herself, she hadn't really made an effort where Scott was concerned. After they successfully returned with a new student in tow, Jean had done a spectacular job of avoiding her ex at all costs. She decided she didn't need the additional stress of trying to fix things with a stubborn and apparently deaf Scott Summers.

_Jean?_ She jumped where she stood, looking at the mansion on her return from her morning stroll. It was the first time Xavier had contacted her telepathically in a long while.

_May I have a word?_

_Professor, if its…_

_No, Jean. It's about you._

Her heart skipped, then started beating triple time in her chest. The professor's chuckle echoed in her mind. _I'd like to discuss your advancements, Jean. That's all._

Slowly her heart rate settled, allowing her to breathe normally.

_I'll be right there, professor._

* * *

Xavier looked as calm as always sitting behind his desk, and Jean vaguely wondered if he actually ever slept. Her thoughts went unheard by her mentor. On her journey back to the mansion and up to the professor's office, she'd discovered breaks in her mental shields and quickly repaired them. 

"You've grown remarkably strong," Xavier said as she took a seat. She preened slightly at the note of pride in his voice.

"How do you mean?" She'd never really thought about it, but knew if she'd been able to effectively lock out the professor from her mind, she'd grown.

"You know exactly what I mean, Jean."

She blushed in apology. "I didn't realize," she told him honestly.

He nodded. "I figured as much. What I don't know…"

"Is where my limits are," she finished for him. This time, the professor, surprisingly, shook his head.

"On the contrary Jean, I know where your limits are," Xavier corrected, voice tinged with regret.

"What?" This was the first Jean had ever heard of any of this.

"When you were a girl, I erected barriers in your mind in an attempt to protect you from yourself," he told her. Jean, though stunned, nodded.

"Your power has no limits, Jean," he told her frankly. "There's nothing you cannot do."

"Alkali Lake took down some of my barriers?"

"That would be why I am so impressed. I am not sure how many of those barriers have been broken, but it would seem they did so in order to save your life."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I am not sure I do either, Jean. What I do know is you've mastered control of the power behind those barriers that has broken free."

"Is it dangerous?"

"Had I not put the barriers in, yes, I do believe it could've been."

"Tell me."

* * *

"I have an alter ego," Jean said to Logan as she sat in front of the living room fire later that night. Regardless of their disagreements over the last two months and Logan's continuing reluctance to talk to her about his moments of depression, they still felt most comfortable around the other. 

"An alter ego?" Logan asked, moving from where he was standing by the window to where she was sitting on the rug in front of the roaring fire.

"When I was a girl, the professor put psychic barriers in my mind to try and keep my power from taking over. It ended up creating an overly emotional alter ego," she explained. "Apparently, she calls herself Phoenix."

"You," he corrected, eyes watching the flames.

"Sorry?"

"You call yourself Phoenix," he elaborated. "An alter ego is still you."

She wrapped one arm around her knees, her other hand drawing random patterns on the carpet in the space between them. "Is that why I've been so emotional?" she asked, more rhetorically than anything else.

"Emotional?"

"Angry, more often than anything. Like I want to rip something apart."

"The professor said Phoenix was over-emotional?" he asked, parroting her own words.

"The exact opposite of Jean," she agreed.

"Maybe it is Phoenix then."

"The bloodlust? The need to destroy?"

"The emotions would include rage, right? Probably more so because you've always been patient."

She blushed prettily.

"Have you ever used it?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

"What?"

"Has it ever taken you over?"

"No, but it's getting hard to keep it down," she confessed. Then she fully realized exactly who she was talking to.

"What's it like?" she whispered.

"The animal?" He asked, looking for clarification. She nodded, knowing he could see it in his peripheral vision.

"Are you sure you want to hear about it?"

Jean sighed in frustration and he chuckled. "Chaotic," he answered.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't have control. You're watchin' yourself do things you'd never do," he clarified.

"Like kill?"

"Like kill," he affirmed. "The animal runs on instinct, guts."

"Fight of flight," she supplied.

"Somethin' like that."

"How do you make it go away?"

He sighed, finally facing her and softly taking the hand drawing random patterns on the carpet. Her gaze locked in their entwined fingers, knowing before he spoke what his answer would be.

"You don't."

Instead of bursting into tears like he'd believed she would, she sighed in resignation.

"Can you tame it?"

"Sometimes you can't control it," he answered vaguely. "Durin' a battle."

"When you're angry?"

Logan nodded. "Or possessive."

That intrigued her far more than she'd have liked. "Possessive?" she questioned.

"Protective."

"You said possessive."

"Both."

She sighed. "If fights," Jean whispered, turning her gaze back to the flames but leaving her hand wrapped in his. He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"It always will." They fell into a comfortable silence, him watching her and she the flames that licked at the walls of the fireplace.

"Should I be worried?" she asked finally. Logan shrugged.

"Careful," re replied. "Anger can be the worst catalyst."

"Great," she said sarcastically. "The one emotion I'm feeling the most often is the most dangerous."

"It's why you should have an anchor," he told her.

"An anchor?"

"Someone or somethin' that doesn't let you drown in the animal."

"You have one?"

"Not until I came here."

"Does that mean I'm…" He didn't need to answer for her to know she had come to the right conclusion. It was the first time she met his gaze and he allowed himself to get lost in their green depths. She was his anchor.

"Come here," he said, opening his arms to her. Instead, she leaned to the side, resting her head on Logan's outstretched thighs. His fingers started combing through her hair, massaging her scalp lightly.

He'd changed around her, she realized. He was still gruff and cocky around the majority of the mansion, still as much of a bastard around Scott, but around her, he could almost be sweet. She valued his insight, his experience, and she knew he valued her calming presence. Rogue had been right when she'd mentioned he was different around her.

_Bad things always happen to good people_.

The thought rocketed through her head and it took her a minute to realize the thought had not come from her, but from him. She glanced up, but his eyes were focused on the window. With a deep breath, she closed her eyes and carefully concentrated on his mind.

_Thank you._ She poured her adoration and gratitude into those two words in his head. He smiled, but didn't face her. Before Jean knew it, she was asleep.

* * *

She hummed to herself a week later for the first time in the past two months. Even marking had her smiling as she circled and checked with her red marker. The professor's confession had turned her life upside down. Her conversation with Logan had started to right it again. 

She tipped her head back, taking a short break with a grin on her face. She'd been on an emotional roller coaster as Phoenix battled with Jean. Her emotions ping-ponged between angry, depressed and elated faster than a cheetah went from 0 to 60.

Suddenly a huge wave of anger and protectiveness swept over her and she realized she'd allowed herself to relax and her mind to wander. As it invariably did lately, it had roamed to Logan. With a very quick survey of the mansion and surroundings, she found Logan and Scott on the front grounds. A gasp escaped her lips as she shot up from her chair and raced out.

Students had gathered on the front stoop, an event that had Jean both fearful and angry. She carefully pushed her way to the front, hoping upon hope that no one had been injured yet. Rogue and Bobby, standing near the front, caught her before she got much farther.

"I'm not sure you want to go further, Dr Grey," Rogue said quietly. Jean looked from Rogue to Bobby in confusion, battling back frustration and anger at the two men.

"What?"

"What _have_ you been doing with her alone, Logan?" Jean knew Scott's voice and stiffened. They were seriously having another fight about her? Over her? And what the hell did Scott think he was implying!

"What does it matter to you, Scooter? 's not like you've been treatin' her well." She wasn't paying attention to how her anger was growing, nor how the students surrounding her were carefully beginning to take steps backwards. Logan had his claws out, ready to attack if necessary and Scott had one hand on his sunglasses.

"She came back screwed up," Scott emphasised. Things around her, mostly inanimate objects, began to float and Jean realized too late that Phoenix was seconds away from making an appearance.

"She came back confused," she vaguely heard Logan correct.

"A perfect opportunity for you," Scott retorted, sarcasm soaking every word. Her anger was mixing with a sudden protectiveness that she was sure was creating a volatile combination.

"You implyin' I'm takin' advantage of her?" Logan growled.

"She knows you're going to support her, she knows you're in love with her. What's to say she's not taking advantage of you?" The next thing anyone knew, Scott was twenty feet away in a bush and Logan hadn't moved. His eyes immediately locked onto hers, widening as he took in the darkened eyes and pale, veiny skin. Ignoring Scott, where most of the others had raced in a mixture of worry and slight fear, he moved towards her.

"Jean!" he called over the wind that was picking up. For a second, her veins retracted into her skin and Jean surfaced with a gasp.

"Logan!"

"Focus," he yelled to her, finally reaching her and placing his hands on her cheeks, trying to get her to focus on him as Jean, not Phoenix.

"I… can't…" she breathed.

He shook her slightly. "Yes you can. You are strong enough to fight this," he told her, his eyes flicking back and forth between hers. "Focus on Jean."

"I'm trying," she responded. He read the truth of her words through the tears in her eyes.

"Think about Jean, memories of Jean."

"Logan…"

"Focus on me," he begged. "Tell me what you remember."

"Treating you in the lab after Magneto tried to mutate the World Summit," she said, breathing hard. "The day you came back, getting Kurt from Boston with Ororo…"

"That's good Red, keep going," he encouraged. Her eyes were slowly turning back to their regular green colour and he felt hope uncurl in his chest.

"The forest," she continued, "the battle…" Her chest was heaving with the effort of forcing the Phoenix back under control. His hands still gripped her cheeks, his complete focus on her.

"Name your bears," he ordered."

"Cheer, Bedtime…" she continued on, the objects slowly floating down to the ground as Jean gained complete control again. Finally, she sagged against him as she won against Phoenix. Immediately, Jean burst into body-shaking sobs. He supported her against his chest, shushing her softly.

"You're okay," he whispered. Her hands curled into his t-shirt as she buried her head in the junction of his neck and shoulder. She was blabbering incoherently as her tears soaked the collar of his shirt. Rogue, Bobby and John approached slowly, only speeding up when Logan nodded.

"He'll be fine. A few cracked ribs is probably the worst he's got," Rogue said quietly.

"The kids?" Logan asked, hoping Jean wasn't listening.

"Truthfully, a little shaken up," Bobby answered, and he meant it. It seemed the students weren't as fearful of Jean as the three elders had believed they'd be. Logan had been sure he'd hear 'terrified'. Logan nodded against Jean's head.

"Find the professor and stay there. I'm going to get Jean upstairs and I'll meet you there to talk to Xavier."

"And Mr Summers?" Logan shrugged, still angry at the other man's audacity.

"Get him inside, just don't take him to her lab." They, thankfully didn't ask questions and Logan easily lifted Jean into his arms to take her inside.

* * *

"She's asleep," Logan assured the professor when he entered the panelled office. Rogue, Bobby and John were all present – as witnesses and three of the most senior members of the school Logan felt they should be – as well as Ororo, the professor and Dr Henry McCoy. 

"What happened?" Xavier asked, as his gazed zeroed in on Logan. The latter growled slightly at the implication, but explained.

"My fault, professor," he grumbled. "Summers and I got into a spat."

"Over Jean?"

"He doesn't trust she's really Jean." What Logan wasn't saying was the actual implications about Jean that had been made through their fight. If the professor didn't already know them, he didn't need to hear them.

"And he is entitled to his own opinion, is he not?" Xavier questioned.

"Not when he starts verbally attacking her," Logan pointed out.

"She wasn't even there to defend herself, Professor," Rogue piped up. "I don't think that's really fair."

"How did Jean get involved?" This came from an obviously worried Ororo.

"I don't think any of us are really sure," Bobby volunteered. "Rogue and I were watching them one minute then she was tugging on my sleeve and pointing back to Dr Grey." The professor was nodding with the story.

"And then?"

"Scott's words must've set her off. I was ready to claw at him, then he was twenty feet away," Logan supplied.

"Things just started to float," John added. "Since Dr Grey is the only one with that power, we assumed it was her." Logan took a deep breath.

"It wasn't Jean per se," he said carefully, not sure how much the professor had told the people in the room. The professor nodded in understanding.

"Thank you," he said softly and they all started walking to the doors. "Logan, a word."

Logan hung back, closing the door once everyone had left.

"You met Phoenix." It was a statement.

"So what?" Xavier smiled at Logan's immediate defensiveness.

"You also helped Jean to resurface."

Logan sighed. "With all due respect, Chuck, can we get to the point?" he asked, knowing exactly where Xavier was going.

"I told Jean a lot yesterday," the professor began.

"She told me about Phoenix," Logan filled in. Xavier nodded.

"I'd wondered if she'd confide in you about it."

"She knows I battle a beast every day, why wouldn't she?"

"The barriers were necessary."

"For a while, yeah," Logan agreed. "But we both know Phoenix and Wolverine are two peas in a pod. You can't hold 'em forever."

Xavier sighed. "It was for her own good."

"When she was a girl. You might've done more harm than good to her now."

"Logan…"

"Yeah, Chuck, I'm criticizing a choice you made, but before you rip into me, let me outline somethin' for you. She's confused, has been since the day she set foot back on the grounds of this mansion. The people she thought she could trust abandoned in her in a place where she was supposed to feel safe. Then she hears that she has no limits to the growth of her power and she could be a danger to everyone around her. In my opinion, you made a mistake when you didn't let her slowly take control of her power on her own."

"It could have killed her," Xavier pointed out. "Phoenix does not have a conscience."

"It could've killed more people today," Logan replied. It didn't take a genius to understand his implication. If Jean had already mastered control over the vast majority of her abilities, the events of what had grown to encompass an hour would not have occurred. Logan turned on his heel, stopping suddenly with his hand on the doorknob.

"I learned restraint a much easier way than she will. I chose to control the animal and learned out of necessity through experience. She's goin' to be forced to learn it from betrayal."

* * *

He bumped into Rogue in the hall on his way to check on Jean. 

"Hi Logan," she said softly, holding an aqua coloured bear. He recognized it and his eyes widened.

"I know they're usually your thing, but John started a card before we went to the office… we wanted to give it to her." Logan nodded and began down the hall again. Rogue followed. Logan knocked softly on Jean's door, opening it slightly when he caught a whiff of salty tears.

"Jeannie?" he called softly again, well aware she was awake. "Everything's fine."

"It's not," she sniffled. "I screwed up, Logan."

Logan and Rogue exchanged worried glances, though Rogue's morphed into a small understanding smile. She handed over the bear, the card and another piece of paper before turning and heading back the way they'd come.

"I screwed up."

He winced at her words and entered the room setting his armful down on the bed. "I talked to Chuck, Red. Well, actually, I gave 'im a little bit of a lecture that might have been slightly harsher than it needed to be." That earned a small, if watery, giggle.

"Roll over and see what the kids gave you," he urged. She shook her head into the pillow but he wouldn't leave her alone.

"You'll like it." Slowly, she turned to face him. He held out the bear and the card. She took both objects tentatively. When she was sure she understood exactly what they represented, he handed over the letter. She didn't get very far before tears were welling in her eyes.

_Dr Grey,_

_This is Wish Bear. Technically, she's supposed to help with granting wishes but instead of telling you to make a wish, I made one of my own and I'm hoping her time with you will help that wish come true._

_I wish for you to see yourself like others see you, like Logan and I see you. We don't look at you and see chaos or danger, but compassion and endless unconditional caring._

_To your students you're just Dr Grey, regardless of what may have just happened. You're a teacher to all of us and one that we've worked hard to get back. Most of your students have faith in you. We trusted you, Dr Grey, and as much as you might not believe it, we still do._

_Love, Rogue_

Jean could feel the tears leaking out of her eyes to spill down her cheeks as she finished reading. They would never fully understand what these gestures meant to her.

"How are you holdin' up?" Logan asked softly, startling her slightly.

"What happened?" There were bits and pieces of what had transpired that she didn't remember.

"Scooter's got broken ribs at worst. You tossed him into a bush. The professor might be slightly upset, but that's probably my fault over yours. And you saw what the students thought," he answered.

Jean sighed. "That's it?"

"Nothing was destroyed and we got you back," he promised. "You'll be okay."

_Or at least, I hope so.

* * *

_

**PLEASE READ:**

**Hokey, first of all, this is the longest chapter EVER! I was excited when I was writing it.**

**Second of all, I do truly believe, especially after seeing X3 that Logan was extremely upset with Xavier's decision to keep Jean's power locked in her mind. I do think Logan has more insights than a lot of us think and thus, that he wasn't as OOC as usual.**

**Thirdly, PLEASE REMEMBER Scott is OOC and that's because I greatly dislike him. I apologize to his fans, but I have a really difficult time with his very boy-nextdoor persona.**

**Forthly, this is NOT the last you will be seeing of Phoenix. We will address that, I promise, just not in the next couple of chapters. I want to get back to a few of my fluffy roots before writing too much more of the deep stuff.**

**Fifthly, the student response is going to be unbelievable, I know that, but I didn't want to have to deal with terrified students AGAIN! Let's just pretend that they saw the anger directed at Scott and how Logan got her under control and believed she was okay, Okay? Great!**

**Hope you enjoyed this!**


	11. Champ

**Champ**

Jean was extremely relived that the school had not reverted back to they way they'd acted upon her original return. Instead, most of the students had been remarkably supportive, as if they'd already known about her alter ego.

On her part, Jean worked during her preps and through her Saturday mornings on gaining more and more control over her mutation. Sue, she was never angry and therefore had infinitely more control, but it was the practice she craved.

The downside was the resulting exhaustion.

She napped through Saturday afternoons and rarely stayed up past nine during the week. Sundays she marked and prepared. It was a self-imposed isolation. She didn't eat meals with anyone and the most contact she had with people was through her classes.

Logan, however, still haunted her thoughts.

It was a highly amusing cat-and-mouse game, really, pitting Jean's telepathy against Logan's enhanced sense of smell. She knew when he was coming and he knew when she was running. For Jean, the worst part came when she could feel his hurt.

In all honesty, she was surprised at how acutely she heard his thoughts these days, his emotions overwhelming hers sometimes. It had never happened before and there was no solid reason for it to happen now either. However, she eventually figured he'd given up on her.

Therefore, it was almost a surprise to find a new Care Bear on her desk one morning in June.

_Champ's real message is sportsmanship, but that just doesn't seem to fit for you. I know you've been working hard on that control so let's say Champ is for overcoming fears and embracing who you are, the good and the bad._

_Logan_

* * *

Jean sat on the roof that night, in her favourite pair of pyjama shorts and a t-shirt, up late for the first night in a long time. She hadn't practiced at all that day and found she wasn't all that concerned about it. When Logan ventured up to her place, for the first time she didn't move. 

"Evenin' Red," he said carefully.

"Hi Logan," she responded softly, not looking at him. They sat in silence for a while, comfortable to be in one another's presence for a while after being so long without.

"Seen Phoenix lately?" Logan asked finally.

Jean smiled. "Not since I started exercising," she answered truthfully.

"Progress."

She nodded. "Yeah."

"You don't sound enthusiastic."

Jean shrugged. "I don't know what to think," she began and Logan could smell fear in her blood. "Yeah, I'm excited about not seeing Phoenix, but I have questions too. Not to mention the fact that my isolation means that I haven't been exposed to outside stresses. What happens when I stop avoiding everyone and try to go back?"

"You're afraid of Phoenix popping out again."

"Of course I am."

"But we got her under control the first time."

"But I don't want there to be a 'next time'," Jean protested. Logan didn't respond.

"I'm sorry," she said after a while, her gaze out on the darkened grounds.

"I get it," he waved her off, but she knew and could feel his lack of understanding.

"I didn't want to risk seeing other people because I was tired and cranky," she tried to explain.

"You're terrified of it," he growled softly.

"Shouldn't I be?"

"Jeannie, Phoenix is part of you. Its like bein' afraid of who you are."

"Are you?" she asked, her tortured and pain-filled gaze finally meeting his.

"Not as much as I could be," he revealed.

"Why?" The question came out frustrated and harsh.

"I can't hate myself forever." They dropped into silence again. She shuddered as his thoughts jumbled with hers and his presence calmed and relaxed her mind and body.

"Cold?" he inquired softly.

"I can hear you think," she whispered in answer.

"What?" He unconsciously moved his body away from her slightly.

"It's how I've been avoiding you," she told him. "I can hear you louder than anyone else." She sensed his confusion and fear, but also his curiosity.

"How?"

She shrugged. "I don't know any better than you."

"Have you talked to the professor about it?"

She sighed in heavy frustration. "Why does everyone insist I go to Xavier?"

"Hey," he tried to soothe, "I didn't mean it like that."

"I'm sorry," she said, dropping her face into her knees.

"A lot of us don't understand your telepathy, just like we are around another mutant's power in general. The professor on the other hand…"

"I don't know if I've forgiven him… If I can forgive him."

He raised an eyebrow. "You're angry?"

"Don't I have the right to be?" Then after a heartbeat, "I don't know."

"Is it worth locking him out for?"

Suddenly, Jean smiled. "When did you become all insightful?"

Logan shrugged, not really sure himself. His speech to the professor about Jean's abilities, his conversation with her about alter egos and animals and now this… It surprised him as much as it did her.

"It's nice," she whispered, her eyes focused across the grounds again.

"Yeah well…" He shrugged again, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. She giggled quietly.

"Did I make the great Wolverine blush?" she asked rhetorically, a real smile stretching her lips as she turned her head to him. Giving into the urge, he gently ran the back of his hand over her cheek. Her eyes brightened with the touch, reflecting the moonlight. He leaned towards her and for a second, she thought he was going to kiss her. Instead, his cheek brushed against hers.

"We'll keep it our secret," he whispered, his hot breath caressing her ear and fanning down her neck. She closed her eyes and suppressed a shiver. It was the first honest-to-God move he'd made since she got back. He pulled away from her, lying on his back and looking up at the stars.

"I missed you," she admitted finally. "This past while, I mean."

"Then tell me, why the avoidance tactics?"

"It seems stupid," she warned. "I didn't want people continuously harassing me about how I was doing or feeling."

"How many times were you alone?" he pointed out without malice.

She smiled softly. "I know you wanted to talk, Logan, but I wasn't sure I was ready." She could feel his confusion as clear as a sunny day. What she said hadn't made sense, but she really didn't want to clarify it.

"I didn't train today," she confided. "I couldn't."

"A lotta negatives've found their way into your vocabulary, you know," he countered. The comment had come from left field and Jean's brow knit in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Can't, won't, couldn't, wouldn't," he listed off. "There weren't many of those before."

"I found the world has limits," she shot sullenly.

He shrugged. "Helluva role reversal we've got goin' on here too, Red."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Look at us. Here I am bein' brotherly, nice with all the confidante stuff and you don't know which way's up and which way's down."

"Logan…" she growled.

"You're lost, Jean, confused, like I was three years ago. I've found home." For a reason she couldn't pinpoint, especially with her churning brain, hope uncurled in her heart.

"Home?"

Logan shrugged. "Seems like it. Can't find it in me to leave this place."

"It's special," she agreed.

"Never thought I'd bee thankin' Scooter, you know, but he 'n Storm are the reasons I'm here."

"But why did you stay?"

He met her gaze squarely, his hand under her chin. "You know why I stayed."

"But you stayed after I was gone," she pointed out smartly.

"Rogue was still here. Someone had to keep an eye on her." A smile blossomed over Jean's face, a genuine smile that warmed her insides as much as his. Suddenly, her mouth opened in a wide yawn. She slapped her hand over it in embarrassment.

"I think we should head in," he suggested, standing and offering his hand. She took the offering and he pulled her up. They made their way inside as quietly as possible, saying a brief good night before heading to their own rooms.

* * *

Jean bolted awake later that night from one of the worst nightmares of her life. It was as clear as crystal in her mind, as if it had actually occurred and she couldn't stop it. 

She'd killed Logan.

Tears sprang to her eyes as she leapt from her bed and raced through the corridors to Logan's door. Her rational mind was screaming at her to get her act together and go back to bed.

_I want to make sure he's alive_.

She opened the door as quietly as she could, for his neighbours more so than for Logan. He slept lightly and shot up as his senses caught wind of her.

"Jeannie?" he whispered.

"Yeah," she replied softly. She moved inside and closed the door but leaned against the hard support of the wood.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nightmare," she responded with ease. "Just wanted to make sure it wasn't real." He nodded but neither of them made a move to alter where they were situated.

"Did you want to talk about it?" Logan asked finally, shifting so he could lean against his bed's headboard. He saw her eyes close, his having adjusted to the darkness quickly, and could smell the salt of the tears. Still, she didn't move. Finally, she shook her head.

"It was just a dream. It wasn't real." It sounded like she was trying to convince herself just as much as him. He sighed.

"Come here," he encouraged, patting the spot beside him on the mattress. She hesitated, but gave in, climbing in to sit beside him. He arranged her stiff body against his until they both shared the same pillow, his arms attempting to brush the tension from her back.

"Who did you kill?" Jean shot upright at his whispered words, staring down at him with surprised and terrified eyes.

"What?"

"You're nightmare," he clarified, his eyes shining in understanding.

"Logan, I don't want to talk about it," she said stubbornly, moving to get out of the bed.

"The first time is the worst," he told her softly. She was surprised by the vulnerability in his voice for a few minutes. It had stopped her cold where she sat, facing away from him.

"The first time?"

"The first time the nightmares come, when you can't figure out if they're real or not," he answered. It dawned on her that he'd probably experienced the same thing.

"Do they go away?" she asked, after a thoughtful silence.

"For a while," he said honestly. "Sometimes they come back."

"Worse?"

He shrugged. "Eventually, that blurred line between your dream and reality starts to get clearer and the dreams don't scare you as much."

"Is that a polite way of saying I'll get used to it?" she asked, and he could hear the slight amusement in her voice.

"Probably," he admitted, but he knew her pulse had settled and the fear he'd been able to smell on her when she first entered his room had faded.

"Logan," she said finally.

"Jean."

She took a deep breath, preparing herself. "Can I stay here with you?"

"Of course."

"Will you hold me?" she whispered, settling beside him. His arms immediately curled around her body, pulling her snugly against the hard wall of his chest. Logan was sure she'd drifted off the next time she spoke.

"You," she breathed and the fear was back in her voice.

"Pardon?"

She swallowed. "I killed you." He pulled her face into his neck and she grabbed the edges of the white undershirt he was wearing. Finally, she let herself go, sobbing until she thought she'd choke. Eventually, since the adrenaline had worn off and she cried herself out, she drifted off to sleep, feeling safe in Logan's arms.

* * *

_**Okay, I'm sure in the original version, I had an author's note here explaining away the unexplanable, but I don't remember what it was and I deleted the original before uploading this one, so I have no clue what it was. Quite obviously, it wasn't that important. I found typos in the original I wanted to correct before posting it...**_

_**I'm hoping to have the next chapter up by the end of the week, give or take. Probably Sunday at the latest I'm hoping.**_

_**8 chapters left.**_


	12. Laugh a Lot

**Laugh-A-Lot**

Jean leaned back against the lounge chair she was occupying, closing her eyes against the bright rays of the sun. August had proved to be a month of deadly heat and brutal humidity. She and Ororo had spent most of their days by the pool. It wasn't an old part of the mansion but a recent addition at the request of the students and Jean couldn't be more thankful.

"You'd think Mother Nature would take a hint," Ororo commented, turning to her redheaded companion. With the brutality of the weather, Ororo had been forced to make sure it rained at some point. Jean smiled.

"Wouldn't that make your life easier?" she asked, stretching languidly. Rogue, Bobby, Kitty and Peter were in the pool, laughing, splashing and goofing off like regular teens.

"Logan!" Rogue shouted suddenly. "Come swim with us."

Jean cracked open an eye to find Logan, and more surprisingly Scott, making their way around the edge of the pool. She found her eyes drawn to Logan, his chest bare and sweaty from what she assumed was training.

"In a minute," he told the teen, making his way around the final corner to where she and Ororo lounged. Jean resisted the urge to shiver at the wave of heat that flooded her mind as Logan's eyes took her in. She'd opted for her lighter-coloured bikini instead of her favourite black one to ward off some of the sweltering heat. Her baby blue suit, the one she currently wore, was skimpier than the black one and definitely less used because of it. Where her black one had large strips of fabric, this one had strings, both sets of the top currently tied behind her back instead of her neck and back as they were made.

"Ladies," he said smoothly and Jean lifted her sunglasses, perching them atop her head. She'd left her hair down, regardless of the way it stuck to the back of her neck, and knew from Logan's mind it spilled beautifully over the white cushions of her chair.

"Gentlemen," Ororo responded.

_I forgot how beautiful she is._

Jean almost jumped for two reasons: 1) the lack of effort it had taken to slide into someone else's mind without fully being aware of it and 2) the words had been thought by Scott.

"Jean?" Ororo looked concerned. Jean smiled.

"It's nothing," she decided. "Just surprised me."

"What did?" Ororo asked, not convinced.

"It's nothing," she repeated, shaking her head. "Don't worry." As she met Logan's eyes she knew she was going to be questioned about it later.

"Logan! Are you coming?" Rogue called out again, poised on the diving board with her hands pressed to her hips.

"In a minute," he called back, his eyes – an interesting mix of appreciation and worry – not leaving Jean. Scott, on the other hand, had already dropped his things on the other side of Ororo.

"Hang on to these," Logan requested softly, lifting her feet to deposit his towel under them. Jean nodded in agreement, replacing her sunglasses and settling back again. Seconds later she heard, and felt, Logan cannonball into the water. She gasped as the droplets hit her skin.

"Logan!" she and Ororo shouted at the same time. He popped up with a mischievous grin on his face. Jean rolled her eyes behind her glasses.

"That was childish," she called to him, the smile tugging at the corner of her lips giving away her amusement.

"What else did you expect?" she vaguely heard Scott mumble. Jean held back a snarl but noticed Ororo take a swing, her expression telling him to behave. The jealousy she felt from Scott when Logan shot her a devilish grin gave her a hope of normalcy. Maybe there was a relationship to repair with Scott, even if it wasn't a romantic one.

Her sun was blocked a few minutes later and she groaned, looking up at Logan. She'd just started to doze off too…

"Come swimming," he requested. The playfulness rolled off him as he threatened to drop water on her. Just in case, she tied the neck strings of her bathing suit securely where they were supposed to be, careful not to catch her hair in the knot.

"Why?" she finally responded. Logan rolled his eyes.

"Do you need a reason? The day is boiling hot and the water's nice and cool," he answered.

"And we're a few people short for a good Marco Polo game," Kitty called. Jean heard Ororo groan softly from beside her and knew she was just as happy to be roped into the whole thing as Jean was.

"Can't it wait?" Jean whined. "I was just about to have a nap."

Logan didn't reply. Instead, he slipped one arm under her back, the other under her knees and lifted her off the chair. Jean squealed in protest, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"If you throw me in, you're coming with me," she warned. Logan chuckled.

"Red, I'm already wet." With that, he jumped into the pool. She pushed away from him when they were submerged, breaking the surface sputtering.

"Logan!" she exclaimed, splashing water at him when he surfaced. He laughed, splashing back at her. Jean was faster and ducked under the water. Logan splashed Rogue as a result.

"Hey!" the teen exclaimed indignantly, just as Jean popped out from under the water. Logan looked slightly shocked and Jean giggled, splashing more water at him. He mock glared seconds before lunging at her.

"You're going to get it," he growled as she squealed and kicked her legs towards him. The forced kicked water at him, giving her a curtain to use to get away. Logan countered by reaching under the water and gripping one of her ankles. With a yelp she was pulled under and towards him, his hands climbing up her leg until he had her pressed against him.

Then he full out dunked her.

This time, she came up indignant, but he was already striking out towards the deep end of the pool. She and Rogue exchanged glances, the latter slightly peeved she hadn't received an apology for Logan's earlier splashing, and headed after him. Didn't they always say two heads were better than one anyway?

Logan was treading water in the deep end with a satisfied smirk on his face. Jean stopped, Rogue stopping beside her in curiosity. Jean had sprouted her own smug grin. They stayed in that stare down, Rogue looking on in curiosity.

Then Logan's head plunged under the water.

Rogue looked confused and stunned for a moment before she noticed the smug look on Jean's face. The laughter bubbled up from her throat before she was fully aware of it and spilled out of her mouth. Logan re-emerged, looking more like a drowned dog than a human.

They started as suppressed chuckles when Jean heard Rogue's laughter and intensified into giggles when she looked at him. BY the time he got over the shock and understood exactly what had happened, Jean's chuckles-turned-giggles had morphed into a full out laughing fit. Then his shock was for a completely different reason.

Logan was never one for clichéd phrases, never really one for sentimentality, but the feelings that swept through him at her laughter couldn't be described any other way. The sound was literally music to his ears since he hadn't heard her laugh like that in a long time. The normalcy hit him in a wave of water from Bobby's cannonball.

"That wasn't fair," he called to her, watching her laughter die down. Jean shrugged unsympathetically, sticking her tongue out at him.

"You never said anything about not using my teke," she pointed out smartly. "And you started it." He had to give her that. He started towards her again and she instinctively moved back, not quite trusting him not to attack her.

"This is true, but you take all of the fun out of it when you use the mind stuff." The smile she graced him with was mind-blowing.

"I think it evens out the playing field," she retorted. "Your brute strength against my mental abilities." He lunged at her, but she managed to evade him, her laughter bubbling up again. Only half-heartedly attacking her – most of his mind was singularly focused on committing this moment to memory in case it never happened again – he realized he wanted to remember this moment forever.

Just in case.

* * *

Jean sat beside Logan on the roof later that night, her head pillowed on his shoulder. How it had turned from her spot to their spot she wasn't quite sure, but she wasn't upset by it. Instead she enjoyed the ability to share something like this with another person. Especially, it seemed, if that person was Logan. 

He'd been secretive when he climbed up behind her, surprising her with pillows and a light sheet to cover themselves. She'd forgone her pillow almost immediately in favour of his seemingly more comfortable shoulder. Suddenly, Logan moved and she dropped her head to the pillow with a disgruntled groan. She furrowed her brow but didn't open her eyes when she felt something walking across her stomach.

"Open your eyes, Jeannie," he requested. She blinked them open, catching the colour orange and pausing to take in the detail of what she assumed was her newest Care Bear. Finally, she took the bear from his hands, looking at him curiously.

"Laugh-a-Lot," he answered her unasked question, watching her trace her fingers over the laughing sun on the bear's belly. He watched her with the bear, a rare fondness slipping into his gaze. Understanding blossomed in her gaze.

"Today."

Logan nodded. "She's supposed to help people laugh," he agreed. She smiled shyly, stretching out muscles she hadn't realized were sore. It was a good sore, she decided, stemming from an afternoon spent in the sun and frolicking in the pool. The exhaustion she felt was contented.

"Today was nice," she said, her eyes still not meeting his. He settled down beside her again, her head almost immediately coming to rest on his shoulder. Her hand, the bear tucked under her upper arm, settled on his chest, just above his heart and he was suddenly struck with how intimate they must look. Again, he reared in his attraction. He'd made a promise to himself not to burden her with his feelings for her until he was sure she was settled back in the mansion, back into her life, and as close to the Jean she'd been before Alkali Lake as possible.

"It was," he agreed. "But you were unfair."

She snorted. "You started it."

"Are we going to do this again?" They'd had the same argument on and off all afternoon, especially when she used her telepathic and telekinetic abilities to dunk him more than once.

Again, she snorted, the humour of the situation hitting her. "You started it," she repeated, a devilish smile flitting across her face. He groaned, realizing his mistake. The hand that had been trailing her spine over her t-shirt stopped slowly and she looked up at him.

"What is it?"

"At the pool, when you jumped," he told her and she knew what he was asking.

"Can't we leave it alone?"

Logan shook his head. "I want to know what had you shaken up."

"I'm not in danger, Logan, nor is anyone else here. Can't that be enough?"

"It disturbed you, Jean. That's reason for it not to be enough."

"A lot of things disturb me," she answered defensively. "Spiders, for one, snakes, ghost stories…"

"You're afraid of ghost stories?"

She nodded. "Long story."

"That's not the point," he said. As much as he enjoyed listening to Jean's fears, getting even that little insight into her life, he was more concerned with her jitters from the afternoon. She seemed, however, to be a bit lost in her thoughts.

"Death, destruction, the disgusting human rights in most of the third world countries…" she continued. "My parents."

"What?" If she's admitted that to change the subject, she'd picked a good one, but he was sure the pain that floated over her face when she realized what she said was real and accidental.

"Sorry."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shrugged. "The usual intolerance story. My dad thought I was sick."

He winced. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was one of the main reasons I got to come here and meet everyone, have the life I had."

"Have," he corrected.

"It's not the same anymore, Logan. Things have changed."

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," he told her, words that had become one of his favourite sayings when things got tough. She smiled slightly.

"Good on paper, hard in practice," she responded, her gaze dropping back to the bear.

"You'll pull through, Jean. You've always been strong."

"It's been a lot," she admitted. "Dealing with the fear, then the teaching, then Ororo and the professor… and that doesn't include Scott and that drama."

"You'll make it," he assured her again.

"How can you be so calm, so sure about it?"

"They call it faith. It's something I picked up here after a while. A lot of faith and hope in this place."

"A lot of family," she agreed.

"We are a family," he told her. "Families, I found out, are supposed to be unconditional."

"Again with the insight," she exclaimed, though the happiness and pride in her voice gave away her real feelings.

"Yeah well, maybe it's just you."

"Better someone than no one at all, right?"

"Exactly."

* * *

_**I had to rewrite the last part cuz I didn't like it, but this chapter and I eventually found a compromise that suited us both. **_

_**Can you believe I aimed for 1000 words a chapter? Heh, mighta overdone that a bit... not that you guys particularly care!**_

_**Thanks to everyone that's reviewed. For a section with so many unfinished stories and few stories in total, I'm really awed that you guys love this one so much. With no exams and school done I should have tonnes of time to finish this, along with the four other stories I'm writing (I know, I'm nuts. Can you believe I actually keep all of the storylines straight?). **_

**_I'm having a really hard time writing the next chapter though, so it might be longer than expected before I get it up. For now, I'm going to post this one, but make sure you're aware that it could be another week, if not 2 before I've untangled my writer's block enough to come up with an idea for the next bear..._**


	13. Funshine

**Funshine**

The week had been utter and pure hell. It seemed her days had taken on a rather routine quality. She woke up, ate breakfast, wandered the grounds… and had circle conversations with Scott that left her with an overwhelming urge to yank her hair out. They talked about the same things, argued about his unyielding stubbornness and her inescapable changes until she swore her voice was gone. Still, she didn't understand him, nor had she made him understand.

Logan, as usual, hadn't tried to make her talk about it, only tried to calm her down out of her frustration and new-found anal-retentive tendencies. In fact, it got to the point where she decided to totally revamp her curriculum for the students. Jean knew Logan had resisted the urge to roll his eyes when she told him and had frowned, but went about it nonetheless.

Rogue, Kitty and even Logan had tried to get her to sit by the pool again, or come down to the game room for a little bit to have some fun, but Jean was adamant and worried about her anger and frustration triggering Phoenix around people who had done nothing.

Then Logan gave her Funshine.

Funshine was the newest addition to her ever-growing collection of Care Bears. He was yellow, sporting a smiling sun on his stomach and coming with a message that was hard to miss. In case she didn't get it, Logan had provided her with a note.

_It's okay to have fun every once in a while._

She knew he'd been joking with the note, but had sighed anyway, knowing he was also telling the truth. She vowed to herself that the next time someone gave her the opportunity to go out, she'd take it.

* * *

"Hey Jean?" Ororo poked her head into the lab where Jean was shuffling around her curriculum for the coming year. 

"We're going on a picnic," the dark woman stated.

"A picnic? Who? Or more importantly where?" Jean answered.

"Central Park," Ororo supplied. "A summer's end picnic.

"That almost sounds depressing," Jean pointed out, nevertheless neatly piling her papers away on her desk. Ororo shrugged.

"Only for you pessimists. For the rest of us, it just marks the beginning of fall."

"And thus, makes you an optimist?" Jean teased, meeting her colleague and friend at the door. Ororo stuck her tongue out childishly.

"We leave in twenty minutes."

* * *

Resting with her back against a large oak tree watching the more energetic attendees play a game resembling touch football, Jean couldn't stop the happiness that flowed through her veins. The clichéd phrase home is where the heart is had never been so true to her. A smile stretched across her face, distracting her from the book open in her lap. 

"Jean?" She looked up in surprise at Scott's ruby-coloured glasses and groaned internally.

"Scott, I don't want to argue with you here," she told him frankly. Regardless, he sat beside her, leaning his head against the bark.

"I don't want to fight with you any more, Jean," he answered.

"Then what _do_ you want?" Jean's patience had been running horribly thin around him. She wasn't sure exactly what she was willing to deal with.

"I want to talk, like regular adults," he replied.

"I've been trying to do that, Scott! You shut me out." The frustration in her voice was tangible and quick to surface.

"Don't get angry." Jean shook her head, dog-earing her page and closing the book. He grabbed the hem of her t-shirt to stop her as she stood.

"I'm sorry, I just…" She sat down, trying to be the better person.

"I've been trying to—"

"I know, Jean." Scott breathed in deep. "Your death tore me apart."

"So, and I'm not trying to sound conceited, but why such a cold shoulder when I got back? I was alive again and you still acted like I didn't exist," she pointed out.

"It was too good to be true," he retorted defensively.

"That usually wears off," she said calmly. "Our first mission… I'd been back over a year and you still all but said you couldn't trust me." He looked away, turning his head.

"You live this life, you know how dangerous it can be to blindly trust. You, for all we knew, could've been Mystique." Though plausible, part of her was still angry and hurt.

"You're the one who _still_ doesn't believe me," she told him, closing her eyes against the pain the words surfaced. Her heart ached when she thought about it, the idea that he had cast her aside, believing she was something she wasn't.

"You loved me."

That was, after all, the heart of the matter. What they'd fought about, their circle conversations, all boiled down to those three small words, words that still had her wincing.

"Why were you so suspicious?" All she wanted was to know, to understand.

"They tried to manipulate me."

That caught her attention. "Who?"

Scott shrugged. "I'm not even sure myself. You were there and they tried…"

"Korea? That mission you went on with Logan?"

"You know about it?"

"Logan mentioned it in passing," Jean waved it off. "They used me?"

"You were alive and you were on their side," Scott said. Jean's heart broke in places at the desolate tone in his voice.

_The hero is the one that stays_, her mind told her ruthlessly, reminding her of the changes in her own heart.

"You believed that? You seriously believed, after everything I've done, everything we've done and been through, that I'd change sides?"

"They convinced me that you'd come back, that you'd switched sides. You said things… things only you know." Her mind was racing but with a quick cursory foray into his mind showed his complete belief of what he was saying.

"Why are you telling me this?" He looked surprised at the question.

"I missed you," he said finally. "Holding you, talking to you…" His hand brushed against her arm and she pulled away, standing.

"Don't, Scott," she begged. "You can't just say these things and… and think everything's going to turn around and be like it was. Things have changed."

"I still love you," he protested. She shook her head with a sad smile.

"I don't love you."

* * *

Logan found Jean as the sun was setting and everyone was packing up the picnic stuff, looking down at the mosaic _imagine_ by Strawberry Fields. 

"We're going to head back," he said softly, resting a hand on her shoulder. She nodded, still absently starting at the word.

"Jean?"

"I used to imagine how everything would go back to normal. I used to wish for it," she spoke. "Now I'm not so sure."

"Change happens, you told me that," he responded trailing his hand down her arm to twine his fingers with hers. She allowed it, her fingertips brushing against the skin between his knuckles, where his claws were.

"Does it always confuse us?" she asked rhetorically, referring to the ever-present 'change'. She looked around slowly, taking in everything around her as if it was the last time she was going to see it, before tugging on his hand to start them moving. He stopped them at the edge of where they'd spent the better part of the afternoon.

"Change is what you make of it," he finally answered her earlier question. She smiled, stepping onto the bottom step of the plane.

"Thanks for reminding me.

* * *

She'd told him the truth with those words. She'd forgotten how important it was to adapt and change. She also had insight into the reason why Logan kept a lot of things from her. Her reaction to Scott's words was complete confusion over her feelings and she suspected whatever Logan was hiding could do the same thing. 

In fact, she was pretty sure of it.

"What had your panties in a twist yesterday?" She'd been too wrapped up in her thoughts, not really looking at the endless grounds from where she stood on the balcony, to notice him approaching. Jean wrapped her arms around her body, twisting her torso to face him.

"Nothing," she replied with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"That wasn't nothin' darlin'," he countered.

"I talked with Scott, Logan. That's it."

"He drove you nuts again." It was a statement.

"Not in the traditional sense," she defended.

"I figured as much. You aren't frustrated or angry, like usual."

It tugged on her heartstrings to hear he watched her. "How do you know me so well?"

"Practice," he replied swiftly and her heart swelled with and indescribable and indecipherable feeling. "You just seem sad."

Jean shrugged. "I guess I shouldn't have been surprised."

He stood beside her, though she'd turned back to the grounds and wouldn't look at him. "At what?"

She winced slightly. He had an uncanny way of digging things out of her without trying. She hadn't meant to get into her conversation with Scott. Not with Logan.

If there was one thing Jean was sure of it was that she wasn't in love with Scott anymore. She still loved him, of course, and always would, but her heartrate didn't speed up when he came close or when she saw him. Flying with him was odd and she found she couldn't connect with him anymore.

Not like she could with Logan.

And that was a completely different and almost more complicated can of worms. He'd stuck by her side, the words she'd spoken to Logan and thought during her talk with Scott slipping into her mind. The hero _did_ stay and although Logan had run to Alkali Lake, he'd come back. Though he'd been a wanderer, he hadn't been much of one after their battle in Canada, if the grapevine was any indication. And hadn't she told him, in not so many words, that he was her hero?

"Talk to me." Logan's voice broke through her fog and she smiled, meeting his eyes for a split second.

"I told myself I wouldn't," she said. "You're biased anyway."

"This is killing you. Talk to me."

"Scott still loves me," she whispered, looking at her toes.

"You're a hard woman to forget," Logan responded candidly. "Was it surprisin'?"

She shrugged. "Of course it was. After the way he treated me, the last thing I expected was a declaration of love.

"You still love him."

"In a way, yes. But not the way he wants me to." She waited a beat. "Korea threw him off."

"What?"

"Apparently someone in Korea convinced him I was alive and evil," she tried to explain.

"And you believe it?"

"_He_ believes it. You can shield your thoughts but you can't fake them."

"So that's it then?"

Jean could hear the disappointment in his voice. "So what's it?"

"You forgive him and go back and rebuild your relationship."

"Did you not hear me the first time?" Jean asked in return. "I don't love him like he wants me to anymore. A rebuilt relationship would mean a friendship, nothing more." She felt relief from him and his her amusement.

"He doesn't trust me," she said after a few minutes, remembering those few seconds in Scott's mind. "He's… he's afraid of me."

"Of you? Patient, calm, rational Jean Grey?"

"He experienced Phoenix too, don't forget," she reminded him bluntly. "And it was directed towards him."

"Accidentally. You were angry."

"And he's worried about the next time I get upset with him," she replied.

"You guys fought?" Logan asked in genuine surprise. He'd never witnessed it. They seemed like the perfect 'it' couple of the mansion.

"Don't, Logan," Jean snapped. "Every relationship has its ups and downs."

"Rogue once told me lasting love should be unconditional, for who you are and that's it."

"She's smart," Jean said.

"Yeah, she is," Logan acknowledged.

"Thank you, Logan."

"For what?"

"Sticking by me, no matter what has happened." She faced him with a twinkle in her eye. "Your support has been unconditional." With that she turned and re-entered the mansion. Logan sighed.

He'd been busted.

* * *

**_Heh, so the first time I wrote this, I forgot to put in the bear... GAH! I almost threw a hissy fit! Still, I'm slightly disappointed with the shortness of this chapter... Not even 2000 words like they usually are. sigh Oh well... I might have to make up for it with the next one._**

**_Anyway, here's the newest installment and I hope you enjoyed it. The next one isn't as hard to write and is actually flowing out of my fingers pretty easily so it should be up soon! 6 to go!_**


	14. Daydream

**Daydream**

_Jean lifted her face to the warm ocean breeze, smelling the salt on the air._

"_Jean." She looked up, following the strong arm that held the glass of iced tea in front of her. She shifted on the lounge chair._

"_Thanks Logan." Her left hand reached for the offered glass, her ring finger glinting gold and sparkling in the sun. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers quickly. _

"_You know, I never thought I'd be in Mexico for my honeymoon," Jean said, closing her eyes against the sun._

"_I never thought I'd be getting married, and definitely not to you," he countered. She smiled, reaching out to take his hand…_

"Dr Grey?" Jean jumped, looking at the student who had called her name and the paper she held out.

"Sorry, Vanessa," Jean responded, taking the test from the student's hand. "Thank you."

It wasn't the first time in the last little while Jean had stopped paying attention and floated off, nor, she found, was it the first time Logan had been a star in them. This latest one, however, was the first that involved marriage.

"Okay," Jean interrupted the scribbling students. "Time's up. Hand in your tests and go outside. It could be one of your last nice days before winter." It took ten minutes for that to finish and for all of the complete and incomplete tests to be sitting on the edge of her desk. She piled them together neatly and looked up when her mind prickled. The same man she'd 'married' was standing at the door.

"Hey," she said softly, affectionately.

"It's the second month of school and you're already testing them?"

She laughed and he pushed off the doorframe, striding towards her between rows of desks. "So I'm cruel," she said to him, watching. Their relationship had most definitely shifted and Jean found she was restraining herself from all but jumping him.

"This may be true," he admitted, supporting his body on his hands on her desk. She removed her glasses, setting them in front of her.

"What's up?"

"Lunch."

She furrowed her brow in confusion. "I just ate breakfast."

"Yeah."

"I can't take lunch now. I have to teach."

He chuckled. "Find me at lunch."

"Don't I always?" It was true. There were few meals the two of them were not seen together.

"Smartass," he quipped, ignoring the students from her second period class as they filtered into the room. She, however, didn't.

"I'll find you in a few hours," she promised. "My class is here."

He glanced back at the students. "Good," he said, giving her a grin that would have weakened her knees had she not been sitting down. She watched him leave with a small smile. Then, picking up the second set of tests she faced the students.

"Alright, you have the full period…"

* * *

_Her back hit the wall with substantial force, her head impacting the wall with enough strength to make her see stars. Of course, it could have been the lips and teeth creeping down her neck…_

"_Logan…" she moaned, her hands tangling in his hair. He growled, nipping sharply where her neck and shoulder met. She gasped, involuntarily pushing her body against his._

"_God," she gasped, her hands drifting down his shirt. His avoided all fastenings as a claw withdrew and slid down her shirt. His hands batted the fabric away, leaving her in her dark blue bra. Her fingers yanked insistently at the hem of his shirt until he let her go long enough to whip it off._

_His mouth streaked down her neck and she threw her head back against the wall again and again…_

Until her eyes snapped open and she realized the pounding wasn't her head hitting the wall at all, but a knock at her door.

"Dr Grey?" Jean was out of bed and at the door in an instant, wrapping her robe around her and pulling the sash tightly. Kitty stood awkwardly on the other side, wringing her hands.

"I…I know I'm not supposed to be out of bed… I just…"

"Kitty," Jean said gently, trying to calm the nervous girl down and get information from her. "It's okay. What's wrong?"

"It's Wolverine," she said and Jean's heart and stomach switched places.

"What about Logan?"

"I was heading down to the kitchen because I was thirsty," Kitty explained. "I passed his room and started hearing noises so I poked my head in, literally. I… I think he's having a nightmare. One of the ones Rogue was talking about."

"Rogue told you about Logan's nightmares?" Jean asked, even as she stepped out of her room and into the halls.

"Just vaguely," Kitty defended.

"Okay, you need to head back to bed. Thank you for coming to get me." Kitty scampered off in the opposite direction as Jean headed off towards Logan's room. She opened the door and stood for a moment, analyzing what exactly was going on. Logan was tossing and turning violently. With a worried furrow of her brow, she prodded Logan's mind until he woke up.

"Jean?" he asked groggily, his nose picking up her scent.

"Yeah."

"You're here?"

She tentatively stepped closer. "Kitty came and got me."

He flopped back against he pillows and Jean cracked a window. The room felt like a sauna. She sat gingerly on the end of his bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, reaching out for his hand. He tugged until she was right beside him. She allowed his head to drop to her lap where her fingers brushed through his sweaty locks. She took that as a no.

Then her mind flashed to her own dream and running her fingers through his hair. She needed a break.

"Hey," she said. "Go get yourself cleaned up. I'll change the sheets." He didn't say a word, but did as she suggested. For her part, Jean made quick work of the dam sheets and even called on Bedtime, bringing him telekinetically from her bedroom to his. She then moved to the open window, allowing the nippy October air to calm her heated skin.

She heard the bathroom door open seconds before his room was plunged into darkness. Then Logan did something she'd never seen him do with anyone. His arms wrapped possessively around her hips and stomach as he pulled her against him, her clothed back coming into contact with his still naked chest. His chin dropped to her shoulder and he sunk. They stayed that way for a while, partially because she was still too shocked to move, until she spoke.

"Can I look?" Her gut was telling her that whatever had left him with the nightmare a) he wasn't going to tell her and b) it went deeper than she was aware of.

"No." The last thing he wanted her to see was her death at his hands.

_She was standing on a pile of rubble on an island in the San Diego harbour. He knew that by the Golden Gate Bridge that stretched from the edge of the island to the mainland. Magneto had moved it in order to transport his army from the mainland to the island for some good old-fashioned destruction. Water created a sheet all around the island and Phoenix, the dominating personality at the moment, had already destroyed most of the slower people and less sturdy structures._

_People raced away from the violence and chaos that surrounded them. Storm had already gathered all of their side into the Blackbird, but Logan wouldn't leave others to clean up this chaos. Not when she was in the middle of it._

"_Jean!" he called, trying to get her attention, trying to get her to focus away from the anger that had transformed her. Damn the military! If they'd been five minutes later this wouldn't have happened._

"_Logan," she gasped, Jean surfacing for a split second before Phoenix took over again. "What are you doing? You'd die for them?" Logan looked down at the skin being ripped from his adamantium bones only to grow back again a split second later. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was pretty sure he was going to have to do._

"_No," he said in confused disbelief, his brows knitting in the pain of his decision. "For you. I'd die for you. I love you."_

_Jean surfaced again. "Logan… save me."_

_Screwing up his courage and blocking out the idea of what he was about to do, he plunged his claws into her stomach. She hitched and gasped, collapsing against him._

_Dead._

Jean knew he hadn't realized that his thoughts had bled into hers and thus that she had just watched him replay his dream. It was something she never wanted him to do and vowed to herself to practice keeping a tighter reign on her emotions. She sensed that he'd calmed as she stroked gently across his top arm where it wound around her. Her other arm pressed on his lower one, holding him to her.

"Come on," she said softly, hiding a yawn. "Bedtime." Still, he didn't let go and she ended up walking the few feet to the bed with Logan still wrapped around her.

"I'm staying, Logan," Jean assured him, "but you have to lay down." She assumed he'd let her go for a few minutes. Instead, he simply turned them around and rolled onto the bed, taking her with him. She squealed in surprise but settled almost instantly.

"Good night, Jeannie," he finally spoke, nuzzling against the back of her neck. She smiled, though he didn't see it since she was facing away from him.

"Good night."

* * *

Jean awoke slowly the next morning, turning into the body at her back and snuggling in deep. Her pillow chuckled and she swatted at Logan's chest as she gazed up at his amused eyes. 

"Shut up," she groused, the seriousness of the comment lost in the grin that accompanied it. She could get used to waking up like this.

"I didn't say anything," he responded. "Good morning to you too." With a groan she lifted herself up, one hand braced on his chest. She looked at his clock, congratulating her internal alarm.

"I have to go get ready. Lunch by the fountain today?"

"Sure," he agreed as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "You cooking?"

"Okay," she replied, bending back over to brush a kiss to his cheek. "I'll see you at lunch."

It wasn't until she was in the shower that she realized what had happened and how deliciously domestic the moment had been.

* * *

She wandered out to the fountain during lunch, thankful that the crisp October air had yet to turn to the uncomfortable November chill. She'd managed to beat Logan and sat on the stone edge, bringing the cup of soup she'd decided on for the noontime meal in between her bare hands to keep the cup warm and to warm her fingers. The Thermos she brought she set at her feet. She noticed him approaching and couldn't stop the happy smile from creeping over her face, not only from seeing him, but also catching sight of the object under his arm. 

"Hey," she greeted when he was within earshot.

"Hey," he replied, dropping his own affectionate kiss to her cheek, one that had her blushing since his lips had lingered just a little longer than necessary. He sat beside her and she presented him with the Thermos.

"Vegetable?" he inquired, sniffing at the contents of her cup.

"For you," she affirmed, glancing down at her own chicken noodle. "Homemade, with extra steak."

The first time she'd made the soup Bobby had been sick with a nasty cold and Jean had instructed Rogue to take him the bowl of soup and some medication. Logan had been her test subject. His only complaint had been the distinct lack of red meat.

"Mmm…" came the response. She sipped at her own cup, returning it to warming her hands.

"How was your morning?" she asked after a minute.

"Uneventful," he told her. "Yours?"

"Couldn't concentrate," she replied, leaning her arms on her thighs and looking at the mansion.

"Reason?"

She shrugged. "I have no clue."

That was a flat out lie. Her mind had been replaying her kiss to his cheek and she'd been distracted in imagining going further than that. She'd never been so happy to be considered and expert since her mind had not been on that morning's lessons. They'd made small talk until they finished and Jean had set both the cup and the Thermos by her feet.

"Red, what are we doing?"

"Huh?"

"Lunches, the time we spend together, the chit-chats… what are we doing?"

"Being friends?" she tried, still confused as to what he was getting at. This insecure Logan surprised her and she was sure it showed in her face.

"You know as well as I do that it's more than that Jean. Hell, you've probably known for a while."

"You didn't want to discuss it with me," she pointed out.

"Because I didn't want to add somethin' else to your muddled brain," he defended.

"What changed?"

"You've started clearing a lot of things up and took control of your life. You're not as confused anymore."

"Logan," she pleaded softly. "Do we have to do this now?" Her mind had flashed back to the puzzlement of the days after Scott's revelation in Central Park and she really didn't want to have to start avoiding Logan again. Not when she'd realized how much she adored having him around.

"When then, Jeannie?" he questioned in frustration. Jean winced.

"I'm not ready to get into this, Logan," she said her voice still soft. "I'm not sure I'm ready to give you what you want. I need time."

With a long exhalation of air the fight whooshed out of Logan and she dropped beside her again. Jean kept her eyes on her hands. After a while, Logan sighed and stood, taking one of her hands to pull her with him.

"We _will_ have this conversation," he told her, conviction heavy in his voice, "but I'll wait. You know how I feel, Jean. You're worth it."

"Logan…" He pressed two fingers to her lips to stem any protests or other words. He picked up the bear and held it between his hands for a few moments. Then he met her eyes.

"Good things come to those who wait," he said softly, his body inches from hers. He pushed the bear into her hands, pressed a quick – much too short if she was honest with herself – kiss to her lips, turned and walked away. Jean was too stunned to call for him to stop until he was gone.

She looked down at the periwinkle bear, her index finger tracing the heart-shaped planet on its stomach. Her lips tingled with his kiss and her mind was speeding in wonder. A small note was taped to the bear's back.

_It's okay to dream. Everyone does._

_Daydream (the bear) & Logan_

She grinned at the uncharacteristic sign off before re-reading the message that accompanied it. Dreaming… she'd been doing a lot of that lately, of her and Logan and the possibility of having a life and a deeper relationship with him. Was that what he'd been getting at? The goofy smile was still splayed across her face, though she hadn't realized it.

The sudden overwhelming wave of jealousy snapped her back to the present.

Scott had watched the whole thing.

* * *

Above Jean, looking down on the grounds Scott watched her jump and winced. Still, his mind was made up and one thing Scott Summers could honestly say was that he was determined. He'd show her, remind her, of what they'd had and how stupid it was for her to throw it all away for the instability that would inevitably be a relationship with Logan. 

With new resolve he stepped away from the window, plans already forming in his head.

* * *

**_Tee hee hee! This one totally rivals Wish for my favourite chapter to write! I had a little bit of fun with this one, in case you hadn't noticed, and heated it up a bit. _**

**_Yes, for those who are going to ask, I totally stole Logan's dream from X-3. Congrats to those who recognized it, though I'm pretty sure I butchered the actual lines. Oh well, life will move on, right?_**

**_The person who writes my 85th review gets a dedication! You guys have been so great with reviews that I'm not sure that goal is totally unattainable. Mind you, 80 would make my day too... I was honestly surprised to see that you guys are enjoying this as much as you are. It means a lot more than you know that you guys love it so much you're reviewing like mad people! Thanks a ton (or tonne if you're Canadian!)!_**


	15. Surprise

**Alrighty, there's a small issue of me having too many reviews (WAAAY over the 85 I'd aimed for) As a result, this is going to be a multiple dedication chapter. So:**

**This chapter is dedicated with all of my heart to the following reviewers:**

**simbagirl (95th reviewer)**

**Dark Phoenix Force (90th reviewer)**

**Hi I'm Cold (85th reviewer)**

**Liz (for an awesome review and for wishing I'd worked on the X3 script... it would have been different, that's for sure)**

**and**

**Covered Clouds (for reviewing every chapter and always having something awesome to say)**

**You guys have been so awesome. To think, There's a good chance of breaking the 100 reviews with this! **

**

* * *

**

**Surprise**

October changed to November and November slipped into December and before Jean was fully aware, it was Christmas. Christmas was, without a doubt, her favourite time of year.

Logan and Scott had both stopped trying to push a relationship with her and when December first rolled around her spirits skyrocketed. She, Ororo, Rogue and Kitty had decorated the entire mansion with red, green and white, garlands, pine, holly and mistletoe. Traditions sparked up that Jean always adored.

"Pass the flour," Kitty asked. Rogue did as asked, kneading the dough in front of her. All four women were scattered about the kitchen on the first day of winter holidays with various cookie recipes and ingredients, icing and cookie cutters. They'd decided to make a day of Christmas cookies.

"Jean? How old is this book?" Ororo asked with a laugh as she flipped through one of the open books on the counter. The redhead laughed as she continued decorating one of the completed batches of shortbread. Another decorated batch of gingerbread men sat at her elbow.

"I was looking through it the other day, trying to pick out which books would be easiest to use and I could remember making most of those as a kid," she replied, setting aside a cookie to let the icing dry.

"You guys made these?" Kitty asked in surprise. Both elder women laughed again.

"Every year," Ororo replied. "It was one of the few things that made it like home."

Jean nodded in agreement. "And every year, like clockwork, Scott used to come in and snatch a cookie," Jean remembered.

"Tried," Ororo corrected. "Jean always slapped his hand." Rogue and Kitty burst out laughing at Jean's blush.

"Smells good in here," Bobby commented, stepping into the kitchen.

"We're baking Christmas cookies," Rogue filled him in as he stepped up beside her.

"And don't you dare take any of that dough," Jean scolded, her back turned. Kitty giggled as she broke her dough into balls for the cookie sheet. Bobby blushed.

"Sorry Dr Grey," he apologized. Their next guest wasn't as apologetic.

"Cookies," Logan said appreciatively, grabbing for a cookie. As she used to do with Scott, Jean slapped Logan's hand. Unlike Scott, however, Logan fought back. Jean laughed as he pushed a hip into hers and grabbed her wrists in one hand, leaving his other to snatch a cookie and pop it into his mouth. The others watched in amusement as Logan let her go and Jean retaliated by drawing a line of icing down his nose. By that time, even Bobby, who was still a little scared of Logan, was laughing.

"You just couldn't wait, could you?" she asked, amusement colouring her annoyance.

"They smelled good," he defended. "And taste even better."

"Great Logan, compliment after you steal it," Ororo shot at him.

"I wouldn't know how it tasted if I didn't get one, now would I?" Logan responded.

"True," Bobby agreed. Jean rolled her eyes as Rogue tossed a handful of flour at him. Before Ororo or Jean could step in, Bobby had retaliated by grabbing his own handful of flour and rubbing it in Rogue's hair. Jean and Ororo winced.

"Bobby!" Rogue exclaimed.

"Who tossed flour on the floor?" Scott stood in the doorway and Jean winced. Scott had been sour over the last few weeks, snapping at everything.

"They're goofing off, Scott," she tried.

"Now there's a mess on the floor."

"It's one spot. We've had worse," she pointed out.

"Clean it up." He left, in his wake a much more sombre group. Jean, irritated beyond belief, quickly wiped her hands on a nearby towel and untied her apron, shoving it a Logan.

"Scott," she called, the other man turning. "Can I have a word?" She telekinetically opened a door just down the hall from him. She was sick of his attitude.

"What is wrong with you?" she spat, closing the door with her mind. "It's Christmas! We used to have flour fights in the kitchen all the time."

"Times are different."

"All the more reason to have fun," she returned. "We have to do something."

"We have other things to focus on…"

"They're teens, Scott," she said, her voice softening. "They can't be serious all the time."

"We need to focus."

"Scott, Christmas is my favourite time of year," she begged, knowing she was playing him. "Can we have fun until New Year's?"

"Jean…"

"If something comes up, we'll change," she promised. Then she reached a hand out and took his.

"Come decorate with us," she implored, pulling him out the door. Kitty was just passing by.

"There you are Dr Grey," she said. "Rogue and I put the last two batches in the oven and cleaned up the floor."

"Thanks Kitty."

"Um… Dr Grey? You know how you've been telling us about Christmas tradition?" the teenager asked nervously. Jean arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah."

Kitty pointed up. "Does it extent to mistletoe?"

Jean blinked, resisting the urge to groan at her own stupidity and looked up. Sure enough, the white berries and green leaves were hanging there. The worst part was that she could remember hanging that particular bunch.

"Jean its…" Scott started.

"Tradition," she interrupted, facing him. She kissed him quickly, or that was the goal. Scott's hand crept up to the back of her head, holding her to him. For Jean, it was familiar and her mind drifted back to how it had been. Finally, he let her go and Jean stumbled back.

"I…" she stuttered out before scampering off. She rushed into the kitchen, picking up her discarded apron and the icing.

"Jean?" Ororo asked, confused as to the redheads 180 in attitude. Jean looked up and Ororo could see the storm of confusion in her eyes. Without thinking twice, Ororo shooed Logan, Bobby and Rogue out, telling them she and Jean could easily finish on their own.

"They're gone."

"Mistletoe," Jean said, setting down the utensils she was working with.

"Okay…"

"Remember we hung some over the library doors?" Ororo nodded.

"I didn't until Kitty reminded me."

"You got caught under the mistletoe with Scott." Jean turned to face her friend, leaning back against the counter and folding her arms across her chest.

"It was so familiar," the redhead confided. "So normal."

Ororo's eyes widened. "It was one of those."

"I'm sure it was supposed to be," Jean admitted. "The spark isn't there, 'Ro."

"Then what's the problem?"

"He thinks it is."

* * *

Over the next few days Jean made a conscious effort not to stand under any mistletoe. It had worked and she'd settled down. In fact, as she sat between Logan and Hank McCoy on Christmas Eve, watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas – another holiday tradition – Jean found herself truly happy. 

One by one people trickled off to bed as they watched Christmas special after Christmas special until only she and Logan were left. She glanced around quickly, even checking with her mind that no one was around before stopping A Charlie Brown Christmas with her mind and replacing the tape with a different one.

"Its my Christmas guilty pleasure," she admitted as the opening credits flashed across the screen.

"Scrooged?" Jean blushed, curling her legs beside her and leaning her weight onto Logan's body.

"Its funny," she told him. "I've watched it every year, after everyone's in bed."

"I'm not in bed," he pointed out, wrapping an arm comfortably around her shoulders to accommodate her weight.

"You're special," she said easily. "Plus, I'm sure you'll appreciate this type of humour."

He did enjoy the movie and the company even more so. Seeing Jean as excited as she'd been over the last couple of weeks had almost made him a fan of Christmas.

When the movie was over, Jean mentally clicked off the TV and started rewinding the tape simultaneously, bringing a small wrapped gift towards the. She blushed as she plucked the gift out of the air.

"I know it's Christmas Eve, but I wanted to give this to you when it was just us," she explained. "Merry Christmas."

"Jeannie, you didn't have to," he said, reverently flipping the gift over in his hands. She smiled softly.

"Just open it," she requested, watching with bated breath as he pulled the paper off, then opened the box that contained the actual gift.

"Jean," he said softly, looking down at he rectangular object and it's contents. The picture frame was stunning in its simplicity, silver-coloured and holding a picture of Logan and Rogue in the leaves.

"That's this past fall," she told him. "Neither of you knew I was taking the picture."

Both he and Rogue were laughing as leaves floated around them. He remembered that day, a beautiful, crisp fall afternoon where he, Jean and some of the kids were out in the leaves. He and Rogue had gotten into a leaf war and started throwing leaves at each other.

Logan was speechless.

"There's more," Jean said softly, gesturing to the box. Logan withdrew another frame, identical to the first one except for the picture.

"Christmas last year," he said, looking at the faces in the picture. She nodded. Everyone was in the picture that had stayed for the holidays that year.

"It was the only one I could find of everyone," she admitted, tracing her finger over the corner of the frame.

"Jean…"

"There's one more," she interrupted, watching and nervously fidgeting with her hands as Logan lifted out the last frame.

This one was her personal favourite of the lot and the one that had the potential of holding the most sentimental value. It was also the only one of her and Logan.

It was from their picnic in Central Park. Ororo had taken the picture after they had all eaten and were stuffed full. Logan was reclined back against a tree, Jean between his legs and his arms wrapped snugly around her. Both of them were wearing wide grins, Jean with one hand on his cheek and Logan's chin on her shoulder.

"Do you like them?" Jean asked tentatively.

"I love them," he responded, voice gruff with emotion. She smiled and sagged in relief.

"I'm glad," she said, voice quiet and affectionate.

"Thank you," he grunted, trying to reign in the emotion that was roaring through him. She kissed his cheek.

"You're more than welcome," she responded. "Now you'll always remember this place if you leave."

"No one's ever done this," he told her, being brutally honest. She shrugged.

"I was worried it was going to be too sentimental."

Logan shook his head, looking down at the picture he still held, absently picking her hand up and brushing a bunch of soft kisses to the back of it. Then he stood, retrieving a bright bag from under the tree.

"This is the first part of yours," he said, presenting the bag to her. "You can't open the card until after presents tomorrow."

"After presents? And which card?" She'd withdrawn two envelopes, one pink and the other forest green.

"The green one," he said. "Open the bag."

Inside was a new Care Bear, purple in colour. Jean giggled at the picture on its stomach: a star-shaped Jack-in-the-box, before opening the card.

_Always enjoy the unexpected_, the card said and Jean looked up at Logan in confusion. Logan smiled cryptically, tapping her nose.

"You'll see tomorrow. Surprise is just a preparation," he promised. Jean tried the puppy dog eyes, but he wouldn't budge.

They walked up to bed together and stopped at Jean's room first, since it was the first one they came across.

"Good night, Logan," she whispered, Surprise clutched in her hand. Logan's eyes darted about and then above her door and she almost winced, remembering how that one particular Christmas tradition had been placed everywhere they could think of.

"Its tradition," he whispered, taking a step closer to her.

"Yeah," she agreed, licking her dry lips.

"We can't defy tradition," he told her, stepping so she had to look up at him.

"Of course not," she breathed against his lips. She ended up closing the last centimetres between them, pressing her mouth to his.

Jean's mind exploded. Scott's kiss had been familiar, but Logan's was unrestrained and she could feel the tingles from head to toe. His arms wrapped around her waist and lower back, pulling her flush against his body. Her arms wound around his neck at the same moment his tongue probed the seam of her lips. She eagerly opened her mouth to him, whimpering the second his tongue touched hers.

It took all his restraint to pull away.

"Sweet dreams, Jeannie," he whispered, a hair's breadth from her mouth. Then he was gone, leaving Jean happily dazed outside her door. She looked down at the bear she'd dropped.

"That certainly was unexpected," she said to herself. She looked up at the mistletoe, her mind flashing back to the kiss.

"Sweet dreams my ass," she muttered, an affectionate smile breaking over her lips. "Bastard."

* * *

The next morning, Jean was awoken early by a pounding on her door. However, it was with a broad smile that she followed Kitty and Rogue down the hall to the living room where the large tree was situated. Jean couldn't stop the blush that swept over her face when they stopped to get Logan. 

"Who's Santa?" Rogue asked excitedly, almost jumping. The other students that had stayed, mainly seniors since the professor had taken a majority of the younger students on a holiday retreat, were already gathered about the room.

"Scott?" Ororo suggested, glancing at the brown-haired man seated in one of the armchairs. He'd done it every year for as long as both Jean and Ororo could remember.

"Yeah," Kitty exclaimed. "Come on, Mr Summers!" Bobby entered then, carrying the cookies they hadn't eaten and a red and white Santa had. The latter he presented to Scott with a flourish and Christmas began.

It was hours later that all of the gifts had been opened and the teens wandered off to find food, leaving Ororo, Scott Jean and Logan behind to pick up the discarded packaging and ribbon.

However, before they got to cleaning up, another tradition had to be fulfilled first.

Four stockings sat in front of the fireplace, some stuffed fuller than others. Between Jean and Ororo they were each settled in someone's lap. Ororo and Scott started into their eagerly. Logan, on the other hand was confused.

"It's a Christmas stocking," Jean explained, not bothering to hide her sassy grin.

"I got that part," Logan retorted.

Jean's face turned serious. "When we started here, as the first kids, we didn't have what these kids do. It was just us. Since the things we gave each other were small and mainly homemade, we put them in stockings instead of wrapping them. As we got older, we just kept the tradition and we've always waited until everyone else was done, so it was just between us. Like it used to be."

"Jean made us promise to pick it up again this year," Ororo added with a shrug, knowing they'd forgone this particular tradition for a few years.

"And we included you," Jean finished with a truly happy smile.

"Thanks," Logan said gruffly.

"You don't even know if you like them yet," Jean reminded him with a blush, digging into her own. Scott, Ororo and Jean didn't need tags to tell them which gifts came from which person and Logan and pretty much assumed that his stocking stuffers were mainly from the women.

"Scott," Jean gasped suddenly, having unwrapped a larger gift her stocking had been sitting on. The cover of the book was a deep red, darker than the colour of her air, holding a picture of all three of the original X-men.

"Rogue and Kitty helped me to put it together," he admitted as Jean flipped through the pages, filled with pictures, words and paraphernalia from their years together. Some of the pictures included Ororo and others, some didn't.

"This must have taken forever," she exclaimed breathlessly, reverently closing the book and setting it on her lap, meeting the red-tinted glasses.

"It was worth it," he promised and Jean felt a flush crawl up the back of her neck at his tone and words.

* * *

"You didn't have to do that," Logan said as he and Jean made their way to their rooms, gifts in hand. 

"Do what?"

"All of it. The stocking especially."

"You're one of us now, Logan. You have to be a part of the traditions too," she told him, her voice conveying the logical reasoning of the situation.

"I thought you gave me my present last night," he reminded her, stopping in front of his door, beside her. Having gathered everything and stuffed them into stockings, each of them had things that weren't theirs.

Jean dumped her armful on the bed, having preceded Logan into his room, and plopped down beside it, stretching out. Logan dropped his own collection on top of hers, looking down at her relaxed face affectionately.

"You can open that card now, Red," he told her. He'd seen her playing with the edges of the green enveloped when she thought no one was looking. She was anxious and excited. He watched her rip apart the envelope revealing the white card underneath. Her brow knit in confusion.

"A gift hunt?" she asked in surprise.

"Figured I'd make you work for it," Logan replied. Her smile was sarcastic, but her eyes showed the appreciation at the hard work.

"You going to help?" she inquired.

"Someone's gotta make sure you don't get lost," he pointed out. She bounced happily on the end of his bed. His method was less than traditional but totally Logan in the way it was short, simple and to the point.

_Reading in the lab may lead to experiments-gone-wrong._

"A book?" she asked curiously, already stepping out of his room.

"I'm not telling," he responded, though the smile on his face gave him away. She pretty much yanked him down to the medlab, her excitement bubbling over in the way she bounced on the balls of her feet in the elevator. He chuckled.

"Patience," he scolded and she stopped bouncing.

"I can't help it," she said sheepishly. "Christmas is my favourite time of year." The elevator door slid open and Jean calmly stepped into the hall, trying to keep up the illusion that she was tranquil. The lab door slid open as they approached and Jean spotted the collection on her desk.

"This isn't one book," she said in awe. The books were not of any particular series, just a wide assortment of literature she'd read and wanted to read.

"How did you know?"

"Ro found your list." Jean blushed. She kept a list of books that she was looking for so she didn't forget them.

"It's not he whole list," he told her, almost rolling his eyes.

"This is wonderful," she whispered, hands fluttering over the spines of the books. He waved a blue envelope in her line of sight.

"You up for another one?" She reached for the card but he held it just out of her reach, a playful grin twitching at the corners of his mouth.

"Logan…" she whined, reaching for the card again and inadvertently pushing her body against his as she reached for the card.

"Jeannie," he replied in the same whining tone, looking down into her face. A bolt of pure lust shot through him as he remembered the way she'd kissed him the night before. Jean too seemed to remember as she blinked, suddenly stepping back and holding out a hand.

"Don't make me take it from you," she warned. He considered for a moment before handing the envelope over.

_Teddy Roosevelt loved to read_.

She looked up at him, partially in confusion. He'd already given her books and to give her more seemed repetitive.

"Theodore Roosevelt?"

"Teddy," he corrected, deliberately. Her eyes widened.

"You just gave me a Care Bear," she said. He smiled, watching the wheels turn in her head.

"The library," she said suddenly. Carefully piling the books to carry, then deciding against it, she turned, grabbed his hand and dragged him to the library.

"Okay," she said, stepping into the larger room. "There's a million different shelves in here, you know that right?"

"You're smart," he returned. "I'm sure you'll find it."

She huffed, but her eyes sparkled with the excitement of the challenge. Her eyes scanned the room, brain working to figure out the best place for him to hide her next gift. Then, she moved towards the American history shelves.

Theodore Roosevelt.

The bear was small and purple, a red, heart-shaped tag in its ear. The thing, however, that really caught her eye was the white rose on the bear's left side. Reverently, she lifted the bear from the shelf, setting it in her palm. Jean stepped out of the shelves, where she could see Logan.

"How do you do that?" she asked breathlessly.

"Do what?"

"This is the bear in memory of Princess Diana. Its so rare," she explained. "This and the Shakespeare…"

"It's nothing," he said.

"I wanted one of these after she died," Jean admitted, knowing better than to try and argue with him and her eyes fixed on the bear. Then her eyes met his, gratitude shining in her face. Logan only held up a purple envelope.

"You're spoiling me," she groaned, her smile betraying the seeming annoyance in her voice. Still, she opened the envelope for the next clue.

_For the baker in you._

She looked at him almost in annoyance. This one was easy. This time she didn't take his hand and he found his heart missing the feeling. Still, he followed her to the kitchen and where the book was laid out on the counter.

"There's a second in the back to write in your own," he told her over her shoulder.

"This has got to have a recipe for every single cookie out there," she breathed, still flipping through the pages. He chuckled.

"That's what I thought," he told her. "'s why I figured you'd enjoy it."

"Logan," she murmured. "This is…"

"Nothing," he finished. "With what you've put up with, you deserve to be spoiled." She turned and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered against the skin of his neck as she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. His arms pulled her close.

"We're not quite done yet," he said, slowly pulling away, trying to imprint the feeling of her body pressed against his like he did every time he had the opportunity to feel it. From under the cookie cookbook he withdrew a stark white envelope, decorated at the corners with gold swirls. Jean took it delicately from his hand, taking her time in peeling the paper apart to reveal what was inside. Instead of a card, Jean withdrew a pen. She looked at him, confusion flitting across her face.

Logan shrugged. "I couldn't think up a good riddle for this one," he explained. "Come on." They walked back to his room, Logan making a beeline for his bedside table. From it, he withdrew w rectangular package wrapped in simple white paper and gold ribbon. Jean grinned as he handed it over.

"Rogue wrapped it," he said.

"Looks angelic," she told him honestly. "I don't know if I can open it."

"You're going to have to, to know what's inside," he pointed out, shaking his head. So, she carefully took the ribbon off, sliding her fingers under each of the pieces of tape and peeling back the paper. The cover of the book was midnight blue, the border and page edges silver.

The word embossed on the front and coloured the same silver clued her in. _Journal_.

"My Lord…" she breathed, glancing at him as he kneeled in front of her, putting his hands on her knees.

"Things are changing, Jeannie. Chuck knows things are starting to become easier for all of us and with the violence sprouting up in the cities…"

"We'll be heading off a lot more," she agreed.

"Exactly. We probably won't be on a lot of the same missions and it probably won't always be easy to get in touch. This is to help you sort out your thoughts. And maybe it'll help keep Phoenix at bay."

Tears had flooded her eyes as he spoke and she sniffled slightly, swiping her hand under her eyes to stem the wetness. Instead of thanking him verbally – believing it really wouldn't help explain the emotions racing through her – she slipped into his mind, pouring all of her gratitude and happiness into their connection. She settled her hands on top of his.

"Thank you," she finally managed, knowing the words held more significance than usual. "You've effectively spoiled me on Christmas."

He grinned and kissed her forehead in answer.

* * *

That night, after the festivities of dinner with the entire school, Jean sat in bed, flipping through Scott's scrapbook. Her heart fluttered as she remembered each of the moments he'd captured in the book. Then she glanced at the colourful collection of bears she kept on her broad windowsill and her heart constricted. 

Scott was safe and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he would never leave her if she went back to him. Scott would always make contact with her, no matter where he was or what he was doing and everything would be as it was before. Even if she wasn't in love with him now, she knew it was possible for her to fall in love with him again.

Logan was heat and passion incarnate. Things would never be dull with him. The thing was his brooding tendency and his independent nature, the latter of which she envied him for. She knew he'd inadvertently leave her worrying for days on end with no regard to communication. He was reckless and didn't always acknowledge danger as exactly that.

Scot was afraid of her. Yes, he loved her but she could sense the fear in him every time he was near her. He was terrified of Phoenix and argued with him self on whether or not to push Xavier to replace the barriers in her mind.

Logan adored all of her. He'd gotten angry with Xavier on her behalf when told of the limits that were put on her without her permission. Phoenix, he understood, was an extension of Jean, the animalistic part of her that called to his own.

Jean shook her head forcefully, trying to clear her mind as she felt the frustration and confusion stirring Phoenix. Without really thinking about it, she grabbed the new journal and pen from her beside table and flipped it open in her lap, pen poised to write.

Instead of the blank page she expected, she was greeted by Logan's familiar chicken scratch.

_Jeannie,_

_I explained the use of this book to you and if you're reading this then I guess I'm safe to assume that you were planning on using it._

_When I thought about giving this to you, I argued with myself. You probably don't need it. You're one of the strongest people I know and you've proven it time and time again with everything you've experienced._

_You've come a long way, Red. Battling with Phoenix, battling with your feelings and relationships around you and having to find yourself again… none of those are simple things and you did it all with strength, grace and basically on your own. That in itself is a crowning achievement._

_To be blunt, I'm amazed by your well of strength and compassion. You're a hell of a woman Jean Grey, and I really don't think it's possible for anyone to convince you otherwise._

_Love, Logan_

Unlike the time he'd presented her with the book, Jean allowed the touched tears to rain down her cheeks, grabbing Bedtime and clutching the bear close to her heart. As out of character as it was for him, he'd found a way to get through to the very depths of her heart and her insecurities and help her understand that there was someone who had noticed what she'd accomplished since her death and resurrection.

And she loved him.

* * *

_**Okay, I've had this bloody thing written for a week and a half! wouldn't let me upload it!**_

_**Anywho... this is the longest chapter 4716 words! But more importantly, I hope you enjoyed it, because I enjoyed writing it. I'm not sure if I could write Logan more OOC than he is here, but if you think it's physically possible let me know! LOL.**_


	16. Bashfulheart

**Bashfulheart**

Winter turned to spring and the blissfulness of the April mild weather fell over the mansion. Jean loved it because it meant she could go outside again, extend her abilities without having a million people on her heels. It was like stretching before a big run, allowing her to weaken her shields slightly and still not hear the people in her head.

"Jean?"

"Hey Logan," she answered, turning from where she was standing, head tilted back to the sky. She'd heard him coming, knowing the softness of his mental voice meant he was still shielding. She made a mental note to remind him to keep them stronger when she was out like this.

"What's up?"

"Let's go into the city," he suggested.

"The city? Why?"

"It's a surprise. Come on."

"Logan," she protested. "I don't do well with surprises."

"I think you'll like this one," he told her, turning away. "Oh, no skirts."

* * *

Jean burst into Ororo's room, not bothering to knock, her heart in her throat. The dark-skinned woman took one glance at the wide-eyed look on Jean's face and dropped the pen that was in her hand. 

"Jean?"

"I need your help."

"Okay…"

"I'm going out and I have no clue what to wear," the redhead moaned.

"With who?"

Jean blushed. "Logan."

Ororo grinned. "About time."

"It's not like that 'Ro. It's just to get me out of the mansion."

"You're joking, right?"

"Ororo…"

"Why are you denying yourself?" Ororo asked, leading the way to Jean's room.

"Denying myself what?"

"This relationship."

"Don't do this," Jean begged.

"Someone's got to," Ororo shot back. "You and Logan have been dancing around this _thing_ since we brought _him_ back from Canada with Rogue."

"There's more to it than that," Jean protested.

"There was," Ororo conceded, "but when you came back, things had changed."

"Because I didn't have Scott?"

"Partly," Ororo agreed, opening Jean's closet door. "You came back changed too."

"Ororo," Jean said, voice warning.

"Look, I don't want to upset you Jean, but everyone can see it. You know Logan wants it, and not just out of lust. Not any more."

"How do you know that?"

"If you can't see it, you've got to be blind," Ororo said affectionately, turning from her perusal of Jean's wardrobe. She adored Jean like a sister, but sometimes her 'sister' was a little unobservant, especially for a doctor. "He adores you Jean. He's different with you."

"Different how?"

"Almost sweet. You've noticed it; I can see it in your face. Even with Rogue he's not as sweet or gentle. It's like you're going to break if he pushes you too hard."

"But he does it anyway," she protested. "He's never hidden anything from me, not when I ask, not usually."

"Exactly. The rest of us? He's still a cocky smartass that we all want to bring down a peg and he doesn't tell us squat. When he's upset, we steer clear. Unless he's with you because we know that he won't do anything. He reigns in his temper with you."

"He settles me," she admitted sheepishly. "Phoenix doesn't fight as hard when he's around."

Ororo smiled knowingly, pulling open Jean's closet. "Why don't you tell him?"

"I think he knows," Jean replied, coming to stand beside her friend at her closet. Both of them simultaneously started removing various items from the closet, throwing them to the bed.

"And Scott?"

Jean sighed. "I don't know, Ro."

"Do you love Scott, Jean?" Ororo asked, turning to look at their rather large selection of shirts, pants, skirts and blouses.

"No skirts… And no, not like that."

Ororo started holding up tops and bottoms, deciding first if she liked it before deferring the choice to Jean. Meanwhile, Jean replaced the skirts in her closet.

"Do you love Logan?"

Jean froze half way between the bed and the closet. "That's a loaded question," she finally responded.

"It's a simple answer," Ororo protested.

"There's more to it than you think. He's been beside me through everything that's happened since I started to breathe again. I don't want that to be the basis for… for _this_."

"You knew before you died, Jean," Ororo countered, watching Jean pick up her favourite pair of jeans and a red sweater. Jean made sure Ororo saw her roll her eyes before closing the bathroom door to change. Ororo decided on a different tactic.

"Tell me something."

"Yeah…"

"Are you happy when he's around?"

Jean stepped out of the bathroom and faced the full-length mirror on the back of one of her closet doors. "What kind of a question is that?"

"A logical one," Ororo responded. "Do you enjoy spending time with him?"

"I just…"

"Yes or no," Ororo pressed.

"Yes!" Jean finally relented.

"Are you happy when he's around? Do you miss him when he's away?"

"Yes and yes," Jean said defensively.

"And Scott?"

"He wants to spend time with me to get things back to the way they were."

"When you were engaged?"

"Yeah. But he's afraid of me."

"Afraid of you?" It took Ororo a minute to understand. "Phoenix."

"Exactly."

"Logan's not."

"It's the animal in me, just like the animal in him. He relates to it and he doesn't fear it," Jean tried to explain, dropping the hair she'd been twisting on her head.

"And you?"

"It's untapped power, but if I can get a handle on it…"

Ororo dug through one of the top drawers of Jean's dresser, withdrawing a clip and deftly securing half of Jean's long waves at the back of her head. "Now you're trying to change the subject," she admonished. "You're denying what could be the greatest, most explosive relationship you've ever had."

"That's the problem! It could be explosive."

Ororo laughed, stepping in front of Jean. "Dangerous, you mean? Jean, we're talking about passion, an all consuming fire."

"And how would you know, Ms Ororo Monroe?"

"Look, Scott was a safe relationship for you and yeah, at that point you needed it and you loved him, but didn't you get bored? And this thing with Logan… maybe with the changes you've gone through with Phoenix and all, it won't be as bad as you think."

"Ro…"

"You're afraid."

"What?"

"We're all aware that Logan and Scott are two opposites. You're afraid of what a relationship with Logan might result in. Maybe though, since _you_ and Logan are opposites too, it's exactly what you need."

"I do love him," Jean said softly. "I admitted it to myself after Christmas."

"Now that wasn't too hard, was it?" Ororo asked cheekily as both women began gathering clothes, folding them and hanging them back in the closet.

"He calls too, you know." Jean's eyes travelled to the bears stacked on her windowsill, each face still visible in the pile.

"I know," Ororo said, eyes glittering. "I've been on missions with him too, you know." She followed her friend's gaze and gasped.

"Who gave you those?"

Jean smiled shyly. "Logan mostly. The kids gave me one after the first Phoenix attack."

"And you say he's not different with you," Ororo admonished with a grin as both women sat comfortably on the edge of Jean's bed. Silence fell for a few moments before Jean took in a deep breath.

"He could leave me," Jean said suddenly, playing with a stray string on her old bedspread.

"Is that why you won't do it?"

Jean looked down at her fingers. "I don't know if I can handle a heartbreak like that again, Ro."

"You think he's going to leave you," Ororo accused softly. "You're not giving him the benefit of the doubt."

"He'll get bored, Ororo. You were the one that said we're both opposites."

"Opposites can attract, you know," the dark-skinned woman reminded her colleague. "Sometimes you find a balance and it works."

"He'll get over this thing, this infatuation and move on. I get left behind with the daunting task of picking up the pieces again."

"You really are daft!" Ororo exclaimed in awe, wincing when she saw the glare and flash of hurt across Jean's face. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Its just… he's not just infatuated with you, girl, or he would have just taken advantage of you from the beginning. That's the way Logan is."

Jean had to concede to that point. Plus, hadn't Logan said something about waiting for her? _Good things come to those who wait,_ she remembered, had been his own encouragement. His restraint was admirable too, never pushing her to go farther than he thought she wanted, going at her pace even though it was killing him to do so.

"See what happens," Ororo suggested. "If you enjoy tonight, away from prying eyes, then maybe there's hope."

Jean sighed. "Ro…"

"You're probably the first woman he's asked out first, before getting in her pants," Ororo interrupted slyly, ducking out of the room before Jean could find something to throw at her.

* * *

When Logan pulled up to a large tent in the middle of a larger parking lot in front of a convention centre, Jean's jaw dropped. 

"A circus?"

"Not just any circus," he said proudly. "Cirque du Soleil."

Jean shivered at the way the French rolled off of his tongue, gingerly taking the two tickets from his hand. "Logan," she breathed. "This is…"

"Thank me later," he told her. "You should wait to see if you enjoy it first, anyway."

They made their way through the ticket booth, Jean's eyes wandering along the souvenirs as they entered the first tent. Everything one could think of was there, the costumes, the masks, the t-shirts, the videos… Jean couldn't take in everything fast enough. Beside her, his hand on her lower back so as not to lose her, Logan grinned. Ororo had mentioned seeing one of the shows with the students one night while she, Logan and Jean had been sitting in Xavier's office waiting for the weekly meeting to start and Jean's eyes had lit up.

The same way they were at that moment.

"I've wanted to see one of these for so long," she confessed, turning to face him, stopping him in his tracks. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess," Logan replied cryptically. "See somethin' you like?"

Jean's gaze worked its way around the tent again, her mind absorbing and rejecting various objects. "I haven't decided," she said honestly. "Do we have to head in?"

"We should," he answered. "Food?"

They settled in for the performance minutes later, armed with popcorn and cotton candy. If Logan was honest with himself, he spent most of the show watching Jean instead of the performance. She was a kid on Christmas morning, gasping with wide eyes at some of the stunts and laughing at the antics of the clowns. He came out just as satisfied as she did, though for a completely different reason.

"Thank you," Jean gushed as they exited to the parking lot. "That meant the world to me."

He stopped, grabbing her elbow and spinning her into him. He tipped her face up to his with a hand under her chin. "It was nothing," he replied, voice gravely. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

Jean threw her arms around his neck. "Enjoyed it? Logan, I loved it!"

His arms automatically wrapped around her waist, holding her close. "I'm glad."

* * *

It wasn't until Jean was almost asleep in the car that they spoke again. 

"You were okay tonight?" Logan asked, seemingly out of the blue.

"Sorry?"

"With the hearing voices. You were okay?"

"Yeah," she answered wistfully. "I was so focused on the performers, I didn't think about hearing voices or anything like that."

"That's good right?"

"Of course. It's more than good." She turned in her seat to face him. "Logan, I had an awesome time tonight."

"Good. It's nice to get out of the mansion every once in a while."

"Yeah, that was good. The company was better though," she said shyly, looking out the window to avoid the gaze he shot at her.

"You know I'm here."

"I know."

* * *

Jean woke the next morning, rested and happy. She and Logan hadn't arrived back at the mansion until late the previous night and it felt good to be able to sleep in. She took a few moments to lounge in bed, stretching and rolling over, closing her eyes to doze. Eventually, however, not only did her inner alarm clock scream at her for wasting valuable time in bed, but there was a knock at her door. 

"Coming," she called, pulling on her robe. Logan stood on the other side, a bear clutched in his hands.

"Morning," she said happily, leaning against the open door.

"Mornin' Red. Chuck wants me to look at something but I had this I wanted to give you." He held the bear out for her, the blue-green matching her apparel perfectly. Jean looked at the stomach, the heart hiding behind a cloud.

"Who is it?"

"Bashfulheart. Ro had a hand in this one. She said somethin' about lettin' you know bein' shy was okay but sometimes you've gotta take risks." He looked ill at ease and something struck Jean. His entire demeanour was off and Jean could feel herself reacting to it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

"It's not nothing, Logan. You want trust, you want secrets, you've got to contribute too."

"Just this thing Chuck wants. If it's any worse than I'm thinkin', I'll let you know."

Jean sighed, long since having given up on trying to pressure him. "Promise?"

"I promise."

"Have you seen Ororo this morning?"

"Kitchen last I looked."

Jean's hands were squeezing the bear on and off, her own balance off because of his short sentences. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

He chuckled and the sound put her at ease a bit. "Jeannie, it's probably nothing."

"You don't react to nothing, Logan," she responded.

"I do now."

"Why?"

"Look, my outlook changed, Red. I'm not the same bastard everyone thinks I am."

"I know that."

"I got people to worry about now. People to protect."

She smiled softly, knowing subconsciously about his need to protect those he perceived weaker. The school was full of them, but she didn't delude herself to being excluded from that category. In fact, she was sure the whole idea was brought around when she was having problems in the beginning, not being able to lift a simple pencil. He simply smiled.

"I'll see you," he told her softly, knowing she had an idea of what was racing through his head. He turned at started down the hallway.

"Logan," Jean called, stopping him.

"You'll tell me if you have to go?"

He sent her a devilish grin over his shoulder. "I'll do more than tell you."

She laughed and blushed, surprised at the innuendo towards her but happy at the second of normalcy. Maybe a relationship with him wouldn't be that bad after all. She looked down at the bear in her hands and grinned, shaking her head and retreating back into her room to start her day.

* * *

**_Okay, I'm going to be honest, I wasn't happy with the romance side of this chapter. However, I guess the whole focus was Jean's conversation with Ro closer to the beginning. Ironically enough, half of this chapter is going to become the next one, so that's my excuse for it being so much shorter than the last one._**

**_To all those that reviewed: You guys have been fantastic. I can't describe to you the feeling in my heart when I not only broke 100 but went over. Thank you so much._**

**_Unfortunately, I'm starting my job at camp on Friday and won't be able to post for about a week, but I'll try and make sure I'm writing a chapter in the meantime. That way, when I get access to a computer, all I have to do is type it up, and voila! I'm really hoping that's only how long its going to be... that is of course if I don't finish the next one by then!_**

**_Here's the sad part: There's only 3 chapters left! If you think you guys are going to miss this when it's done, I'm terrified! This became my baby through the couple of months its been in progress, but I have an idea for a different story that's not tagged to this one. HOWEVER, if you guys can give me a ridiculously awesome idea for something tied to this one, I might be willing to be persuaded to write... Tee hee hee!_**


	17. Tenderheart

**Tenderheart **

The gym was always blissfully quiet at 3am, and Jean thanked whatever, or whoever, was watching that it was. Logan had left three weeks ago with Ororo and Kurt, apparently taking Phoenix's calm with him. Jean hadn't been able to sleep and found keeping her temper to be a task in itself. She fought to keep her mental shields in tact against the battling alter ego, taking her frustrations out on whatever she could in the wee hours of the morning. It wasn't like Phoenix was going to let her sleep anyway.

Slowly and steadily her body adjusted to the lack of sleep she was getting, but it still frustrated Jean that she couldn't sleep. This in turn, stirred Phoenix and resulted in a constant circle of anger, frustration and disappointment. She was sleepless and cranky, numerous times pondering the idea of going to Xavier and getting the barriers replaced.

"Jean?"

She was working her way through a complex routine that Logan had shown her, the same routine he attempted to use when his own animal battered at his sanity. Her concentration shattered and she fumbled, glancing over at Scott seconds before she hit the mat. The object that had been floating from the power singing through her veins dropped with a clatter, causing them both to jump and wince.

"Sorry," he apologized.

"No, I'm sorry. I can't always control Phoenix and that's really the only release I've got. What brings you down here?"

"Same as you," he assumed. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Yeah." She considered him for a moment. "Spar with me?" she requested. Immediately, she felt a jolt of fear slip through his mind and something squeezed her heart.

"No mutations," she proposed. "Just good, old-fashioned, hand-to-hand combat."

Her chest was already heaving from the exertion she'd put her body through and her skin shone with sweat. Her hands were perched on her hips, pushing against the red fabric of her body-hugging tank top. His eyes subtly travelled over the ensemble, paired with a tight pair of sweatpants, and something in Scott's blood reminded him that she was gorgeous.

"Scott?"

"Sure," he finally agreed and couldn't stop the flutter of his heart at the grin she flashed him. He stepped onto the mat, moving to stand in front of her.

"Let's try and keep it bloodless too," she suggested, knowing it wasn't necessary but suggesting it nonetheless.

"Never," he agreed, amusement colouring his voice.

They began slowly, circling each other, lashing out quickly then retreating, never going too far to leave themselves open for an attack from the other. Both played safe, exactly as their 'rule book' said, the same book that controlled most of their lives. The battle was defensive, neither moving too far out of their comfort zone.

Then Scott saw his chance, aiming for the side of her head. Jean cried out, instinctively blocking the blow with telepathy. A flicker of fear that she didn't need to feel, swam over his face, but was gone just as quickly. Instead, he grinned, realizing this could be a better fight than he'd thought.

"No powers," he reminded her anyway and she blushed in apology.

"Habit," she explained. "Sorry."

Scott accepted it and they began circling again. Jean almost groaned with the monotony, remembering how fighting with Logan – though she was well aware he held back – was never predictable. Seconds later, it was her turn to feel the sting of triumph as she kicked out her feet, sweeping his legs from under him. Before Scott was fully aware of it, Jean had him pinned to the floor. They froze, chests heaving against each other and bodies pressed together.

_This is right,_ Scott's mind sighed.

_This is wrong!_ Jean's screamed. It was enough for Jean to roll off of him and stand smoothly, offering a hand to help him up. He took it, holding it slightly longer than necessary and causing her to shiver as he caressed her wrist in letting her go. They strolled to their towels.

"Have you heard from Logan?" Scott asked, wiping the slight moisture from his forehead. Germany was where they'd gone to find a camp of particularly violent mutants hunting in the countryside. Normally, Xavier would have left the issue to the local authorities or left the mutants alone completely. The problem was they were hunting whatever they could, human or otherwise.

"Nope," Jean answered. She'd hoped for it but never expected it. Logan had specifically told her before they left that he probably wasn't going to be able to talk to her while they were gone. Still, the original mission had only been estimated a week and she missed him terribly.

"Ororo checked in tonight. She says the hope to be home by the end of next week."

Jean resisted the urge to wince. Another week? "Did she say how it was going?"

"They had a little bit of trouble, but other than that apparently they're on track." He told her and she knew he was watching her for a reaction. But Jean wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her squirm.

"Did she say what?"

"Not specifically. She didn't want to talk long."

"They close?"

"I assume so. Even still, they'll have to negotiate with the mutants to stop their hunting of humans." Jean considered the team Xavier had sent for a moment: Kurt, the translator, Logan, the just-in-case muscle – though, in all honesty, from what the professor described, maybe even Logan wasn't strong enough, even with help from Kurt and Ororo – and Ororo, surrogate negotiator since Hank was busy with the government.

"Ro's good. They'll do it," Jean said with a bright smile. She absently folded her towel, her mind deciding on whether it was a good idea for her to interrupt Logan with her telepathy.

"You going to bed?" Scott inquired, missing the battle waging in her conscience.

"Yeah," she answered, looking up. "Thanks for fighting with me."

"Sure," she heard him faintly as she left. Instead of actually heading to her room, however, she moved off to her lab, needing the silence, solitude and something to occupy her hands.

It didn't surprise her that Logan didn't check in. As much as she'd admitted to Ororo that he did have the habit of calling her when he was out, he had had the presence of mind to at least warn her that the chances of him calling were slim. The problem was that she missed him terribly. When she thought about it, she knew it was insane. Or, maybe not. Scott had been making sure he was spending as much time with her as possible, sitting close beside her when they were in the den, catching her at the end of classes, eating lunch with her at break…

She didn't want to talk to Logan about Scott's… _interesting_… change of character. Not a chance, but she did believe Logan's presence discouraged Scott. It was cruel, using Logan to keep Scott away, but as hurt as she was at Scott's blatant rejection in the beginning, she didn't have it in her heart to tell him off.

And she flat out missed Logan.

Her head was pounding now, from over-thinking and ignoring the pounding Phoenix was doing. She settled her head on her arms, resting on her desk. She'd close her eyes for a minute, that was it…

* * *

Jean awoke the next morning with a headache she was sure was going to split her skull open. The last time she could remember something this bad was in the beginning, after she'd worn her brain out with telekinesis. She was ready to chalk it up to sleep, but when she couldn't open her eyes, she knew it was most likely worse. 

_Jean?_ The redhead winced at the volume of Xavier's mental voice.

_Yes professor? _she managed weakly in reply.

_Are you all right?_ Xavier's mental voice had softened and Jean relaxed slightly.

_Just a headache_, she replied. _I'll be fine._

_You haven't been sleeping._ It was a statement and Jean groaned, realizing she'd forgotten to put energy into her shields.

_Are you up for classes today?_ Xavier asked.

Jean seriously considered the option for a moment. _I'll be fine._

_Jean…_ the professor warned.

_Are you encouraging me to take a sick day?_

The professor chuckled. _Headaches and mental abilities do not mix well,_ he reminded her. Jean kept her head buried in her arms, away from the harsh light of the lab. Finally, she sighed heavily.

_My lesson plans are in the binder on my desk,_ she relented finally.

_I'll have Hank bring your breakfast and take your classes._

_Can you ask him to come and get me first? You know, since you're already getting him to check on me?_ The latter was said affectionately.

Xavier chuckled. _Get better._

Hank stepped in not fifteen minutes later and tapped Jean's shoulder gently.

"Can you walk?"

"How'd you get here so fast?"

"Danger room," he answered swiftly, taking Jean's lack of acknowledgement as a no. "I'm going to need your help a bit here, Jean."

She smiled slightly at the diplomatic tone of his voice. "Okay. What do you need?"

"You to stand up and help here. You're going to need to jump a bit to get on my back."

They managed to get her on his back securely without jarring her head too much. Jean, however, still sighed blissfully when she could bury her head between Hank's neck and her arm.

"You're a hero," she stated. "No matter what other people say."

* * *

Hank, who'd left as soon as she was safely tucked in bed, and in more comfortable clothing than her work out clothes, knocked on her door twenty minutes later, not waiting for her response before letting himself in with a tray. 

"Jean?" he called softly, noticing her closed eyes and relaxed face. He could only assume that with her eyes closed – as well as every drape and blind – her headache had eased slightly.

"I can't eat anything," she protested, looking up at the blue man.

"Dry toast and orange juice," he returned. "You have to eat something."

Jean groaned, but sat up carefully. "All right."

"And Aspririn," he promised, holding out the pills for her.

"Now you're a saviour."

"How long has this…"

"My first headache," she said. "Phoenix has been fighting and I don't know why."

Hank pressed a hand to her forehead. "I'm not sure Phoenix is the only reason you're ill. You're feeling a bit warm."

"I haven't been sleeping," she confessed, the admission easier to make to someone like Hank instead of her father-figure. "But I can't be sick. I have things to take care of."

"Put them on hold," Hank advised. "I don't think you'll be doing much at least for today."

"Thanks," Jean said sincerely. Hank smiled affectionately as he settled the breakfast tray across her lap instead of beside her on the bed.

"I'll check on you at lunch."

* * *

She wasn't better the next day and threw up on the third. She was miserable and Scott still hadn't let up. She didn't even have the mental strength to try and contact Ororo, Kurt or Logan. 

"Jean?" She tried to bury her head in her pillows and disappear. She didn't want to deal with Scoot. Her sickness hadn't stopped Scott in the slightest, nor had the fact that Hank seemed to have everything under control. Instead, Scott felt it was his duty to sit by her bedside, whether she was sleeping or awake. Hank had finally shooed him out of the room, begging him to leave her alone for the rest she couldn't seem to get.

"Sleeping," she whispered into her pillows, willing Scott to leave. "Can't talk." She closed her eyes and buried her face further into the pillows.

"Dr Grey?" That wasn't Scott. Her eyes snapped open, slowly turning her head to look at the door where Rogue and Kitty stood.

"You probably don't want to see these…" Rogue trailed off, setting a pile of paper on Jean's desk.

"The assignments," Jean croaked out. Kitty smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry."

Jean smiled. "It's perfect," she told them. "A girl can only take so much daytime television." The teens laughed and Kitty settled the pile she was carrying on the bed.

"Mr Summers said it would probably be okay for us to sit in if you were up for it," Rogue said, Kitty running to the door and bringing in another canvas bag, making sure the door closed behind them.

"Okay…" Jean replied, eyeing the bag.

"Magazines," Kitty volunteered as she and Rogue climbed up beside their teacher and friend.

"We've got the good ones, _In Touch, US, People, Cosmo…_"

"Sounds awesome," Jean admitted, "Just… both of you sit on that side."

"Why?" Rogue asked as she moved beside Kitty.

"I need a straight path to the bathroom," Jean said seriously. The girls nodded sagely.

"Now, where do we start?"

* * *

Jean's flu still hadn't eased by the end of the week. She couldn't eat more than dry toast and soup and even those she had a hard time keeping down. On the bright side, her head had stopped pounding. She'd just finished another lunch and was settling in for her daily soaps when a knock sounded. 

"If you don't have painkillers, I don't want to talk to you," she called. The pounding of her head may have lessened, but she still felt like she'd been hit by a transport truck. The door opened anyway, even though Jean didn't look towards it.

"Blue told me you weren't doin' so good 'n I wanted to tell you we were back." Jean's attitude changed abruptly and she threw herself out of bed, completely forgetting her illness. Logan only had a split second to brace himself before Jean rammed into him.

A split second later she was racing to the bathroom.

Logan held back her hair and rubbed her back as she retched, and allowed her to lean back against him when she was done. He easily lifted her into his arms, carrying her back to bed. He returned to her bathroom and she heard the tap run and the toilet flush. She closed her eyes. Seconds later she felt a cool cloth on her forehead.

"Thanks," she whispered, blinking her eyes open to meet his.

"Yeah," he answered. "I'll let you sleep."

"No," she said, catching his hand. "Stay. You probably need the sleep too." He crawled in beside her and she immediately curled into his side.

"You're smaller," he stated a few minutes later, his voice groggy and his hand still stroking from her hip to her ribs and back.

She chuckled. "That happens when you can't keep anything down," she retorted, not offended in the least. He was almost purring beside her and her lips quirked up slightly as she snuggled closer to his side.

"I missed you, you know," she whispered, when the soap had gone to commercial.

"The kid says Scooter's been checkin' in on you. And Blue."

She nodded. "Rogue and Kitty spent an evening here and Hank's been great."

"Scooter's not buggin' you again, is he?"

"He's been suffocating me," she confessed, knowing he'd get it out of her eventually. He'd proven that particular skill on a number of occasions. "I wanted to talk to Ororo, 'cause you're biased."

He snorted. "Still isn't gettin' a clue," he tutted. She giggled and slapped at his chest.

"Be nice," she scolded, resting her hand by her head, pillowed on his shoulder. It was how Hank found them, sound asleep, when he came with Jean's dinner.

* * *

With Logan's presence, and thus, not only no Scott to add to her stress but a calmer Phoenix, Jean's health improved dramatically as she slept through the bug. By the following Wednesday, she was back to teaching all of her classes and gaining the weight back that the illness had cost her. Logan watched her curves develop again with growing hunger. 

Now, he leaned against the doorframe of her final class of the day, admiring her as she moved about, teaching and lecturing. He'd allowed his restraint around her to go slightly as she told him bits and pieces of about Scott and what his advances had resulted in. He openly stared at her, smirking slightly when she caught him, her smooth tone hitching slightly. He could smell the change in her body too.

Since he'd spent most of the time during her illness in bed with her, sleeping and chatting, keeping her company, there were few times they weren't found together at night, curled up as close as possible. It was as much because of the lessened nightmares and calmer sleep as it was the fact that they enjoyed each other's company and usually ended up falling asleep talking, before they realized they'd dozed off.

The morning Scott had walked by Jean's room just in time to see Logan emerge, shirtless, and notice the closed door to Jean's bathroom, he stepped back, but Logan was sure it was just to reassess the perceived change and change his strategy. Logan remembered fondly the look that had flitted over Scott's face when Logan had met his eyes, still watching Jean make notes on the board a the front of the room. Part of him revelled in the fact that he now, essentially, had Jean to himself, even as another part was slightly upset that there wasn't a good reason to fight Golden Boy. And that didn't even include the feelings that stirred within Logan at the idea of basically taking Jean from under his nose. So Logan never corrected Scott's assumption that he and Jean were sleeping together. Since Scott never asked Jean, he believed it.

"Logan," his redheaded goddess called from the front of the room, attracting his wandering attention. Apparently he'd been thinking hard enough to not hear the class change.

"Afternoon, Red," he greeted in reply. He interchanged the nicknames, Red for when he was feeling a bit more playful and Jeannie for their more serious conversations.

"What bring you up here so early?" Xavier had long ago asked him to take the senior students for a couple of hours to show them offensive and defensive moves, just as Jean taught them simple field medical training, or Ororo taught them to live off of the elements. It was all a training program for the next set of mutants, the junior X-men. As a result, Logan was rarely found in the upper halls of the mansion before dinner.

"You," he answered watching a blush stain her face with a chuckle.

"And what about me?" They'd been dancing around their relationship since he got back from Germany, both of them waiting for the other one to crack. Since they were both strong willed, it was a long battle.

"Just you." He backed her up against her desk, pressing his body fully against his.

"Logan," she chuckled, pushing against his chest, even as she used that leverage to help her sit on the edge of the wood. "Stop." He did pull back slightly, not wanting to upset her. Suddenly, she gasped, her face lighting up.

"I have something for you," she said, nudging against him to get him to move so she could pass.

"For me?"

"Uh huh."

"What?"

She withdrew the object from a filing cabinet, hiding it behind her back. "I know they're usually your thing…" she trailed off, bringing the brown Care Bear in front of her. She looked at it for a few moments, before holding it out to him. He took the bear gently from her grasp.

"Its Tenderheart," she said softly. "Technically, he shows how to care, but that doesn't seem to fit here. You've shown me you care. So I decided I'd give him to you so you have a physical acknowledgement that I know you care and its made a difference."

"You know," he said after a while, sensing Jean's nervousness. "You're still the only person that can make me speechless." She flashed him a blinding smile, her anxiety easing. He held the bear out for her.

"What?"

"He can't be all alone in my room. Put him in with the rest of yours," Logan requested. Jean smirked slightly.

"You just don't want to lose you're manly image," she teased with a grin, taking the bear anyway. He smirked back.

"No offence, I don't think he really fits with the décor."

Jean giggled. "Let me go change, then we can find something to do until dinner," she proposed.

"Sounds good."

"Great!" She almost bounced out of the room until Logan's voice called her back.

"Thanks, Jeannie," he said softly.

"Your more than welcome," Jean replied, blowing him a kiss on the way out. Logan stood in the classroom for a few moments, admiring the woman that had just left. She had guts, that was for sure, but he'd been touched by her gift. He smiled, shaking his head as he exited the classroom.

* * *

_**Ha! I finished it before camp! Actually, this was done the same night as Bashfulheart, I just figured you guys would value the update closer to when I leave rather than later. Remember, I'll be gone a week, but I promise to work my bum off on the next chapter for when I get home!**_

_**Hope you liked the turn around with Jean giving Logan the bear instead of vice-versa. Plus, soon it won't matter which room he's in wink-wink. **_

_**2 official chapters to go... might do an epilogue for fun! Or a sequel if someone can give me a kick ass, non-cliched idea for a sequel. I'm kind of tempted to actually put a little more action into a sequel with a possible offspring...**_


	18. True Heart

**True Heart**

Jean was going to throw something. Punching and kicking just wasn't going to cut it, not in the mood she was in. She couldn't decide who was pissing her off more, Logan or Scott. The latter wanted her back desperately, that much was certain by the way he always attempted to be beside her, found excuses to be in the same room with her, to walk her to bed, but he just couldn't get it through his head that while Jean loved him, their relationship was not going any further than a tenuous friendship. The former pulled back from her. In Logan's defence, she'd shied away from him first. Something had to give or she was going to blow.

Forcibly she took a deep breath, telling herself to calm down as bottles and machinery shook around her. It would not be beneficial to have a flask of strong acid shatter all over the other chemicals.

"Jean?" She spun to face Hank and his worried look.

"Hi. Did I disturb you?"

"When your book starts shaking and threatening to rip itself apart you realize something is wrong," he responded wryly. "Is there something you'd like to talk about?"

"Just annoyed is all," she answered. "I've been dealing with a few personal issues that are starting to drive me crazy."

Hank smiled knowingly. "Relationship problems?"

Jean looked to the ceiling, tilting her head back in defeat. "Is it that obvious?"

"Only to those who have been paying attention," he assured her.

"So that means everybody," she groaned closing her eyes.

"I wish there was something I could do," Hank told her, voice brotherly.

Jean's smile was slightly sarcastic. "Trust me. You don't want to be involved."

"Probably not," he agreed amicably. "But the fact that you're frustrated enough to absently shake not only your lab but rooms down the hall frightens me for your safety as much as for the rest of the school's."

"I know and I'm sorry. I wish I could control it."

"You'll be able to," Hank promised her.

"It's a vicious circle," she complained. "I can't get angry because then Phoenix fights against me but this frustration means Phoenix is going to fight anyway and I can't get upset because then I can't control it."

Hank nodded sagely. "Have you spoken to the professor?"

"Why should I?" she snapped, her temper getting a hold of her. Then she deflated. "Sorry."

"Are you and the professor getting along, Jean?"

"Just fine. I'm sick of everyone suggesting that I talk to him," she explained.

"I sense a 'but'."

"But I have seriously considered asking Xavier to put some of the barriers back, just for safety."

"Not that I'm agreeing, but what stopped you?"

She couldn't stop her smile. "Logan."

"I'm sorry?"

"I have this theory that the Wolverine calms Phoenix because Phoenix doesn't fight as hard when Logan's around. He really is against me cutting the power again."

"Do you know why?"

Jean nodded. "And part of me agrees with him. If the professor was to put the barriers in, I'll never learn to harness the power and merge it with what I do have control of."

"Sounds logical," Hank agreed.

"It is. That's the problem. I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I certainly don't want to have to deal with it later because the barriers break again."

"Quite the conundrum," Hank observed.

Jean sighed. "That's not even the half of it."

* * *

Jean went to Logan that night, continuing the ritual of sleeping together… because of his calming influence of course. It had nothing to do with the way she felt so much more comfortable against him than alone in her bed or the way his scent and breathing lulled her to sleep. He was lying on his back, arms propped behind his head and she knew he'd smelled her down the hall. 

"Hey," she said softly, tone intimate.

"Hey," he answered. Taking a deep breath and reminding herself about what she'd set out to do she made her way to his bed, folding her robe and placing it on the floor beside her side of the bed. Regardless of how much he respected her, she felt his eyes drop to her behind as she bent over, covered simply in a pair of panties.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked, his voice slightly husky. She didn't answer. Instead, she climbed in, sitting beside him.

"This is getting stupid," she told him bluntly.

"What is?" He was genuinely confused.

"Us. If there is such a thing. It's always hot, cold, hot, cold… and without reason! Or, it's just a reason I can't understand." Now that she'd started she felt herself unable to stop. "I'm having a hard time trying to figure things out and figure out exactly what you want from me and how you want me to deal with certain situations and I hate the line we've inadvertently created…"

Her ranting tirade was interrupted by Logan, who'd rolled so he straddled her outstretched legs and sealed his mouth to hers. Instead of the Christmas kiss that spoke volumes of restrained desire, this one held his longing and pent up sexual frustration. It forced her to surrender to him and the tongue that probed the seam of her lips. His hands rested on the wall by her head, hers curling up around his neck and into his hair. He pulled away only for a second, to take in a deep breath before plundering her mouth again, only because she'd whimpered when he stopped and yanked his head back to hers. This time they slowed their kiss down until it ended naturally, both of them panting.

"Is this what we're going to be then?" she inquired, searching his face. He cupped her cheeks in his palms, his gentle touch contrasting with the intensity of him the moment before.

"You know it couldn't be, Jean. Not anymore."

"Then what happened?"

"You asked for time," he pointed out. "I was givin' it to you."

"By pulling away completely?"

"I didn't want things that I did to have an influence on your decision."

She leaned forward, kissing him quickly. "That sounds so messed up, I don't want to understand," she told him.

Logan grinned. "I'm assumin' you don't want more time," he said, his voice dropping, making her shiver.

Jean nodded. "But whatever we do, we're going to take it slow," she demanded. He nodded, pulling her forward and sealing his mouth to hers again. Jean couldn't hold in her whimpered groan as his tongue swept into her mouth. Eventually, when she couldn't breathe, she pulled away, accidentally whacking her head against the wall, baring her neck. He took advantage of the opportunity, nipping and licking up the side of her neck, making her gasp as he hit the juncture of her neck, jaw and ear.

"Logan," Jean warned. "Cut it out." Her tone wasn't convincing in the slightest. It didn't help that her body hitched and her throat choked out a pleasured moan as he lavished attention on her ear and the surrounding area.

"Logan," she tried again, fighting against her body's natural response. She finally grabbed a hold of his face, and pulled him to her face, slowing them down substantially with a long drugging kiss.

"Slow, remember?" she said softly. "And we still have a lot to talk about." She could feel the happiness and pleasure rolling off of him in waves, but also the distinct heat and arousal at seeing her, touching her and kissing her like he had always wanted to.

"It can wait," he told her, leaning in to kiss her again. She allowed it, but kept it slow and careful, feeling his frustration.

"So can what you're thinking," she responded, her eyes still closed. Before he could try and convince her otherwise, Jean let out a huge yawn. Immediately after, she blushed.

"Sorry."

"Bedtime?" Logan asked unnecessarily, already rolling of her to settle against the pillows.

"Yeah," she agreed, cuddling against his body.

"Good night Red," he whispered pressing a kiss to her hair.

"Night," she answered sleepily.

* * *

Logan was surprised the next morning to find Jean still curled up beside him and completely awake. It wasn't the fact that she'd stayed that surprised him, more that she was always an early riser, even on Saturdays. The proof that she was still there at 11am on said Saturday morning told of her conflicted thoughts. 

Slowly he started rubbing his hand lazily up and down her back, simultaneously trying to calm her tense muscles and let her know he was awake. "Morning, Jeannie."

"Morning," she responded smoothly, her voice calm. Unfortunately for her, Logan knew better.

"You okay?" He'd never been one to beat around the bush, and he wasn't about to start. Jean slowly started drawing on his stomach, where her hand had been resting.

"Been thinking, is all," she answered softly.

"At 11am?"

"Consider yourself lucky I decided to sleep in today."

"You're avoiding something," he stated matter-of-factly after a few minutes.

Jean grimaced. "Is it that obvious?"

"To someone who's never seen you in bed past nine if you can help it," he answered. His hand on her back started taking a deliberate path that he knew would hit all the parts of her back to soothe and calm her.

Jean sighed. "So what if I am?"

"It won't help to avoid it. You know that."

"If you were avoiding a conversation with your ex-fiancée telling him you wanted him to leave you alone so you could try and see what would happen between you and his main rival you would be avoiding it too," she snapped.

"That's not my style," he pointed out gently.

She snorted. "You can't tell me you'd get violent."

"You have to do this, Jeannie."

"You're biased," she retorted petulantly.

He sighed. "Maybe so, but I know it's not goin' to help whatever is going on with us or help you get closure on your relationship with One-Eye."

"There's more to it than that," she insisted.

"Is there?"

She sighed. "Logan, you're not even sure what to call our change, if we're even going to call what we have a relationship," she said frankly. "How do you expect me to explain it to Scott."

"You're turning the conversation around," he accused. With an irritated snort, Jean flipped the covers off and pulled herself out of bed, away from Logan.

"Jean…"

"You don't ever want to talk about you, and at times, its sweet, but I'm sick and tired of you hiding from me," she stated, standing and putting on her robe. "I'm going to talk to Scott."

"Jean…"

"No!" she yelled then took a deep breath to calm herself. "When you're ready to tell me where we're going, what we're doing… come find me."

* * *

Jean, with assistance from her growing telepathy, found Scott easily, hunting through the kitchen cupboards for lunch. Since she hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before – something her stomach was insistently remind her of – she figured it was a good enough place to start. 

"Did you just get up?" Scott asked when he noticed her entrance. She blushed.

"Yeah."

He frowned. "Bad night?"

Jean's stomach turned a flip-flop at the blatant concern in his voice. "Something like that?"

"Logan?"

Her head snapped around to face him in shock and she let out a bark of laughter. "No, not Logan."

Scott looked defeated for a moment. "Oh."

With a gentle poke of her mind, she forced him to meet her eyes. "We need to talk, Scott," she said softly. This time he really did deflate, his shoulders sagging and his entire demeanour changing. Jean immediately felt guilty, but pushed it to the back of her mind.

"You don't love me anymore," he said succinctly. He'd felt their mental connection deteriorate since she'd come back but hadn't acknowledged it.

"Not like you want. I haven't been in love with you for a long time," she told him honestly. "But you knew that. I told you that." Silence settled over them for a moment before realization blossomed over Scott's face.

"You're in love with Logan." His voice held an interesting mixture of defeat and passionate anger, his fists clenching at his sides. There was no use in her denying it.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He's been there for me, he trusts me," she said simply.

"He'll leave."

She sighed. "I know. I'll deal with it when it comes."

"You're making mistake," he warned.

She met his eyes, hers reflecting the grief, pain and relief at having the conversation. "Then so be it."

* * *

Jean stood at one of the floor to ceiling library windows a few nights later, looking at the car in the driveway of the mansion. It was 2am and everyone was supposed to be asleep, but she'd been startled awake by waves of agony, sadness and defeat. She took time to figure out the reason before getting out of bed, soothing Logan with her mind as she took off down the halls to the library, where she now stood. 

And watched Scott pack duffle bag after duffle bag into the trunk of the car.

Her heart bled for him and his need to leave but she never moved to stop him. She'd found the note he'd left on the pillow in her room, twisting the folding paper now between her hands. It touched her that his heart and conscience had forced him to let her know he was leaving and why. She'd read it at least a hundred times already, a few of the phrases burned into her mind

_I can't stay._

_It hurts too much._

_I'd be lying if I told you I wanted you to be happy with him._

_I can't be around you, knowing you're not mine._

Watching him leave was purely for her own closure.

Finally, he climbed into the driver's side, closing the door and starting the car's engine. She watched him drive off without once looking back, and made no move, physically or mentally, to stop him.

_Good luck,_ she thought, keeping the words to herself. _Stay safe._

She had closure.

* * *

The entire school noticed the shift in dynamics since Scott's departure, not only in the team but in specific members as well. Even so, Jean was still annoyed with Logan's reluctance to share any feeling with her. 

He'd wordlessly left on an extremely short trip – or so he'd promised – but left her a note and an other Care Bear, this one meaning almost more than any of the others.

_Jeannie,_

_True Heart may be better suited to me than you since she's supposed to help share feelings, especially caring ones, so consider this a promise. I have to leave for a couple of days for Chuck, but I promise we'll talk when I get back._

_Logan_

Her heart rate sped up at the implication of his words and a smile blossomed over her face as she set the multi-coloured bear on the sill with the rest. Then a knock sounded on her door.

"Jean, Logan is on the phone for you," Hank told her, poking his head in.

"Thanks," Jean replied as she followed him down the hall to the closest phone.

"I've been doin' a lot o' thinkin' and I decided I couldn't wait," he spurted before she had a chance to speak.

"Okay…"

"I care about you, Jeannie."

"I know," she replied, affection in her voice. "I'm sorry for questioning that."

"It's hard for me."

"I know." And she did.

"I want a real relationship with you," he told her passionately.

She sighed blissfully. "Me too."

"Good." His voice oozed contentment and she found herself unable to repress a shiver.

"Be careful, okay?"

"Always, Red. I'll see you in a few days."

It wasn't until after she heard the click of the phone that she allowed herself to whisper to the empty hallways,

"I love you."

* * *

**_Hope you guys were happy with this. I'm gone again until Sunday, but I will try to have the next chapter written by then._**

**_More importantly, I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A SEQUEL! Be happy, cuz I am! We'll see if it works out._**

**_Tonnes of hugs and love to those of you who reviewed the previous chapter. You guys have been utterly fantastic with this. Thanks a million._**


	19. Love a Lot

**Love-a-Lot**

Jean sat at the window in her bedroom, soaking wet and wrapped in a towel, staring at the stormy sky. The pathetic fallacy of the moment was not lost on her, the sky reflecting her dark mood. Logan had been sent out a month ago, she a day after that, but was soon after withdrawn for an emergency back at the mansion. She remembered climbing onto the next plane back, her mind trying to decipher what was so wrong that the professor felt he needed her. She'd ended up following the professor's mind all the way down to the infirmary where her questions were answered in a flash.

Logan was on the table, bloody and cut up, terribly injured.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_I managed to stabilize him," Hank told the dumbfounded redhead as Jean stared at the limp form. His suit had been cut open to allow his chest more room to breathe, but it made his blood and the gashes on his chest stand out brighter. Suddenly, her medical brain kicked in, overwhelming the emotions that she'd felt welling up._

"_We have to get him out of that suit," she ordered. "I'm going to need disinfectant, bandages and I'm going to need to know exactly what happened."_

"'_E said 'e vas going to be fine," Kurt spoke up and Jean vaguely remembered Logan mentioning that his mission partner was the lithe blue man._

"_What did he do?" she asked as she and Hank got to work on the blood and gore. Logan had always been reckless, but if he'd gotten himself critically injured she considered killing him herself._

"_Jumped ahead while ve vere racing through a forest," Kurt answered immediately. "Since 'e's always done dat, I didn't think anything of it."_

"_Its okay," Jean assured him quickly, her hands brushing away Logan's uniform to his waist, allowing Hank to handle the rest. Her own hands focused on the wounds of his upper body, flying over chest and abdomen, checking for internal bleeding and mentally logging all of Logan's injuries._

"_Do you know what got him?" she asked, glancing up at the worried faces around her._

"_No," came Kurt's dejected reply._

"_Well, from the looks of things there's no internal bleeding, which is a good thing. The bad news is that whatever got his stomach nicked the liver and intestines," she told them as a preliminary assessment. The anxious relief was that followed her statement swamped her mind for a moment and she had to ruthlessly push it and the emotions she could feel creeping into her mind back._

"_With his healing capabilities, we shouldn't have to do any surgery," she surmised. That was when the assembled group started trickling out, Bobby, John and Rogue first, then Ororo and Kurt until she was left with the professor and Hank. When Hank was sure they'd done everything they could, he pulled Jean away from the prone body and over to a couch they'd put against the wall long ago for late nights in the lab._

"_There's nothing else to do but wait," he told her softly. It was only then that her medical mind dissolved leaving a broken and emotional woman, tears streaming down her face. Hank pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her slender figure and allowing her to cry into his chest, as he always had. _

"_Jean," the professor said softly, in the same tone he used to calm her down as a child. "He will be fine. You said so yourself."_

"_I can't lose him," she sobbed into Hank's chest. "Not him too."_

"_Jean…"_

"_He's overloaded his healing factor and he's not out of the woods yet," she explained carefully, willing the sobs not to choke her. "I don't know how long it will take to kick in again."_

"_He will be fine Jean," Hank said in comfort. "You'll see._

_**END FLASHBACK**_

_Fine my ass_, Jean thought to herself. Weeks had passed and still Logan had not awoken.

"On the bright side, " Hank had said to her last week, when she was too tired to competently change the dressings, "his liver seems to be healed beautifully and the intestine wound has completely closed."

Still, as a doctor, she knew the stats. The longer Logan was unconscious, the less likely he had to wake up, even with his healing factor.

As was expected, Jean spent all of her free time down with him, had never left his prone form except when forced by Hank or the professor. She'd been sent up to her room an hour ago to shower, eat and change. She'd managed the first before getting caught up in the storm.

_Jean…_ Her mind snapped back to the present as his familiar voice penetrated the fog and her shields. She shrugged it off, having believed she was hearing his voice for weeks now. Her mind drifted again, settling on a memory of the last time she'd cried, partially out of anger, partially out of fear, over his body.

_Don't do this to me Logan. I can't lose you too, I love you._

She'd spoken the words out loud when no one was around, taking a small comfort in crying on his chest, even if he couldn't hold her.

_Jean…_

"Jean!" That one was aloud and from Ororo who burst into her room. "Jean, Logan's awake."

The redhead bounded down to the infirmary with no regard to the fact that she was still only covered by her towel. Her mind was completely focused on seeing his brown eyes intensely digging into hers.

_Jean?_

"Right here Logan," she called out as she raced to his side. Apparently, she was the first person Ororo had told since the lab was completely empty save her. He groaned and turned his face to hers, eyes blinking open to meet her green orbs. She checked on the bandages still scattered across his body. Gently, she pulled them off one by one, exposing the newly-healed skin.

"I'm right here," she whispered, teary-eyed and grasping his hand in her own/

He groaned again as he tried to piece together why he was in the lab. "What happened?"

"No one really knows," she told him softly, honestly. "How do you feel?"

"Sore," he answered honestly. "Like I'd rather finish my healin' curled up in bed with you."

That made her blush. "I want to keep you down here for at least another day," she said softly. "Just to make sure everything's back to normal."

His hand slowly drew up to her cheek, wiping at the red lines her tears had left behind and the dark bags. "You haven't been sleepin'."

"No."

"And you've been cryin'."

"You could have died," she shot back, voicing her fear for the first time.

"I had you to come back to," he told her simply. "That's motivation enough." Jean smiled slightly, just as Rogue bounded in, evidently having heard the good news.

"Logan!" she shrieked, racing to his side and gripping his free hand tightly. "It's about time you woke up."

Both adults smiled at her exuberance, before Jean remembered her distinct lack of attire. "I'm going to get dressed," she announced and shivered as Logan's eyes travelled her just covered body. "You two get reacquainted."

* * *

True to her word, 24 hours later, Logan was in his own bed dozing while Jean read, curled up against his side. He'd heard her declaration of love in his unconsciousness and his mind had done a happy dance. Still, he wanted to hear her say it again and had the desperate urge to say it back to her. He was hoping the red Care Bear he'd stuffed in his drawer would be of help. 

Every once in a while she'd look up at him, almost refusing to believe he was really there and having to check and make sure. Eventually, he caught and held her gaze with a seductive smile, pulling her head up to his to kiss her thoroughly. It was a novelty he loved, since he'd taken his time in showing her affection after Alkali Lake. Now, he took liberties he would never have before.

"I have somethin' for you," he said, breaking away.

She chuckled slightly. "You're the sickie," she reminded him. "You're the one who's supposed to be getting gifts."

Logan graced her with an indulgent smile as he carefully reached over to his nightstand. He'd meant to give her the bear before he left, but never found the right time. Now that he'd heard her say those three life-altering words, he knew any moment would become the right time. Gently, he withdrew the plush object, holding it out for her. She stared at it for a moment before slowly taking it in her hands.

"You spoil me," she whispered. Jean had done a little bit of research after True Heart and had, by process of elimination, realized that she was missing one, all important bear.

He took a deep breath before baring his heart. "I love you."

She froze and for a split second he wondered if she was going to slap him.

"What?"

"This bear, Love-a-Lot," he began slowly, "is the last one, the only circulation Care Bear you don't own. Her job is to help spread love."

"That's not what I asked," Jean managed to breathe.

"I heard you downstairs while I was out, could hear everythin' that was bein' said 'round me."

"Logan…" her whispered voice was an annoyed plea.

He cupped her face in his palms. "I love you," he whispered into her lips, kissing her soundly. When they pulled apart, Jean looked dazed and Logan chuckled. Finally, she regained her equilibrium, a large happy grin stretching across her face.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that."

He snorted. "Not half as long as I've been wantin' to say it."

She made sure to meet and hold his eyes before she spoke. "I love you. So much."

He was above and over her in a flash, ignoring his injuries and pinning her to the bed as he plundered her mouth.

"Love you," he managed between passionate kisses. "So much."

Her only response was a groan, but she opened her mind to his, pouring her love down the now-opened and, she realized, newly created link.

* * *

When Jean awoke hours later, book forgotten on the floor and sprawled on his chest she couldn't stop the ridiculously large grin from spreading across her face. Never in a million years would she have expected Logan to do the things he had in the two years she'd been back at the mansion. He'd not only spoiled her, but he'd watched over her and kept her what was now considered sane. 

She looked up at his still sleeping face from her vantage point on his chest, well aware that if she moved too much, or so much as breathed irregularly, he'd be awake. Logan was special, she decided. Sure, they both had their contradictions and their faults, but they complimented each other so well that she didn't care that he was a cover hog, or that he was generally withdrawn. She had strong faith that in time everything would work out.

"What are you thinkin' 'bout?" Logan asked groggily, his hand shifting up and down her back.

"Now I understand why you didn't want to believe me dead. You loved me too much to let me go."

He smiled slightly. "Perceptive," he complimented.

"Thanks," she replied shyly. Silence descended over them easily, blanketing them in warmth and comfort. Rarely did they have tense silences anymore, simply because they were too comfortable with each other to have to talk.

"I can hear your thoughts," he said suddenly, voice awed.

"What?"

"What you're thinking," he repeated. She grinned.

"I had one of these with Scott," she explained, having caught his look of confusion. "It just developed as our relationship did."

"What is it?"

"Honestly, I'm not really sure. I just remember being extremely glad to have it on a number of occasions."

"Its giving me a headache," he admitted.

"So shield your mind," she retorted, all sass.

He smirked, his hand sliding to her hips, where he tickled her. "Smartass."

Jean laughed loudly, squirming on top of him until he crashed his lips to hers. Her focus changed abruptly as did the paths of his hands. Finally she broke off.

"Where do we go from here?" she asked, seemingly out of the blue.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "But I know whatever happens, I want to be with you."

"You really are a softy," she teased. He growled and attacked her neck and shoulders with his mouth in retaliation. She squirmed pleasantly against him.

"Move in with me," he said pulling away.

"I already have," she replied in confusion, taking a cursory glance around his room and realizing that she did indeed have a large majority of her belongings here.

"Everything," he replied. "I want to have to fight you for closet space, see the bears on the window…"

Tears welled in her eyes. "You're really serious about all of this, aren't you?"

The question was meant as rhetorical, but he answered anyway. "Jeannie, I love you and I want to spend as much time with you as I possibly can. Since we already share the same bed, and you've already got things scattered around the room, and I want you to be here, it's the next step to move your bedroom here."

She grinned widely. "Of course."

"Good," he said gruffly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer to him. "You and Ororo can handle that tomorrow."

She looked up at him. "Where are you going to be?"

"Chuck wants me to head to Texas…"

* * *

_**Alright, for those of you who were unsure about what occured at the end there, the whole point was a sort of intro of what their lives may be like after everything. No it does not mean that I'm not going to write the sequel I planned, but consider it a mini-prologue.**_

_**Ladies and gentlemen, I am incredibly sorry to say that this story is now considered complete. There is a chapter for each Care Bear in circulation and almost way too much fluff even for my own liking. Still, I enjoyed writing this and you have all been so incredibly fantastic with reviewing. I want you to know that when writing the first chapter of this I expected this story to end up with less than 50 reviews and now, I've got over 150. You guys made sure I worked my tail off writing this and I appreciate every comment you guys have made. Thank you so much, and I hope you'll read the sequel when I start it.**_

_**For the sequel: I have plans for Rogue, Remy (Gambit), Kitty, Bobby and of course, problems for my personal favourite couple Jean and Logan. As they say, Life isn't always a bowl of cherries!**_

_**Love you all,**_

_**Kavi**_


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